Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, February 26 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Today, February 26, in 1815, Napoleon Bonaparte escaped from the Island of Elba. He then began his second conquest of France ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Glendale woman arrested for deadly hit/run/DUI ___________________________________________________ Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. --- Franklin P. Jones Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. --- James M. Barrie (1860 - 1937) ___________________________________________________ I boarded the train and took my seat. The seat next to me was empty, but not for long. A young mother boarded with her 5-year-old daughter and Mom sat down in the seat beside me. I offered my seat to the little girl but Mom said no, she'd sit the young one on her lap. So here I am holding my roses, now with a little lady straining to see what I was holding. "What ya got, mister?" she asked. (Mom is getting a bit flustered and tells her to mind her business.) I leaned the "package" over a bit and she looks and says loudly, "Ohhhh, ROSES!, who are they for?" (Now, Mom is embarrassed and tapping her on the rear telling her to sit down.) I said, "they're for my girlfriend". The little 5 year old said, again with a loud voice, "WOW, pretty RED ones, and a LOT of them, too! Man, you really must have f****d up!" Her mother turned as red as the roses, but all the other passengers bust a gut laughing. ___________________________________________________ An Irishman's wife calls the doctor, stating that her husband has taken ill. The doctor asks if she had taken his temperature; she replied that she hadn't but would and then call back. When she hadn't called within a half hour, the doctor called and asked her what had happened. She said, "Well, I didn't have a thermometer, so I put a barometer on his chest and it said dry, so I gave him a pint of beer and he went off to work!" ____________________________________________________ Red-tailed Hawk Spruce Grove, AB February 25/22 ____________________________________________________ A Bonehead award goes to the Burgess Hill Town Council in the UK who, in response to a worker's complaint that sunlight coming through the window caused a glare on her computer screen, has already had three meetings, six months of discussion, contact with several contractors, produced a six page report, worked up five potential alternatives, their favorite being the spending of up to $10,000 to put a computer controlled screens on the outside of the window or coat the window with reflective film, but whose Town Clerk has decided to solve the problem by moving the desk away from the window. Ananova ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alexandra Mendez, 23, GLENDALE, Arizona, USA Glendale woman arrested for deadly hit/run/DUI The Maricopa County Sheriff's Office has arrested a woman who allegedly hit and killed a bicyclist in Glendale last month. According to MCSO, 23-year-old Alexandra Mendez was arrested on Wednesday in connection to the crash on Dec. 19 near Northern Avenue and Reems Road that killed 29-year-old Chris Owan of Phoenix. According to court documents, Mendez was known to have been at the Coyote Cabaret in Glendale on the night that Owan was killed. "She consumed at least five alcoholic beverages while at this establishment," police said in court documents. A witness reported that Mendez was in her vehicle alone when she left Coyote Cabaret, which is three miles from the scene of the hit-and-run crash. Mendez's vehicle, described as a blue 2018 Ford Fusion, was found abandoned on Christmas Day in Buckeye and had "damage consistent with being involved in a car vs bicycle collision." Mendez was booked into jail and is accused of manslaughter and leaving the scene of a crash involving death. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Jean Re: Small camera Dear Webby One time you suggest the best little camera, cost and without a lot of apps? What would you suggest again for me? I would so appreciate your reply! Jean Dear Jean Try the Canon Powershot SX200 or higher number, depending on your budget. Have FUN! DearWebby A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor, who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile." "Thank goodness," returned Mr. Carr, with a giant grin on his face from ear to ear, "I thought you were going to want me to pay with money." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ In this world there is always danger for those who are afraid of it. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) Martyrdom is the only way a man can become famous without ability. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) When a woman marries again it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs. --- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) ______________________________________________ Why don't you give up the drinking, smoking and carousing?' said the do-gooder. 'It's too late,' replied Murphy. 'It's never too late,' assured the virtuous one. 'Well, there's no rush then,' smiled Murphy. ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
In Mulligan's bar, the young Salvation Army girl placed the collection box under the nose of Mick McCarthy and asked: 'Can you spare fifty pence for God?' 'How old are you?' asked Mick. Twenty-four,' she replied. 'Well, I'm sixty-eight, I'll see him before you do. I'll pay him meself. ___________________________________________________ | Today, February 27, in 1815, Napoleon Bonaparte escaped from the Island of Elba. He then began his second conquest of France. 1848, The second French Republic was proclaimed. 1863, U.S. President Lincoln signed the National Currency Act. 1870, In New York City, the first pneumatic-powered subway line was opened to the public. (Beach Pneumatic Transit) 1907, The U.S. Congress raised their own pay to $7500. 1916, Mutual signed Charlie Chaplin to a film contract. 1919, In Arizona, the Grand Canyon was established as a National Park with an act of the U.S. Congress. 1929, U.S. President Coolidge signed a bill creating the Grand Teton National Park. 1930, New York City installed traffic lights. 1933, A ground-breaking ceremony was held at Crissy Field for the Golden Gate Bridge. 1945, In the U.S., a nationwide midnight curfew went into effect. 1952, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill announced that Britain had developed an atomic bomb. 1986, Corazon Aquino was inaugurated president of the Philippines. Long time President Ferdinand Marcos went into exile. 1987, The Tower Commission rebuked U.S. President Reagan for failing to control his national security staff in the wake of the Iran-Contra affair. 1987, The U.S.S.R. conducted its first nuclear weapons test after a 19-month moratorium period. 1991, Iraqi President Saddam Hussein announced on Baghdad Radio that Iraqi troops were being withdrawn from Kuwait. 1993, Six people were killed and more than a thousand injured when a van exploded in the parking garage beneath the World Trade Center in New York City. The bomb had been built by Islamic extremists. 1995, Barings PLC collapsed after a securities dealer lost more than $1.4 billion by gambling on Tokyo stock prices. The company was Britain's oldest investment banking firm. 1998, A Texas jury rejected an $11 million lawsuit by Texas cattlemen who blamed Oprah Winfrey for price drop after on- air comment about mad-cow disease. 1998, In Oregon, a health panel rules that taxpayers must help to pay for doctor-assisted suicides. 2001, A U.N. tribunal convicted Bosnian Croat political leader Dario Kordic and military commander Mario Cerkez of war crimes. They had ordered the systematic murder and persecution of Muslim civilians during the Bosnian war. 2002, In Rome, Italy, a bomb exploded near the Interior Ministry. No injuries were reported. 2009, Former Serbian president Milan Milutinovic was acquitted by the International Criminal Tribunal for the former Yugoslavia regarding war crimes during the Kosovo War. 2009, The Pentagon reveresed its 18-year policy of not allowing media to cover returning war dead. The reversal allowsd some media coverage with family approval. 2022 Do smiled. |
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