Good Morning, Do, Today is Wednesday, January 10 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Hunt underway for mother, boyfriend in torture and death of 4-year-old Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, January 10 in 2002 In France, the "Official Journal" reported that all women could get the morning-after contraception pill for free in pharmacies. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something. --- Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988 The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky. --- Solomon Short It is a great ability to be able to conceal one's ability. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. --- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Sister Mary, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gas, and carried the full bedpan back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two men watched from across the street. One of the them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm turning Catholic." ____________________________________________________ Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church ladies' group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets she found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying her hair and dressing and helping her son Bryan pack up for Scout camp. But when Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake." This cake was so important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of new friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found it in the bathroom -- a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect! Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened at 9:30, and to buy that cake and bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found that the attractive perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her Mom. Alice was horrified she was beside herself. Everyone would know, what would they think? Oh, my she wailed! She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed. All night Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing their fingers at her and talking about her behind her back. The next day, Alice promised herself that she would try not to think about the cake and she would attended the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a friend of a friend and try to have a good time. Alice did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP 'd she could not think of a believable excuse to stay home. The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South... and to Alice's horror, the CAKE in question was presented for dessert. Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake, she started, out of her chair to rush to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "What a beautiful cake!" Alice, who was still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, Thank you, I baked it myself." Alice smiled and thought to herself, "GOD is good." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Two psychiatrists were at a convention. As they conversed over a drink, one asked, "What was your most difficult case?" The other replied, "I had a patient who lived in a pure fantasy world. He believed that an uncle in South America was going to die and leave him a fortune. All day long he waited for a letter to arrive from an attorney. He never went out, he never did anything, he merely sat around and waited for this fantasy letter from this fantasy uncle. I worked with this man eight years." "What was the result?" "It was an eight-year struggle. Every day for eight years, but I finally cured him. And then that stupid letter arrived!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Old mug shots from previous arrests Candice Renea Diaz, 24, Brad Edward Fields, 28, Sumpter, Michigan Hunt underway for mother, boyfriend in torture and death of 4-year-old Michigan authorities are searching for a mother and her boyfriend who are accused of torturing and killing her four- year-old daughter. The young girl, found by family on New Year's Day at the Rawsonville Woods mobile home community, was unresponsive with her limbs covered in severe burns, Fox2 reported. There were attempts to revive her and she was rushed to St. Joseph Mercy Hospital in Ann Arbor where she was pronounced dead. Candice Renea Diaz, 24, and Brad Edward Fields, 28, have been charged with felony murder, murder in the second degree, first degree child abuse and torture, Sumpter Township police said. An autopsy on Jan. 3 ruled the girl's death a homicide. It also revealed further traumatic injuries and evidence of Battered Child Syndrome, police said. Fields was also charged as a habitual offender, previously arrested for domestic violence. Police say the couple are believed to be driving black 2002 Chevrolet Cavalier with the Michigan license plate DTR1854. Too late for details: .. marshals arrested 24-year-old Candice Renea Diaz and 28- year-old Brad Edward Fields as they drove near Lake Park, Georgia. Police from Sumpter, the couple's home town, confirmed the arrest just before 4 p.m. EST but didn't have further details. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Allan Re: SMTP filtering Dear Webby, Dear Webby, My ISP, Telus, is dumping too much of my outgoing mail with their mis-configured SMTP filters. How do I get around that? Writing to their support is useless, they apparently filter and dump their own responses too. Thanks Allan Dear Allan Telus DSL is OK for areas where you can't get other ISPs, but I agree that their mail is often a problem. Luckily it's easy enough to get around them, or any ISP, by using a remote SMTP server. A very popular and easy to use remote SMTP is at Softstack It's easy to set up and it's free. If you want something fancier with more options, there is PostCastServer for $49. A fringe benefit of using a remote SMTP is that you never have to change it when you travel. Considering that only very few hotels nowadays allow you to use their SMTP, you are never stuck when you use a remote one like Postcast. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance. "Teddy," he called, "how many more times do I have I to tell you to come downstairs quietly? Now, go back upstairs and come down like a civilized human being." There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room. "That's better," said his father. "Now in the future you will always come downstairs like that." "OK," said Teddy. "I slid down the railing." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A spiritualist who'd recently been widowed met a colleague and reported excitedly that she'd just received a message from her dead husband - asking her to send him a pack of cigarettes. "The only thing is," she mused, "that I don't know where to send them." "Why not?" asked her friend. "Well, he didn't actually say that he was in Heaven - but I can't imagine he'd be in Hell." "Hm," responded the friend. "Well, maybe I shouldn't bring this up, but...he didn't mention anything about including matches in the package, did he?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Hardwood Floors Daily cleaning of hardwood floors can be a challenge, especially if you have pets. The best tool I have found for daily maintenance of my hardwood floors is a good vacuum cleaner. Mine has a low setting made for flat floors and it works well for pet hair, dust and paw prints. Make sure you let muddy paw prints dry before trying to vacuum. ____________________________________________________ At the retreat, Sam and Anni were told to individually write a sentence using the words 'sex' and 'love.' Anni wrote: 'When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and that they respect each other very much, just like Sam and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act of physical sex with one another.' Sam wrote: 'I love sex.' Jack had gone to propose to his girlfriend and returned home crying bitterly. "What happened, son?" his father asked, eagerly awaiting her response. "Did she accept?" "No, she sure didn't," sobbed Jack. "When I told her what you advised me to say, she slapped my face and told me to get out." "Did you begin by telling her what I told you to say, what I told your mother when she accepted my proposal? 'Sweetheart, time stands still when I look in your eyes.' Did you tell her that?" asked his father. "Oh boy, dad, did I get it all wrong," Jack groaned. "I said, 'My Dear, you have a face that would stop a clock'!" __________________________________________________ Days of the month: January 1 New Year's Day 1 First Foot Day 1 Polar Bear Swim Day 1 First Cheese Factory Opened 2 Drinking Straw patented 3 Festival of Sleep Day 3 National Chocolate Covered Cherry Day 4 Trivia Day 4 Tennis Day 4 Flower Basket Day 4 National Spaghetti Day 5 National Whipped Cream Day 5 Bird Day 6 Bean Day 7 Old Rock Day 7 Panama Canal Day 7 Typewriter Patented 8 Rock 'n' Roll Day 8 First Computer Patented 10 Peculiar People Day 10 Volunteer Fireman's Day 11 Secret Pal Day 11 International Thank You Day 11 Pharmacist's Day 11 National Milk Day (milk delivered in bottles for first time- 1878) 12 Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day 13 Make Your Dreams Come True Day 14 National Dress Up Your Pet Day 15 Hat Day 16 Hot and Spicy Food International Day 16 Religious Freedom Day 16 National Fig Newton Day 16 National Nothing Day 17 Pig Day 17 Ben Franklin's Birthday (born 1706) 18 Winnie the Pooh Day 19 National Popcorn Day 19 Archery Day 19 Robert E. Lee's Birth Anniversary (born 1807) 20 Cheese Day 20 Basketball Day 21 Hat Day 21 National Hugging Day 23 National Handwriting Day 23 National Pie Day 23 Measure Your Feet Day 24 National Peanut Butter Day 24 Eskimo Pie Patent Day (by Christian Nelson in 1922) 24 Gold discovered in California (Sutter's Mill in 1848) 24 National School Nurse Day 25 Opposite Day 25 Observe the Weather Day 26 National Popcorn Day 26 National Peanut Brittle Day 27 National Chocolate Cake Day 27 Australia Day (the day Sydney, Australia was settled in 1778) 27 National School Nurse Day 28 National Kazoo Day 28 Bald Eagle Day 29 National Rattle Snake Roundup Day 29 National Puzzle Day 29 National Corn Chip Day 30 Escape Day 31 National Popcorn Day 31 National Backwards Day ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, January 10, in 1776 "Common Sense" by Thomas Paine was published. 1840 The penny post, whereby mail was delivered at a standard charge rather than paid for by the recipient, began in Britain. 1863 Prime Minister Gladstone opened the first section of the London Underground Railway system, from Paddington to Farringdon Street. 1870 John D. Rockefeller incorporated Standard Oil. 1901 Oil was discovered at the Spindletop oil field near Beaumont, TX. 1911 Major Jimmie Erickson took the first photograph from an airplane while flying over San Diego, CA. 1920 The League of Nations ratified the Treaty of Versailles, officially ending World War I with Germany. 1920 The League of Nations held its first meeting in Geneva. 1927 Fritz Lang's film "Metropolis" was first shown, in Berlin. 1928 The Soviet Union ordered the exile of Leon Trotsky. 1978 The Soviet Union launched two cosmonauts aboard a Soyuz capsule for a redezvous with the Salyut VI space laboratory. 1981 In El Salvador, Marxist insurgents launched a "final offensive". 1984 The United States and the Vatican established full diplomatic relations for the first time in more than a century. 1990 Chinese Premier Li Peng ended martial law in Beijing after seven months. He said that crushing pro-democracy protests had saved China from "the abyss of misery." 1990 Time Inc. and Warner Communications Inc. completed a $14 billion merger. The new company, Time Warner, was the world's largest entertainment company. 1994 In Manassas, VA, Lorena Bobbitt went on trial. She had been charged with maliciously wounding her husband John. She was acquitted by reason of temporary insanity. 1997 Shelby Lynne Barrackman was strangled to death by her grand-father when she licked the icing off of cupcakes. He was convicted of the crime on September 15, 1998. 2000 It was announced that Time-Warner had agreed to buy America On-line (AOL). It was the largest-ever corporate merger priced at $162 billion. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) approved the deal on December 14, 2000. 2001 American Airlines agreed to acquire most of Trans World Airlines (TWA) assets for about $500 million. The deal brought an end to the financially troubled TWA. 2002 In France, the "Official Journal" reported that all women could get the morning-after contraception pill for free in pharmacies. 2003 North Korea announced that it was withdrawing from the global nuclear arms control treaty and that it had no plans to develop nuclear weapons. 2018 Do smiled. |
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