Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, March 14 What happened to Gullible Warming? Got a raging blizzard howling around the house. It's fun to walk, or sail, downwind, but coming back against the blizzard is rather painful. If it is still going on tonight, I'll wear the big parka for my walk. ___________________________________________________ Today, March 14 in 1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the Batista government of Cuba. Russia continued supplying the Communists. ______________________________________________________ You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. --- Michael Pritchard | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Elgin church employee made $250K in unauthorized purchases on church credit cards __________________________________________ At Sunday school, the teacher asked Little Johnny, "Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?" "Sure," Little Johnny replied. "They go out in back of the church yard, behind the bushes." __________________________________________ Thanks to Linda for sending this picture: From her sister. __________________________________________ The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jeffery L. Parham, 38, Elgin, Illinois Elgin church employee made $250K in unauthorized purchases on church credit cards An Elgin man who allegedly used a business credit card to steal more than $262,000 from the Elgin church where he was employed has been arrested on felony theft charges, the Kane County States Attorneys Office said. Jeffery L. Parham, 38, of the 3100 block of Kyra Lane, was arrested Thursday after the discovery of bookkeeping irregularities at Harvest Bible Chapel, 1000 N. Randall Road, determined the churchs credit card had been used to make non-church-related purchases between July 2017 and October 2018, a states attorneys office news release said. Parham has been charged with two counts of felony theft and two counts of felony theft by deception. Hes been on leave from the church since October 2018, the release said. Parham was taken into custody on a warrant Thursday by police in Bourbonnais, the release said. He was booked at the Elgin Police Department and released on $5,000 bail, the release said. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: James Re: Uninstall Windows Dear Webby, how do i uninstall their new version??it has messed up everything on my computer! tried the normal way to install it but it wont if theres a windows window open.Which has to be to use the control panel..Do i need to reset my whole laptop?I am running win10 on top of it lol James Dear James Unfortunately, once you have sold your soul, any remorse is too late. If your laptop originally was a W7, you can back up all the files, that you want to keep, like spreadsheets, documents, addresses, mail, paintings, pictures, etc., onto a removable USB hard drive or camera chips, double and triple check to make sure you got everything, then contact the maker of that machine and ask how to do a factory reset. That will nuke everything and put the machine back to the way it was, when it left the factory in China. Good Luck! Have FUN! DearWebby
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____________________________________________________ | | Monkey Swarm Takes Over City |
_____________________________________________ Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf holds for men. Mary: TELL me about it! I went golfing with my ex one time, and he told me I asked too many questions! Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game. What questions did you ask? Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions..like, "Why did you hit the ball into that lake?" _____________________________________________ An Asian man visiting New York walks into a bank to exchange 20,000 yen and receives $150. He goes back a week later to exchange another 20,000 yen but this time he's only given $146. He asks the teller why he got more the first time, and the teller replies,"Fluctuations." "Oh yeh?" the Asian man says, "fluc u amelicans, too!" ____________________________________________ The ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received a visit from one of her fellow church members. "How are you feeling?" the visitor asked. "Oh," said the lady, "I'm just worried sick!" "What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked. "You look like you're in good health. They are taking care of you, aren't they?" "Yes, they are taking very good care of me." "Are you in any pain?" she asked. "No, I have never had a pain in my life." "Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again. The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had has already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're all wondering where I went." ____________________________________________ | No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today March 14 in 1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom to Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. 1629 A Royal charter was granted to the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 1647 During the Thirty Years War, France, Sweden, Bavaria and Cologne signed a Treaty of Neutrality. 1757 British Admiral John Byng was executed by a firing squad on board HMS Monarch for neglect of duty. 1794 Eli Whitney received a patent for his cotton gin. 1864 Samuel Baker discovered another source of the Nile in East Africa. He named it Lake Albert Nyanza. 1891 The submarine Monarch laid telephone cable along the bottom of the English Channel to prepare for the first telephone links across the Channel. 1900 U.S. currency went on the gold standard with the ratification of the Gold Standard Act. 1900 In Holland, Botanist Hugo de Vries REdiscovered Mendel's laws of heredity. 1901 Utah Governor Heber M. Wells vetoed a bill that would have relaxed restrictions on polygamy. 1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Hay-Herran Treaty that guaranteed the U.S. the right to build a canal at Panama. The Columbian Senate rejected the treaty. A deal was signed on November 6, 1903 with the newly independent Panama. 1904 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the governments claim that the Northern Securities Company was an illegal merger between the Great Northern and Northern Pacific Railway companies. 1905 French bankers refused to lend money to Russia until after their war. 1905 The British House of Commons cited a need to compete with Germany in naval strength. 1906 The island of Ustica was devastated by an earthquake. 1912 An anarchist named Antonio Dalba unsuccessfully attempted to kill Italy's King Victor Emmanuel III in Rome. 1914 Henry Ford announced the new continuous motion method to assemble cars. The process decreased the time to make a car from 12 hours to 93 minutes. 1915 The British Navy sank the German battleship Dresden off the Chilean coast. 1918 An all-Russian Congress of Soviets ratified a peace treaty with the Central Powers. 1932 George Eastman, the founder of the Kodak company, committed suicide. 1936 Adolf Hitler told a crowd of 300,000 that Germany's only judge is God and itself. 1939 Hungary occupied the Carpatho-Ukraine. Slovakia declared its independence. 1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first U.S. President to fly in an airplane while in office. 1945 In Germany, a 22,000 pound "Grand Slam" bomb was dropped by the Royal Air Force Dambuster Squad on the Beilefeld railway viaduct. It was the heaviest bomb used during World War II. 1947 The U.S. signed a 99-year lease on naval bases in the Philippines. 1947 Moscow announced that 890,532 German POWs were held in the U.S.S.R. 1951 U.N. forces recaptured Seoul for the second time during the Korean War. 1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the Batista government of Cuba. Russia continued supplying the Communists. 1964 A Dallas jury found Jack Ruby guilty of the murder of Lee Harvey Oswald. 1967 John F. Kennedy's body was moved from a temporary grave to a permanent one. 1976 Egypt formally abrogated the 1971 Treaty Friendship and Cooperation with the Soviet Union. 1978 An Israeli force of 22,000 invaded south Lebanon. The PLO bases were hit. 1979 The Census Bureau reported that 95% of all Americans were married or would get married. 1979 Near Peking, China, at least 200 people died when a Trident aircraft crashed into a factory. 1980 A Polish airliner crashed while making an emergency landing near Warsaw. 87 people were killed. A 14-man U.S. boxing team was aboard the plane. 1981 Three Pakistani airline hijackers surrendered in Syria after they had exchanged 100 passengers and crewmen for 54 Pakistani prisoners. 1983 OPEC agreed to cut its oil prices by 15% for the first time in its 23-year history. 1989 Imported assault guns were banned in the U.S. under President George H.W. Bush. 1991 The "Birmingham Six," imprisoned for 16 years for their alleged part in an IRA pub bombing, were set free after a court agreed that the police fabricated evidence. 1991 Bolivian interior minister Guillermo Capobianco resigned after U.S. officials accused him of receiving money from drug traffickers. 1995 American astronaut Norman Thagard became the first American to enter space aboard a Russian rocket. 1996 U.S. President Bill Clinton committed $100 million for an anti-terrorism pact with Israel to track down and root out Islamic militants. 1998 An earthquake left 10,000 homeless in southeastern Iran. 2002 A Scottish appeals court upheld the conviction of a Libyan intelligence agent for the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103. A five-judge court ruled unanimously that Abdel Basset Ali al-Megrahi was guilty of bringing down the plane over Lockerbie, Scotland. 2003 Robert Blake was released from jail on $1.5 million bail. Blake had been jailed for the murder of his wife Bonny Lee Bakley. 2020 Do smiled. |
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