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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Texas woman arested after she brings her drugs to police to get them tested for Ebola Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 30, in 1814 The allied European nations against Napoleon marched into Paris. They did not like his ideas of democracy. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ If you believe the doctors, nothing is wholesome; if you believe the theologians, nothing is innocent; if you believe the military, nothing is safe. --- Lord Salisbury Never exaggerate your faults. Your friends will attend to that. --- Sir Francis Bacon _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Jean The Irish are a wonderful bunch of people, always willing to help in a pinch ..... Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Air Atlantic flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don't know how this has happened, but we have 120 passen- gers on board and unfortunately, we received only 100 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience. When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour flight " Her next announcement came about 3-1/2 hours later: "If anyone is hungry, we still have 100 dinners available". ______________________________________________________ There were 3 sisters on a train and they had been talking for some time when they decided to pass the time by telling each other what their greatest sins where. The first sister got up and said, "My greatest sin is sex. Every year I go out for a week and become a prostitute. Of course I put all the money I earn in the poor box, but that is my greatest sin." The second sister got up and said, "My greatest sin is drinking. Every year take the money out of the poor box and drink for one week straight." The third sister was sitting there being very quite. The others told her: "come on now, we told you our worst sins, what is yours?" The third sister got up and said, "Well, I don't really have any great sins, but I do gossip a bit now and then." ______________________________________________________ Smog Hills, Sausalito ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Miranda Johns, 21, Naples, Floriduh Texas woman arested after she brings her drugs to police to get them tested for Ebola A Texas police department posted a fake news alert on Facebook warning of drugs contaminated with Ebola, and, incredibly, one woman actually showed up for the screening and was promptly arrested. This morning, we had our first concerned citizen notify the Granite Shoals Police Department that they believed their methamphetamine may be tainted. Our officers gladly took the item for further testing, the department posted on its official Facebook page with the hashtag #notkidding. Police also posted the booking photo of a smiling Chasity Eugina Hopson, who now faces drug-related charges. Hopson was the first to respond to this breaking news alert. I looked all over to see if this was a hoax, but all the news services reported it as a true story. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Caralee Re: Sort and weed out files Dear Webby ... Now for my question, is there a Pro tip for sorting out files, that is less cumbersome than dragging them to different drives and directories? Thanks Caralee Dear Caralee First get "Search Everything" from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools forget the Windows search, it is too slow and might crash your machine. Make desktop shortcuts to MID, MP3, MP4, etc., not too far from the Recycle bin. Then with Search Everything search for *.mid and set the Search for Audio The first time you use it, it will be slow, because it catalogs all your drives. After that it will be lightning fast. Then go through the found list. Don't worry, unlike the Windows search, it won't disappear when you click in it. SHIFT Drag the keepers into the MID shortcut, and the rest into the recycle bin. Then do the same with MP4, and of course pictures and videos. There is no program, that will know which ones are keepers, and which ones are not. Sorting the found bunch by size does help. Most of the really small stuff is just nuisance anyway. Just take your time and and wade through them. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: NO, SIR! ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Emergency Laundry Detergent Substitutions If you run out of laundry detergent towards the end of the month and don't want to spend your last $'s, regular dish liquid will work great. I use 3 big squirts for a normal size load to get clean clothes with no foaming. By Margaret ______________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
_____________________________________________________ Here is an oldie-goldie that came back via the Folks from Erie: An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City building. A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of Expensive perfume. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!" Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Channel No. 5, $200 an ounce!" About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then bends over and trumpets a fart like the finale of an opera. Just before the elevator doors close behind her, she turns and whispers into the eyewatering fumes: "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound." ___________________________________________________ | daddy-daughter song The fireworks show had just ended, but she thought she kept hearing them outside. So we sang to keep her mind preoccupied. In the end, nothing competes with fireworks. |
____________________________________________________ Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something 'practical' for her birthday. "Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested. Cathy was delighted. "It's your account, Cathy," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application." Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for 'Name of your former bank.' After a slight hesitation, she put down 'Piggy.' ____________________________________________________ I went with my daughter to visit a prestigious university. Our student guide pointed out the nationally ranked library and state-of-the-art science facilities. She told us that the professors were the best in the country, and she re- commended my daughter apply early to improve her chances for admission. "We get so many applicants," she boasted, "because of the stature of the school." After the tour I asked our guide, "So, why did you choose this school?" "Oh," she replied matter-of-factly, "my boyfriend graduated here and works at the McDonalds across the street, and he has a car." ____________________________________________________ | People are AWESOME, best of the month for March 2016. |
| Today on March 30 1533 Henry VIII divorced his first wife, Catherine of Aragon. 1814 The allied European nations against Napoleon marched into Paris. They did not like his ideas of democracy. 1822 Florida became a U.S. territory. 1842 Dr. Crawford W. Long performed the first operation while his patient was anesthetized by ether. 1855 About 5,000 "Border Ruffians" from western Missouri invaded the territory of Kansas and forced the election of a pro-slavery legislature. It was the first election in Kansas. 1858 Hyman L. Lipman of Philadelphia patented the pencil. 1867 The U.S. purchased Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million. 1909 The Queensboro bridge in New York opened linking Manhattan and Queens. It was the first double decker bridge. 1909 In Oklahoma, Seminole Indians revolted against meager pay for government jobs. 1916 Pancho Villa killed 172 at the Guerrero garrison in Mexico. 1936 Britain announced a naval construction program of 38 warships. 1940 The Japanese set up a puppet government called Manchuko in Nanking, China. 1941 The German Afrika Korps under General Erwin Rommel began its first offensive against British forces in Libya. 1944 The U.S. fleet attacked Palau, near the Philippines. 1945 The U.S.S.R. invaded Austria after World War II. 1946 The Allies seized 1,000 Nazis attempting to revive the Nazi party in Frankfurt. 1950 The invention of the phototransistor was announced. 1950 U.S. President Truman denounced Senator Joe McCarthy as a saboteur of U.S. foreign policy. 1964 John Glenn withdrew from the Ohio race for U.S. Senate because of injuries suffered in a fall. 1972 The British government assumed direct rule over Northern Ireland. 1972 The Eastertide Offensive began when North Vietnamese troops crossed into the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) in the northern portion of South Vietnam. 1975 As the North Vietnamese forces moved toward Saigon South Vietnamese soldiers mob rescue jets in desperation. 1981 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was shot and wounded in Washington, DC, by John W. Hinckley Jr. Two police officers and Press Secretary James Brady were also wounded. 1987 Vincent Van Gogh's "Sunflowers" was bought for $39.85 million. 1993 In Sarajevo, two Serb militiamen were sentenced to death for war crimes committed in Bosnia. 1993 In the Peanuts comic strip, Charlie Brown hit his first home run. 1994 Serbs and Croats signed a cease-fire to end their war in Croatia while Bosnian Muslims and Serbs continued to fight each other. 1998 Rolls-Royce was purchased by BMW in a $570 million deal. 2002 An unmanned U.S. spy plane crashed at sea in the Southern Philippines. 2002 Islamic militants set off several grenades at a temple in Indian-controlled Kashmir. Four civilians, four policemen and two attackers were killed and 20 people were injured. 2016 Do smiled. |
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