Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, April 21 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Have FUN! DerWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Connecticut drunk driver with drunkards t-shirt arrested after crashing into cemetery wall Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 21 in 753 BC Traditional date of the foundation of Rome. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers. --- Edward Shepherd Mead There is not any memory with less satisfaction than the memory of some temptation we resisted. --- James Branch Cabell ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up raring to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, "What are you up to?" Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!" Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along. Three hours later they arrive at a game preserve just outside of San Marcos, Texas. Jake sets his lovely wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot." Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer. Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get the hell away from my deer!" Confused and frightened, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get the hell away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire! Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a Texas cowboy with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, "Okay, lady! You can have your damn deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Priests just can't stay out of trouble here these days. It seems the Church is being REAL careful and smacking down some behavior that, in the past, would have certainly been encouraged. For instance, there's this tale of a priest I heard about, who was trying to modernize the church. You know, to help bring young people into the fold. But the Bishop stopped by and had a chat with the young parish priest. "John," the bishop said, "I don't want to say you've had no successes. You told us to put a little more beat in to the music and that got some young folks back to church. I supported you, you know this, when you wanted a rock & roll gospel choir." "So," John asked, "What's the problem?" "Well, it's that 'drive-thru' confessional idea you came up with." "What's wrong with it? Look at the line-up out there! I am going to need a couple of helpers by the end of the month!" "I think what drove the Monsignor over the edge was the neon sign that said, 'Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell!'" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Harrison Wooton, 25, Woodstock, Connecticut Connecticut drunk driver with drunkards t-shirt arrested after crashing into cemetery wall The 25-year-old Connecticut man was arrested early yesterday for drunk driving after he crashed his car into a wall outside a graveyard near his home in Woodstock. As seen above, Wooton was wearing a t-shirt declaring Hold My Beer And Watch This when he was collared for drunk driving and failure to drive in the proper lane. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Alice Re: Free music Dear Webby Is there a place on the web where you can legitimately get free music, without worrying about getting in trouble. I don't mean whole CD's, just enough of each artist to see if their music is worth spending money on. Thanks Alice Dear Alice Try http://www.soundclick.com/ You get one or two songs per artist there, just perfect for finding out who is woth the cost of a CD. Quality is pretty good, but expect to have to adjust the volume for each song. That site is better suited for serious research and Santa Claus list building, than for casual background music. The quality is excellent, but you have to keep selecting artists. I prefer http://accuradio.com There you select one of about a thousand channels like for example "Blonde Country", or "70's Bluegrass" or "Brazilian Jazz", or whatever you are in the mood for, and let it rip. It will continue to play music from your selected channel, and even remember your selection. You can rate individual artists, and skip the ones you don't like, and even ban artists you don't like. I have all the screechers banned and rated quite a few, so my background music is quite pleasant. You log in with your email address and a password. That means your history and preferences are waiting for you no matter which or whose machine you use. Have FUN! DearWebby Lord George Brown, when the band struck up at an embassy function, asked: "Beautiful lady in scarlet, will you waltz with me?" "Certainly not," was the reply. "First, you are drunk. Second, it is not a waltz, but the Venezuelan National Anthem; and third, I am not a beautiful lady in scarlet, but the papal nuncio." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Getting Sand Off Your Feet With the summer coming I thought this would be good to share, to remove any dry or wet sand, put baby powder on sandy feet or legs and wipe with towel. Your feet and legs will come clean and you'll smell nice and fresh. By Eleanor ____________________________________________________ Once there was a guy that needed to make some money. He came up with an interesting plan. He had seen an elephant stand on 4 legs, 3 legs, 2 legs, even 1 leg. He had never seen an elephant stand on no legs. So he went out and bought an elephant. He posted a sign letting people know he was giving $1000 to anyone that can make his elephant stand on no legs. For each try he charged $200. So people came and went and the man was making alot of money because everyone was failing. One day, a man in a blue truck drove up and paid his $200. He walked over to the elephant with a large stick behind his back. He said "Now elephant, I want you to stand on no legs." The elephant just stared. So the guy walked around to the back of the elephant and WHACK!!! with the stick, right in the unmentionables. The elephant jumped up and the man received his $1000. The elephants owner had to think of a better plan because the guy took all the money he had made that day. So he said, "I have seen an elephant shake his head up and down but I have never seen an elephant shake his head left to right." So people came and went paying their money but never getting the elephant to shake it's head left to right. The man in the blue truck drove up and walked up to the elephant and said, "Do you remember me?" The elephant shook its head up and down. The man said "Do you want me to do it again?" Did he win another $1000 ? Noooo, he didn't. The elephant remembered him and his stick, grabbed both with his trunk and with a swift and straight throw, threw them into a cement mixer across the street. ___________________________________________________ | | 10 most dangerous roads around the world. |
Classic Air Traffic Control Tower Conversations: "Air Force '45, it appears your engine has...oh, disregard. I see you've already ejected." "Citation 123, if you quit calling me Center, I'll quit cal- ling you twin Cessna." "About three miles ahead, you've got traffic 12 o'clock, five miles. If you hear me, traffic no longer a factor." "You're gonna have to key the mic. I can't see you when you nod your head." "Put your compass on 'E' and GIT! Our brakes don't work at this altitude." "Don't anybody maintain anything." "Climb like your life depends on it...because it does." "Hello flight 56, if you hear me rock your wings." "OK TOWER, IF YOU HEAR ME, OPEN YOUR WINDOW SHADES!" Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, on April 21 753 BC Today is the traditional date of the foundation of Rome. 43 BC Marcus Antonius was defeated by Octavian near Modena, Italy. 1526 Mongol Emperor Babur annihilated the Indian Army of Ibrahim Lodi. 1649 The Maryland Toleration Act was passed, allowing all freedom of worship. 1689 William III and Mary II were crowned joint king and queen of England, Scotland and Ireland. 1836 General Sam Houston defeated Santa Anna at the Battle of San Jacinto. This battle decided the independence of Texas. 1856 The Mississippi River was crossed by a rail train for the first time (between Davenport, IA, and Rock Island, IL). 1862 The U.S. Congress established the U.S. Mint in Denver, CO. 1892 The first Buffalo was born in Golden Gate Park. 1898 The Spanish-American War began. 1914 U.S. Marines occupied Vera Cruz, Mexico. The troops stayed for six months. 1916 Bill Carlisle, the infamous "last train robber," robbed a train in Hanna, WY. 1918 German fighter ace Manfred von Richthofen, "The Red Baron," was shot down and killed during World War I. 1943 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt announced that several Doolittle bomber pilots had been executed by the Japanese. 1959 Alf Dean caught a 16-foot, 10-inch white shark that weighed 2,664 pounds. At the time it was the largest catch with a rod and reel. 1960 Brasilia became the capital of Brazil. 1961 The French army revolted in Algeria. 1967 Svetlana Alliluyeva (Svetlana Stalina) defected in New York City. She was the daughter of Joseph Stalin. 1967 In Athens, Army colonels took over the government and installed Constantine Kollias as premier. 1972 Apollo 16 astronauts John Young and Charles Duke explored the surface of the moon. 1975 South Vietnam president, Nguyen Van Thieu, resigned, condemning the United States. 1984 In France, it was announced that doctors had found virus believed to cause AIDS. 1985 Manuel Ortega proposed a cease-fire for Nicaragua. 1986 Geraldo Rivera opened a vault that belonged to Al Capone at the Lexington Hotel in Chicago. Nothing of interest was found inside. 1992 Robert Alton Harris became the first person executed by the state of California in 25 years. He was put to death for the 1978 murder of two teen-age boys. 1994 Jackie Parker became the first woman to qualify to fly an F-16 combat plane. 2000 In Sinking Spring, PA, a man chased his estranged girlfriend through town and then forced her car into the path of an oncoming train. The woman and her 3 passengers were killed. 2000 North Carolina researchers announced that the heart of a 66 million-year-old dinosaur was more like a mammal or bird than that of a reptile. 2000 The 1998 Children's Online Privacy Protection Act went into effect. 2002 In the city of General Santos, 14 people were killed and 69 were injured in a bomb attack on a department store. The attack was blamed on Muslim extremists. 2009 UNESCO launched The World Digital Library. The World Digital Library (WDL) is an international digital library operated by UNESCO and the United States Library of Congress. 2017 Do smiled. |
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