| Good Morning, Do! Today is Fiday, May 12 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! ___________________________________________________ The UFOs captured me and kept me for about 14 hours. I normally sleep about 2 hours, then rush to the bathroom. I have been told that is normal for old fogies. That is 2 hours less than what I have slept for 40 years. When I woke up, I felt like I had slept my normal 2 hours. When I got to the computer, I got the surprise of my life. What the H***!!! I have absolutely no idea what the UFO or the ETs look like or what they did. Have any of you ever experienced something like that? ____________________________________________________ History: Today, May 12 1926, The airship Norge became the first vessel to fly over the North Pole. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: BSO Detective Arrested For Extortion _____________________________________________________ Q If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself. --- Mickey Mantle (1931 - 1995) ___________________________________________________ In a physics lab course, which involved light, electricity and magnetism, one requirement of the course was to read the week's experiment before coming to class. At one lab session the instructor wanted to see how many people had actually done so: "What are the two types of light?" he asked. The lab fell silent until one wise young man raised his hand and said, "Uhhh, Miller and Molsons" ______________________________________________________ "Husband Shopping Centre" was opened where a woman could go to choose from among many men, for her husband. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the floors. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor,and if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place. So, a couple of girlfriends go to the place to find men. First floor, the door had a sign saying "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and say "Well that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they go. Second floor says "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking" Hmmm, say the girls. But, I wonder what's further up?" Third floor: "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework.." Wow! say the women. Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up!? And so again, they go up. Fourth floor: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me. But just think!?!?! What must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they go. The sign on that door said "This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping and have a nice day." ------------ (PS. I am on the 3rd highest floor!) ______________________________________________________ Santisouk Long Eared Owl Calgary SE __________________________________________________ If a man is alone in the forest, and there isn't a woman around, is he still wrong? ------------- Just if he talks __________________________________________________ A young man wanted to get his beautiful wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day she goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun," he says, "how do you like your new phone?" She replies, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though." "What's that, baby?" asks the husband. "How did you know I was at Walmart?" ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________________ You Know You're Born and Raised in Small-Town Idaho When. *During a storm you check the cattle before you check the kids. *You are related to more than half the town. *You can tell the difference between a horse and a cow from a distance. *Your car breaks down outside of town and news of it gets back to town before you do. *Without thinking, you wave to all oncoming traffic. *You don't buy all your vegetables at the grocery store. *You don't put too much effort into hairstyles due to wind and weather. *There's a tornado warning and the whole town is outside watching for it. *The local gas station sells live bait. *You go to the State Fair for your family vacation. *You get up at 5:30 am and go down to the coffee shop. *You're on a first name basis with the county sheriff. *You have the number of the Co-op on speed dial. *All your radio-preset buttons are country. *Using the elevator involves a grain truck. *Your mayor is also your garbage hauler, barber, and insurance salesman. *You know you should listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit. *You call the wrong number and talk to the person for an hour anyway. *Your excuse for getting out of school is that the cows got out. *You know cow pies aren't made of beef. *You wake up when it's dark and go to bed when it's still light. *You can tell it's a farmer working late in his field and not a UFO. *Your nearest neighbor is in the next area code. (or a long distance call) *You know the difference between field corn and sweet corn when they are still on the stalk. *You know the code names for everyone on the CB. (Hi Junior Momma!) *You can eat an ear of corn with no utensils in under 20 seconds. *You wear your boots to church. *It takes 30 seconds to reach your destination and it's clear across town. *You can tell the smell of a skunk and the smell of feedlot apart. *The meaning of true love is that you'll ride in the tractor with him/her. *You go to Wal-Mart for your Saturday shopping. *Your main drag in town is two blocks long. (and only one block of that is paved) *You defend the beauty of being able to see the next town which is 20 miles away. ____________________________________________________ A Pastor was called to a local nursing home to perform a wedding. An anxious old man met him at the door. The pastor sat down to counsel the old man and asked several questions. "Do you love her?" The old man replied, "Nope." "Is she a good Christian woman?" "I don't know for sure," the old man answered. "Does she have lots of money?" asked the pastor. "I doubt it." "Then why are you marrying her?" the preacher asked. "Cause she can drive at night," the old man said. ---------------- I got that on my wish list too. Not on top, but it IS a consideration. No DUI record is on top, otherwise she would be blocked at customs while I go to the USA to chase cacti. ___________________________________________________ A college student with a young child was pleased when her daughter became eligible to attend the day care center at the University. The director of the day care gave the mother a tour of the facilities. To assure herself of the center's high standards, the young mother asked about the curriculum. "Well," said the director, eyes twinkling, "today we are studying the children's favorite philosopher: Play-Doh." ___________________________________________________ From: Rosa Re: Spiral Lamps Dear Webby They claim that those spiral neon lamps last 20 years. I think they are full of crap. What do you think of them? Rosa Dear Rosa If you only use them for 5 minutes every second day, what they call "Normal usage", they probably will last that long. If you leave them on, you are lucky to get 3 - 4 years pout of them. For longer lasting lights, try the LED lamps. Have FUN! Dear Webby ___________________________________________________ Keli was studying to be a counselor always went into her counseling sessions with an ear muff over one ear. After a while the supervisor became very curious and asked her about it. Keli replied, "It's for confidentiality." "Confidentiality?" asked the bewildered supervisor. "Yes, confidentiality," Keli explained, "I've been told what goes in one ear comes out the other, and I don't want anyone else knowing what my client says." __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _________________________________________________ Del Roth A Mule Deer will hear you coming a mile away. May 11 2023 Lac Ste Anne County. ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD reported by Rock, has been earned by BSO Detective Arrested For Extortion Demetrious Campbell, Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA A BSO detective was arrested for extortion and investigators say he has been closing cases as unsolved without pursuing leads. The Broward Sheriffs Office tells Boca Post that they have arrested one of their own on Tuesday. Detective Demetrious Campbell, a SVU detective and 21-year veteran of the department is in jail this morning. Investigators say that Campbell is charged with 9 counts of official misconduct and 1 count of extortion. This is after Campbells supervisors started looking into his performance following claims that a sexual battery case was not being investigated. A victim came forward and told Campbells supervisors that Campbell would not investigate her case. Campbell said that she was uncooperative and did not want to consent to an exam. The victim said that is simply not true. Authorities started looking closer into Campbells cases. Of the 99 sex crime and abuse cases from October 2021 to March 2023, Campbell closed 41 of them as unfounded. As detectives continue to investigate Campbells closed cases, they report discovering many discrepancies. Investigators say that one of the victims even said that Campbell threatened to have her deported if she pursued charges against her attacker. Sex offenses are such heinous crimes to recover from because of the emotional and sometimes physical scars endured by victims that last for many years, Sheriff Gregory Tony said. I expect all BSO employees to serve with virtuous character and integrity. Failure to fully investigate such serious crimes is reprehensible and downright disgraceful. The public can rest assured all unfounded SVU cases investigated by Campbell will be reopened and thoroughly reviewed. Victims of any crime have a right to have their cases fully investigated and their violators arrested. Demetrious Campbell was arrested and is in BSO custody while facing the following charges: 1 count of EXTORTION/THREATS per FSS 836.05 9 counts of PUBLIC SERVANT FALSIFY OFFICIAL DOCUMENT per FSS 838.022-1a ____________________________________________________ Today, May 12 in 1588, King Henry III fled Paris after Henry of Guise triumphantly entered the city. 1780, Charleston, South Carolina fell to British forces. 1847, William Clayton invented the odometer. 1870, Manitoba entered the Confederation as a Canadian province. 1881, Tunisia, in North Africa became a French protectorate. 1885, In the Battle of Batoche, French Canadians rebelled against the Canadian government. 1888, Charles Sherrill of the Yale track team became the first runner to use the crouching start for a fast break in a foot race. 1926, The airship Norge became the first vessel to fly over the North Pole. 1926, In Britain, a general strike by trade unions ended. The strike began on May 3, 1926. 1937, Britain's King George VI was crowned at Westminster Abbey. 1940, The Nazi conquest of France began with the German army crossing Muese River. 1942, The Soviet Army launched its first major offensive of World War II and took Kharkov in the eastern Ukraine from the German army. 1943, The Axis forces in North Africa surrendered during World War II. 1949, The Soviet Union announced an end to the Berlin Blockade. 1950, The American Bowling Congress abolished its white males-only membership restriction after 34 years. 1957, A.J. Foyt won his first auto racing victory in Kansas City, MO. 1965, West Germany and Israel exchanged letters establishing diplomatic relations. 1975, U.S. merchant ship Mayaguez was seized by Cambodian forces in international waters. 1978, The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration announced that they would no longer exclusively name hurricanes after women. 1982, South Africa unveiled a plan that would give voting rights to citizens of Asian and mixed-race descent, but not to black people. 1984, South African prisoner Nelson Mandela saw his wife for the first time in 22 years. 1999, Russian President Boris Yeltsin dismissed Prime Minister Yevgeny Primakov and named Interior Minister Sergei Stepashin as his successor. 2002, Former U.S. President Carter arrived in Cuba for a visit with Fidel Castro. It was the first time a U.S. head of state, in or out of office, had gone to the island since Castro's 1959 revolution. 2003, In Texas, fifty-nine Democratic lawmakers went into hiding over a dispute with Republican's over a congressional redistricting plan. 2015, It was announced that Verizon would be acquiring AOL because of AOLs huge number of experienced tech support people. 2023, Do smiled.
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