| Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, June 20 ____________________________________________________ History: today, June 20 in 1977, The Trans-Alaska Pipeline began operation. Still works well. The bears love it, and all Alaskans get thousands of dollars per year from it. ___________________________________________ Bonehead Bonehead threatened to shoot fire fighters ___________________________________________________ Q Careful. We don't want to learn from this. --- Bill Watterson (1958 - ) A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members. --- David Coblitz Study without desire spoils the memory, and it retains nothing that it takes in. --- Leonardo da Vinci (1452 - 1519) ____________________________________________________ Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. The classes used the well known mannequin victim, Rescue Anne, to practice. My group's model was legless to allow for storage in a carrying case. The class went off in groups to practice. As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked "Are you all right?" He then put his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen for breathing. Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She said she can't feel her legs!" ___________________________________________________ A high-priced call girl brings a customer to her fancy apartment. He admires the fancy furnishings and the art and asks how she was able to amass such splendor. She replies that those really were her father's, that he was a politician for forty years. He said, "How come you didn't follow in his footsteps instead of choosing this way of life ?" She sighed and said, "Oh, just lucky I guess. Besides, I had my moral standards to uphold." ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ___________________________________________________ You and whose army? ___________________________________________________ A couple is in a Lamaze class, and during one session the husband is given a bag of sand to wear around his middle to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. After cinching it around his waist, he stands up and says, "This doesn't feel so bad." In response, the instructor drops a pen and asks the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asks. "Exactly," the instructor says. The man turns to his wife and says, "Honey, pick up that pen for me." ________________________________________________ Just left Walmart where a lady with a basket full of TP asked me what kind of dog I had. I said a service dog. Very rudely she yells what type of service? I said he is a BLD. What's a BLD? She asked as she is allowing my dog to lick her face. With a straight face I said "He is my butt licking dog ( BLD ). I can't find any toilet paper anywhere because of people like you hoarding the TP so he licks my ass clean. The cashier lost it and ran away from the register. ___________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock Travis William Clark, 31, Bullhead City, Arixona, USA Arizona Bonehead arrested for threatening to shoot fire department personnel Officials with a northwestern Arizona police department say they have arrested a person for alleged threatening and disorderly conduct. In a brief statement, officials with the Bullhead City Police Department say the incident happened on the afternoon of June 15, when officers responded to reports of a man making threats to shooting fire department personnel. The man, identified by police as 31-year-old Travis William Clark, was later arrested by officers just over a mile away from the scene. ___________________________________________________ A loaded minivan pulls into the only remaining campsite. Four children leap from the vehicle and begin feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rush to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. A nearby camper marvels to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some display of teamwork." "I have a system," says the father. "No one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up." ___________________________________________________ A man appears at a woman's front door and announces, "Madam, I'm the piano tuner." "I didn't send for a tuner," the piano-playing woman replies. "I know, lady," the man says. "Your neighbor did." ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A man stops by a diner at noon, the busiest time of day, sits down at the counter and asks for a cup of coffee. The waitress, who is very busy, gives him his coffee and rushes off to help the numerous customers having lunch at the diner. The man, who uses both creamer and sugar in his coffee, notices that the container is empty. As the waitress rushes by, he asks her to bring him cream and sugar for his coffee. The waitress, busier than she can ever remember being before, rushes to the back to pick up more orders. As she passes the cabinet where the extra sugar and cream are kept, she sets a plate down and puts sugar cubes and creamer packets in her bosom because both her hands are full. After she has served the two plates she was holding, she returns to the man and asks him, "How many sugar cubes did you want in your coffee?" The man says, "Two would be fine." She reaches into her bra, pulls out two sugar cubes and drops them into his cup. "And cream?" She asks. The man looks at her, squarely in the eye and says, "I don't think so!" ----------- What a wimp! ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Robert K RE: Spam Epidemic! Dear Webby, This spam epidemic is getting right out of hand. I realize that half of our politicians are web-illiterate and that more than half of the politicians act like they have been bought by the spammers, and that we can not count on the Government for help. Personally, I doubt that vigilantes will start shooting spammers soon enough, and it seems that email as we know it, will fizzle away. Our business depends on people writing to us, but we can't handle 750 - 1000 spams a day. It's just too tedious and time copnsuming. Do you have a solution (other than declare open season on spammers) ? Robert Dear Robert How many decades have you seen the link for the MailWasher on my pages? Just go to http://mailwasher.com , and install it. Most of the spam is washed out right out of the box, and then you make filters. Making filters is easy. Select, for example, ENTIRE HEADER, CONTAINS and put the names of your favorite poiltitians and spammers in, separated by a pipe | Then tell it what to do with that. Mark it for deleting, or just dump it automatically, unseen by any human. (my favorite!!!) Done. You will be surprised how neat and trim your mail suddenly looks, and wonder if your email still works. Some tips: Do NOT bounce email. That proves your email works. Don't blacklist spam. The assholes never use the same sending address twice. Just blacklist your MIL. Start adding a "Gimmick" to your address, like for example ~ Spammers fake your address as theirs, but they forget the gimmick. So you can make a filter that dumps mail, unseen, automatically, if the sender is YOU, but does not have your gimmick. That filter usually nails about 100 spams per day You get excellent stats, even a colorful graph, that shows you which filters are the most effective. By the way, do NOT use the optional First Alert. It may be good in theory, but it is way too slow, and not precise at all. Just ignore it. The dumped mail goes into a recycle bin. Dump that now and then before it crowds you out of the county. With filters, keep in mind that once ONE filter has declared something as spam, you can not rescue it with a filter further down. The same with one filter declaring something as good, then it will not be looked at by other filters. Making filters MIGHT seemdaunting at first, but soom you will love that as a brain sport. No matter what silly ruse the spammers come up with, MailWasher will nail them and dump them. Have FUN! DearWebby __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today June 20, in 0451, Roman and Barbarian warriors brought Attila's army to a halt at the Catalaunian Plains in eastern France. They did not capture the secret of the snap bow, but they got the recipe for yoghurt. 1397, The Union of Kalmar united Denmark, Sweden, and Norway under one monarch. 1756, In India, 150 British soldiers were imprisoned in a cell that became known as the "Black Hole of Calcutta." 1782, The U.S. Congress approved the Great Seal of the United States. 1791, King Louis XVI of France was captured while attempting to flee the country in the so-called Flight to Varennes. 1793, Eli Whitney applied for a cotton gin patent. He received the patent on March 14. The cotton gin initiated the American mass-production concept. 1837, Queen Victoria ascended the British throne following the death of her uncle, King William IV. 1863, The National Bank of Philadelphia in Philadelphia, PA, became the first bank to receive a charter from the U.S. Congress. 1898, The U.S. Navy seized the island of Guam enroute to the Phillipines to fight the Spanish. 1910, Mexican President Porfirio Diaz proclaimed martial law and arrested hundreds. 1910, Fanny Brice debuted in the New York production of the "Ziegfeld Follies". 1923, France announced it would seize the Rhineland to assist Germany in paying its war debts, the amount of money the Allies had spent on weapons and ammunition and wages. 1928, Washburn-Crosby Company merged with 26 other mills to become General Mills. 1941, The U.S. Army Air Force was established, replacing the Army Air Corps. The Army Air Forces were abolished with the creation of the United States Air Force in 1947. 1943, Race-related rioting erupted in Detroit. Federal troops were sent in two days later to end the violence that left more than 30 dead. 1947, Benjamin "Bugsy" Siegel was murdered in Beverly Hills, CA, at the order of mob associates angered over the soaring costs of his project, the Flamingo resort in Las Vegas, NV. 1950, Willie Mays graduated from high school and immediately signed with the New York Giants. 1963, The United States and Soviet Union signed an agreement to set up a hot line communication link between the two countries. 1966, The U.S. Open golf tournament was broadcast in color for the first time. 1967, Muhammad Ali was convicted in Houston of violating Selective Service laws by refusing to be drafted. The U.S. Supreme Court later overturned the conviction. 1977, The Trans-Alaska Pipeline began operation. 1979, ABC News correspondent Bill Stewart was shot to death in Managua, Nicaragua, by a member of President Anastasio Somoza's national guard. 1983, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that employers must treat male and female workers equally in providing health benefits for their spouses. 1997, The tobacco industry agreed to a massive settlement in exchange for major relief from mounting lawsuits and legal bills. 2002, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the execution of mentally retarded murderers was unconstitutionally cruel. The vote was 6 in favor and 3 against. 2017, Mattel announced it was adding 15 new body types for their Ken doll to keep Barbie company.. 2023, Do smiled.
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