Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, May 26 Thank you, Elsbeth! ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Casa Grande K9 helps find 500K fentanyl pills hidden inside collagen bottles; 2 arrested ___________________________________________________ History 1908, In Persia, the first oil strike was made in the Middle East. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________________ Turn the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles. --- Frank Lloyd Wright (1869 - 1959) Advertisements... contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. --- Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826) I have such poor vision I can date anybody. --- Garry Shandling (1949 - ) ----- Yeah, me too. __________________________________________________ An Indian, a man of some years, is hanging around a film crew on location deep in the desert. One day he goes up to the director and says, "Tomorrow rain." The next day, it rains. A week later, the old fellow walks up to the director and says, "Tomorrow storm." The next day, there is a hailstorm. "This Indian is incredible," the director says. He tells his secretary to hire the man to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian disappears. Finally, the director sends for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," says the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?" The Indian shrugs his shoulders. "Don't know. They repossessed the TV." ___________________________________________________ Learning from his doctor that he had but a year to live, a man goes to his minister to ask for advice. The minister ponders the situation for a moment, then says: "Tell you what. Go buy an old pickup truck, marry the ugliest woman you can find and go live together in an old trailer in the wastelands of Oklahoma." "Will that help me live longer?" the downhearted man asks. "I'm afraid not," the minister says. "But it'll make the time you have left seem like forever." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Martha Lopez, 31, Tania Solis,30, CASA GRANDE, Arizona, USA Casa Grande K9 helps find 500K fentanyl pills hidden inside collagen bottles; 2 arrested Two people were arrested after police say they found 500,000 fentanyl pills inside collagen supplement bottles during a traffic stop near Casa Grande. According to police, an officer and K9 Deutz conducted a traffic stop on a black SUV at 5:42 p.m. on May 23 on Interstate 10. The driver, 31-year-old Martha Lopez, was pulled over for speeding. "During the traffic stop, K9 Deutz and his handler discovered approximately 500,000 Fentanyl pills concealed in collagen supplement bottles," Casa Grande Police said. "Additionally, one handgun and a large amount of U.S. currency was discovered." Lopez and her passenger, 30-year-old Tania Solis, were arrested and booked into jail. Two juveniles who were also inside the SUV were placed into the Department of Child Safety custody. Lopez and Solis, both Phoenix residents, are accused of multiple charges including possession, transportation, and importation of narcotic drugs for sale, weapons misconduct, and endangerment. "The transport and sale of drugs in our community affects us all," Casa Grande Police Chief Mark McCrory said. "It is hard to quantify the number of lives this investigation has saved, but I am sure we are making a difference. Our Officers are combating this issue daily and I commend their efforts, especially knowing our K9 who was recently bitten by a rattlesnake is already back in full service." ---- I am glad K9 Deutz is OK! ___________________________________________________ One woman in the checkout line was laden with a mop, broom and a cart full of cleaning products. The line was slow and she sighed and complained often to others waiting with her. Finally reaching the cashier, she was slowed again when the price of a cleaning liquid had to be checked. "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Easter!" she proclaimed to the entire store. "Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With that wind kicking up out there and that brand new broom, you'll be home in no time." ___________________________________________________ if you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ The priest was preparing for Mass when an IRS agent arrived. The agent asked: "Father, do you know a Mr. Mahoney?" "Why yes I do," the priest replied. "He's been a member in good standing in this parish for many years." "Did he make a $50,000 donation to the church as he claimed on his tax return?" Without missing a beat, the priest replied, "Rest assured he will, my son -- he definitely will." ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A 16-year-old girl buys herself a very skimpy bikini. Modeling it for her mother, she asks: "So, Mom, what do you think?" Her mother replies, "I think that if I had worn that when I was your age, you'd be five years older!" ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Spreadsheet grid lines Hi Dear Webby, I again seek your invaluable help with how to show grid lines from a spread sheet list when printing it Thanks mucho as always. Be well, live long, prosper, and Carpe Diem, Walter Dear Walter That depends on the spreadsheet you aew using. Open office / office libre calc, microsoft excel, quattro pro, etc. They all do it slightly differently so that they won't get sued too much. Usually they have a button, that has grid lines. That lets you choose what kind of grid lines you want, horizontal, vertical, both, just the selection, etc. I usually use "just the selection" that way I can have normal text with just a spreadsheet insert. Look for that button with a spreadsheet grid on it, make your selection, and experiment. Once you are in that button, it's easy. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ On a bulletin board: Success Is Relative. The more The Success, The more The Relatives. When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking, I Gave Up Reading Sign In A Bar: 'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please do Pay In Advance.' Sign In Driving School: If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman Laugh And The World Laughs With You, Snore And You Sleep Alone | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man says, "I do Father." The priest says, "Then leave this pub right now!" and approaches a second man. "Do you want to got to heaven?" "Certainly, Father," is the man's reply. "Then leave this den of Satan," says the priest, and he walks up to O'Toole. "Do you want to go to heaven?" "No, I don't Father," O'Toole replies. The priest looked him right in the eye, and said, "You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?" O'Toole smiles, "Oh, when I die, yes, Father. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now." ______________________________________________ The mother of a problem child complained to the pediatrician that she was on the go constantly trying to ward off the little boy's next misadventure. The pediatrician prescribed tranquilizers for her and on her next visit he asked whether they had helped calm her. "Yes" the mother answered. "And how is your son now?" he asked. "Who cares?" she replied. ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Dear God: --"Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother." -- Larry. --"If You watch me in church on Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes." -- Mickey. --"In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation?" -- Jane. --"I read the Bible. What does 'begat' mean? Nobody will tell me." -- Alison. --"Did You mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?" -- Norma. --"Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy." -- Joyce. ___________________________________________________ | Today, May 26, in 0017, Germanicus of Rome celebrated his victory over the Germans. 1328, William of Ockham was forced to flee from Avignon by Pope John XXII. 1521, Martin Luther was banned by the Edict of Worms because of his religious beliefs and writings. 1647, A new law banned Catholic priests from the colony of Massachusetts. The penalty was banishment or death for a second offense. 1660, King Charles II of England landed at Dover after being exiled for nine years. 1670, A treaty was signed in secret in Dover, England, between Charles II and Louis XIV ending the hostilities between them. 1691, Jacob Leiser, leader of the popular uprising in support of William and Marys accession to the English throne, was executed for treason. 1736, The British and Chickasaw Indians defeated the French at the Battle of Ackia. 1791, The French Assembly forced King Louis XVI to hand over the crown and state assets. 1805, Napoleon Bonaparte was crowned King of Italy in Milan Cathedral. 1831, Russians defeated the Poles at battle of Ostrolenska. 1835, A resolution was passed in the U.S. Congress stating that Congress has no authority over state slavery laws. 1836, The U.S. House of Representatives adopted what has been called the Gag Rule. 1864, The Territory of Montana was organized. 1865, Arrangements were made in New Orleans for the surrender of Confederate forces west of the Mississippi. 1868, U.S. President Andrew Johnson was acquitted, by one vote, of all charges in his impeachment trial. 1896, The last czar of Russia, Nicholas II, was crowned. 1908, In Persia, the first oil strike was made in the Middle East. 1926, In Morocco, rebel leader Abd el Krim surrendered. 1938, The House Committee on Un-American Activities began its work of searching for subversives in the United States. 1940, The evacuation of Allied troops from Dunkirk, France, began during World War II, ending the unsuccessful invasion. 1946, A patent was filed in the United States for an H- bomb. 1946, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill signed a military pact with Russian leader Joseph Stalin. Stalin promised a "close collaboration after the war." 1948, The U.S. Congress passed Public Law 557 which permanently established the Civil Air Patrol as the Auxiliary of the new U.S. Air Force. 1956, The first trailer bank opened for business in Locust Grove, Long Island, NY. The 46-foot-long trailer took in $100,000 in deposits its first day. 1959, The word "Frisbee" became a registered trademark of Wham-O. 1961, Civil rights activist group Freedom Ride Coordinating Committee was established in Atlanta, GA. 1961, A U.S. Air Force bomber flew across the Atlantic in a record time of just over three hours. 1969, The Apollo 10 astronauts returned to Earth after a successful eight-day dress rehearsal for the first manned moon landing. 1972, The Strategic Arms Limitation Treaty (SALT I) was signed by the U.S. and USSR. The short-term agreement put a freeze on the testing and deployment of intercontinental and submarine-launched ballistic missiles for a 5-year period. 1973, Kathy Schmidt set an American womens javelin record with a throw of 207 feet, 10 inches. 1975, American stuntman Evel Knievel suffered severe spinal injuries in Britain when he crashed while attempting to jump 13 buses in his car. 1977, George H. Willig was arrested after he scaled the South Tower of New York's World Trade Center. It took him 3 1/2 hours. 1978, The first legal casino in the Eastern U.S. opened in Atlantic City, NJ. 1987, Sri Lanka launched Operation Liberation. It was an offensive against the Tamil rebellion in Jaffra. 1988, The Edmonton Oilers won their fourth NHL Stanley Cup in five seasons. They swept the series 4 games to 0 against the Boston Bruins. 1994, U.S. President Clinton renewed trade privileges for China, and announced that his administration would no longer link China's trade status with its human rights record. 1998, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that Ellis Island was mainly in New Jersey, not New York. 1998, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police officers in high-speed chases are liable for bystander injuries only if their "actions shock the conscience." 1998, The Grand Princess cruise ship made its inaugural cruise. The ship measured 109,000 tons and cost approximately $450 million, making it the largest and most expensive cruise ship ever built. 1998, The United States Senate approved legislation that allowed the U.S. Mint flexibility on how the mandatory inscriptions on the Washington quarter could be placed. H.R. 3301 allowed the mandatory inscriptions to be moved to the front of the quarter for the 50 States Circulating Commemorative Coin Program. 2022 Do smiled. |
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