Good Morning, Do, Today is Thursday, February 1 You can sleep in tomorrow. Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Escaped Texas inmate arrested running back to jail with bag of booze, food Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, February 1 in 1788 Isaac Briggs and William Longstreet patented the steamboat. 1900 Eastman Kodak Co. introduced the $1 Brownie box camera. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead. --- Charles Bukowski (1920 - 1994) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Hilde for this story: The students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes." "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun." Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "How far away did they stand?" And Bubba asked: "Did they get both ears with one shot?" ______________________________________________________ During my surgical residency I was called out of a sound sleep to the emergency room. Unshaven and with tousled hair, I showed up with an equally unpresentable medical student. In the ER we encountered the on-call medical resident and his student, both neatly attired in clean white lab coats. The resident said to his student, "You can always tell the surgeons by their absolute disregard for appearance." Two evenings later, I was at a banquet when called to the ER to suture a minor laceration. I was stitching away, wearing a tuxedo, when I encountered that same medical resident. He looked at me, then said to his student, "Sure is sensitive to criticism, isn't he?" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Clown fish _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ An employment interviewer for a big company in Atlanta was talking to an attractive young woman applying for a job. Looking over the application form, the interviewer noticed that the girl had not answered one important question concerning transportation to and from work. "What about your bus line?" the interviewer asked her. "I don't believe I mentioned it," came the pleased reply, "but it's 38-D." _____________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joshua Hansen, 25, in federal prison in Beaumont, now, Texas Escaped Texas inmate arrested running back to jail with bag of booze, food An escaped inmate in Texas is back behind bars, after authorities caught him running back to the prison with a duffel bag of alcohol, home-cooked food and tobacco. Jefferson County Sheriff's officers and U.S. Marshals were tipped off that inmates were escaping the federal prison in Beaumont, Texas, and crossing onto a rancher's land that backs up to the federal complex. The inmates would then pick up contraband that was dropped off for them and bring it back to the prison. After authorities set up surveillance on Wednesday, they spotted a truck pulling onto the private property and dropping off a large bag. Shortly after, Joshua Hansen, an inmate serving time for narcotics charges, was seen running from prison grounds, grabbing the bag and making his way back when police arrested him. Inside the duffel bag, police found three bottles of Brandy, one bottle of Whiskey, multiple bags of Buglar tobacco, prepackaged snacks and a large amount of home-cooked food, including BBQ sausage and fried chicken. Hansen, 25, is charged with escape and possession of marijuana, according to the Jefferson County Sheriff's Office. He is currently on a federal hold. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ormond Re: Spreadsheet to web page Dear Webby, Is there an easy way to transfer part of a spreadsheet to a web page? Thanks Ormond Dear Ormond Copy the parts, that you want to transfer, into a new spreadsheet, and save that one as an HTML web page. Open that file, and copy the entire table that is in it, and paste it into the page where you want it. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. February Holidays Feb. 1.........Freedom Day .............Give Kids a Smile Day .............Robinson Crusoe Day Feb. 2.......Groundhog Day ...............Sled Dog Day Feb. 3..........National Girls & Women in Sports Day ............The Day the Music Died (look it up, youngsters!) Feb. 4..........Quacker Day ............Thank a Mailman Day Feb. 5..........Wear Red Day ............National Weatherman's Day Feb. 6..........MOBIUS Awards Day ............Lame Duck Day Feb. 7..........Ballet Day ............Charles Dickens Day ............Send a Card to a Friend Day Feb. 8..........Kite Flying Day ............Boy Scout Birthday Feb. 9..........Read in the Bathtub Day Feb. 10........Umbrella Day Feb. 11........National Shut-in Visitation Day ............Make a Friend Day ............White T-Shirt Day Feb. 12........Lincoln's Birthday ............Safety Pup Day ............National Plum Pudding Day Feb. 13........Get a Different Name Day Feb. 14........Valentine's Day ............Ferris Wheel Day ............Library Lovers' Day ............League of Women Voters Day ............Race Relations Day Feb. 15........Susan B. Anthony Day ............National Gum Drop Day Feb. 16........Pancake Day ............Do a Grouch a Favor Day Feb. 17........World Human Spirit Day ............Random Acts of Kindness Day ............Champion Crab Races Day Feb. 18........Introduce a Girl to Engineering Day ............Pluto Day Feb. 19........National Chocolate Mint Day Feb. 20........Clam Chowder Day ............World Day for Social Justice ............Love Your Pet Day ............Northern Hemisphere Hoodie Hoo Day Feb. 21........Card Reading Day Feb. 22........George Washington's Birthday ............Walking the Dog Day ............Be Humble Day Feb. 23........Curling is Cool Day ............Tennis Day ............International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day Feb. 24........National Tortilla Chip Day Feb. 25........National Chili Day Feb. 26........Levi Strauss Day ............For Pete's Sake Day ............Tell a Fairy Tale Day ............Carnival Day Feb. 27........International Polar Bear Day ............No Brainer Day Feb. 28........National Tooth Fairy Day ............Floral Design Day | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
"Flight 1234," the control tower advised, "turn right 45 degrees for noise abatement." "Roger," the pilot responded, "but we're at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir," the radar man replied, "have you ever heard the noise a 727 makes when it hits a 747?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stop Charging and Start Using Cash If your credit card debt is getting out of hand, the first thing you need to do is stop using your credit cards. Many people get into the mindset of "I'll pay it off later" or "I'm already in debt, what will a little debt hurt?". They keep using credit cards for everyday expenses so they don't feel broke and don't have to change their spending patterns. Retire your credit cards, set up a budget and start paying with cash. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ The local parish had a fairly new priest. He had wonderful, innovative ideas that were, for the most part accepted by the congregation. His mentor - a "higher ranking" priest came for a visit - to see how he was doing. After looking the parish over, the senior priest said, "Father John, your idea of a drive through confessional is wonderful. That makes it so convenient for your church members. And, Father John, it was a really good idea to have the confessional open 24 hours a day, for those who work shift work. However, Father John... that flashing neon sign that says "TOOT and TELL or GO to HELL" ... well, it has GOT TO GO!! | | Artist Blows Glass Vases Directly Into Slabs of Live Edge Wood |
A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read, "Unique Breakfast" so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. "What's your Unique Breakfast?" he asked inquisitively. "Baked tongue of chicken!" she proudly replied. "Baked tongue of chicken?...baked tongue of chicken! Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" he fumed. Undaunted, the waitress asked, "What would you like then?" "Just bring me some scrambled eggs," the man replied. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, February 1, in 1788 Isaac Briggs and William Longstreet patented the steamboat. 1790 The U.S. Supreme Court convened for the first time in New York City. 1793 France declared war on Britain and Holland. 1793 Ralph Hodgson patented oiled silk. 1842 In New York City, the "City Despatch Post" began operations. It was a private company that was the first to introduce adhesive postage stamps in the western hemisphere. The company was bought by the U.S. governemnt a few months laster and renamed "United States City Despatch Post." 1862 "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," by Julia Ward Howe was first published in the "Atlantic Monthly." 1865 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln signed a Joint Resolution submitting the proposed 13th Amendment to the states. 1867 In the U.S., bricklayers start working 8-hour days. 1884 The first edition of the Oxford English Dictionary was published. 1893 Thomas A. Edison completed work on the world's first motion picture studio in West Orange, NJ. 1896 Puccini's opera "La Boheme" premiered in Turin. 1898 The Travelers Insurance Company of Hartford, CT, issued the first automobile insurance policy. Dr. Truman Martin of Buffalo, NY, paid $11.25 for the policy, which gave him $5,000 in liability coverage. 1900 Eastman Kodak Co. introduced the $1 Brownie box camera. 1913 Grand Central Terminal (also known as Grand Central Station) opened in New York City, NY. It was the largest train station in the world. 1919 The first Miss America was crowned in New York City. 1920 The first armored car was introduced. 1920 Canada's Royal North West Mounted Police changed their name to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. The organization was commissioned in 1873. 1921 Carmen Fasanella registered as a taxicab owner and driver in Princeton, New Jersey. Fasanella retired November 2, 1989 after 68 years and 243 days of service. 1929 Weightlifter Charles Rigoulet of France achieved the first 400 pound 'clean and jerk' as he lifted 402-1/2 pounds. 1930 The Times published its first crossword puzzle. 1946 Norwegian statesman Trygve Lie was chosen to be the first secretary-general of the United Nations. 1951 The first telecast of an atomic explosion took place. 1951 The first X-ray moving picture process was demonstrated. 1957 P.H. Young became the first black pilot on a scheduled passenger airline. 1958 The United Arab Republic was formed by a union of Egypt and Syria. It was broken 1961. 1960 Four black college students began a sit-in protest at a lunch counter in Greensboro, NC. They had been refused service. 1968 During the Vietnam War, South Vietnamese National Police Chief Brig. Gen. Nguyen Ngoc Loan executed a Viet Cong officer and rapist with a pistol shot to the head. The scene was captured in a news photograph and thoroughly abused by the anti-war media. 1976 "Sonny and Cher" resumed on TV despite a real life divorce. 1979 Patty Hearst was released from prison after serving 22 months of a seven-year sentence for bank robbery. Her sentence had been commuted by U.S. President Carter. 1979 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini was welcomed in Tehran as he ended nearly 15 years of exile. 1987 Terry Williams won the largest slot machine payoff, at the time, when won $4.9 million after getting four lucky 7s on a machine in Reno, NV. 1991 A USAir jetliner crashed atop a commuter plane at Los Angeles International Airport. 35 people were killed. 1994 Jeff Gillooly pled guilty in Portland, OR, for his role in the attack on figure skater Nancy Kerrigan. Gillooly, Tonya Harding's ex- husband, struck a plea bargain under which he confessed to racketeering charges in exchange for testimony implicating Harding. 1996 Visa and Mastercard announced security measures that would make it safe to shop on the Internet. 1999 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky gave a deposition that was videotaped for senators weighing impeachment charges against U.S. President Clinton. 2001 Three Scottish judges found Abdel Basset al-Mergrahi guilty of the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103, which killed 270 people. The court said that Megrahi was a member of the Libyan intelligence service. Al-Amin Khalifa, who had been co-accused, was acquitted and freed. 2003 NASA's space shuttle Columbia exploded while re-entering the Earth's atmosphere. All seven astronauts on board were killed. 2018 Do smiled. |
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