Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, August 16 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida woman tries to flee after wrong-way crash on I-75 Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, August 16 in 1812 Detroit fell to Indian and British troops in the War of 1812. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. --- Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977) Don't think you're on the right road just because its a well-beaten path. --- Socratex The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. --- Elizabeth Taylor ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >Ella Can you please send the Alabama Vasectomy joke again? Thanks Ella After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afford a larger doublewide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in 'Bama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me" So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherrybomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . ", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ ONE RECRUIT in our platoon at Fort Knox, Ky., had an unusual habit. No matter what lowly detail he pulled, he would smile. On a 20-mile hike with full backpack, this guy beamed from ear to ear. Cleaning the latrine had him smiling as if he'd just heard a comedy routine. But on our long-awaited graduation day, everyone was grinning except him. "Why," I asked, "aren't you smiling today?" "Because, now," he said, "it won't drive our drill instructor crazy!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ DURING the Air Force Academy's basic cadet training, the new cadets, known as doolies, go through a ten-day encampment outdoors. Prior to being served in the chow tent, they are required to do pullups and then get in line to answer questions about the academy. If they answer correctly, they are allowed to proceed inside. If not, they are sent to the back of the line. One doolie had been sent back a number of times because he didn't reel off the answers. When the poor cadet came up again, a sympathetic upperclassman asked him, "What does the abbreviation S.I.D.N.K. stand for?" The doolie bowed his head and replied, "Sir, I do not know." "Right!" the upperclassman said. "Go on in there and get some chow!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jacqueline Burge, 54, Sarasota County, Florida Florida woman tries to flee after wrong-way crash on I-75 A Florida woman with a long arrest record was arrested after she tried to flee the scene of a car crash on I-75, FOX13 Tampa reported. Jacqueline Burge, 54, reportedly refused to stop after Sarasota County Sheriff's deputies attempted to pull her over. She hit a deputy's cruiser after driving through a yard before merging onto I-75 southbound. She then lost control, damaged another cruiser and then fled again, the report said. Burge tried to flee on foot but was quickly captured. FOX13 said Burge had drugs on her and several ID cards. Burge has been arrested several times in Sarasota County alone, including arrests for theft, prostitution, and drug possession, the TV station said. From: Healy Re: Pictures from camera Dear Webby, A friend reamed me out for trasnferring pictures straight from the camera to the computer, and claimed you had said to never do that. Unfortunately she could not remember why not? Does that affect the picture quality? Healy Dear Healy It drains your camera batteries very quickly. The USB port runs at 5 Volt, the camera at 6 Volt. So the camera tries to charge up the USB port, which is regulated and backed up by the power grid. The batteries have not got a chance, and especially if you do some sorting and deleting, you will drain the batteries to near flat. There is supposed to be a diode in there preventing that, but that usually does not work. A chip reader costs $6 - $12. Just pop the camera chip in there and then take your time. It runs on USB power and you can transfer and edit as much as you got time for. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A crew of highway maintenance workers were sent to repair some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The first one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer crossing. As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one member, a goober, looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway. She turned to a co-worker and said, "I wonder how long he's been waiting to cross?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped exhausted. His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word. "My, you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?" "It was terrible," her husband said. "The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fixing Wallpaper Bubbles If you have a large wallpaper bubble, cut an X in the bubble. Peel back from the center, apply a bit of wallpaper paste to each corner and flatten with a damp sponge. For smaller bubbles, cut a slit in the bubble and squirt a little paper adhesive into the slit then smooth out the bubble. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | The sacred grove of Bomarzo. |
___________________________________________________ On her 15th birthday, my daughter opened a package from her Mom and her sisters. Out came a beauty case containing many samples of makeup. "Neat!" I exclaimed. "Your own tackle box!" My wife calmly explained that it was NOT a tackle box, it was a beauty kit. My daughter proceeded to open it up and show us all the mascara, eye shadow, rouge, and other cosmetics. At this point I leaned over to my wife and whispered, "I told you it was a tackle box. Just look at all those lures." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
"A pedestrian is a person who should be seen and not hurt." "Customers who think the waiter is rude, should see the manager." "Sorry to needle you. We need your blood." On a college president's door: "Closed--If it's something important, see the custodian." Municipal golf course sign: "Please don't find lost balls until they stop rolling. New Jersey tourist sign: "Come to beautiful Atlantic City and see the bored walk." Sign in a nut shop: "No credit cards here. Strictly cashew and carry. By some bananas in a fruit store: "Please don't tear us apart. We grew up together. In a barbershop window: "Cutting out for lunch." Sign outside a service garage in Seattle, Washington: "Please do not drive in when doors are shut. ____________________________________________________ | Today, August 16 in 1777 During the American Revolutionary War, the Battle of Bennington took place. New England's minutemen routed the British regulars. 1812 Detroit fell to Indian and British troops in the War of 1812. 1829 The "Siamese twins," Chang and Eng Bunker, arrived in Boston, MA. They had come to the Western world to be exhibited. They were 18 years old and joined at the waist. 1842 In New York City, the U.S. government took over operations of the City Despatch Post. This was the first congressionally authorized local postage delivery. 1858 A telegraphed message from Britain's Queen Victoria to U.S. President Buchanan was transmitted over the recently laid trans-Atlantic cable. 1861 U.S. President Lincoln prohibited the Union states from trading with the states of the Confederacy. 1923 Carnegie Steel Corporation put into place the eight- hour workday for its employees. 1937 Harvard University became the first school to have graduate courses in traffic engineering and administration. 1954 Sports Illustrated was published for the first time. It was claimed that 250,000 subscriptions had been sold before the first issue came off of the presses. 1960 Cyprus was granted independence from Britain. 1960 The free-fall world record was set by Joseph Kittinger. He fell more than 16 miles (about 84,000 feet) before opening his parachute over New Mexico. 1978 Xerox was fined for excluding Smith-Corona Mfg. from the copier market. The fine was $25.6 million. 1995 Voters in Bermuda rejected independence from Great Britain. 1999 In Russia, Vladimir V. Putin was confirmed as prime minister by the lower house of parliament. 2018 Do smiled. |
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