Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, October 3 Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Georgia pastor charged with rape and aggravated child molestation of 10-year-old girl at shelter Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, October 3, in 1893 The motor-driven vacuum cleaner was patented by J.S. Thurman. See More of what happened on this day in history. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ The saying "Getting there is half the fun" became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines. --- Henry J. Tillman "There are more important things in life than money - but they won't go out with you if you're broke." --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Helen and Amanda were discussing their busy schedules. Helen said, "Amanda, I must ask you something. Every day I feel incredibly run down and tired. And yet, I see you looking as fresh as a rose. I have to know: what's your secret?" "My secret? Every morning, without fail, I wake up at six o'clock sharp." "You wake up at six o'clock?" "Yes, and then I look at the clock, see what time it is, and go back to sleep for another four hours." ______________________________________________________ 2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP $29.99 ______________________________________________________ A man walked into a beer joint near Waco and ordered a beer. Just then former President Clinton appeared on the television. After a few sips, the stranger looked up at the television and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen." A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him. A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Hillary Clinton appeared on the television. "She's a horse's ass, too," he muttered. This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him and knocked him flat. The man said, climbing back up to the bar, "This must be Clinton country!" "Nope," says the bartender, "horse country." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Danny Wells, Smyrna, Cobb County, Georgia Georgia pastor charged with rape and aggravated child molestation of 10-year-old girl at shelter Police arrested Wells Thursday afternoon. An investigation, which began in Alabama, led police to Wells after a 10-year- old girl told police that Wells had sexually abused her. The Garden's been open for 10 years, so there is a concern there may be additional victims, adult and juvenile, said McCreary. The young girl was apparently staying at the Garden Recovery Center with her mother earlier this year for recovery services. Police said there was a delay in reporting the crime because the girl and her mother had moved out of state. The child did make statements to the Alabama police department during an interview that concerned them. They contacted our Cobb County Crime Department, said the lieutenant. While police in Cobb County expect more of Wells victims to come forward, the victim told detectives in Dothan, Alabama, that the pastor attacked her in a recovery center in Smyrna, Georgia, about 30 miles away from where he founded 7 Bridges to Recovery ministry. "The investigation into this incident is ongoing and there may be additional victims," police said. The investigation is ongoing and Cobb County Police said there may be additional victims. Anyone with information is asked to contact the Cobb County Police Department's Crimes Against Children's Unit. According to the 990 tax form of 7 Bridges, Wells was the CEO. The form, filed May 3, says the church recieved $602,966 in contributions and grants this year and $498,731 last year. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Manny RE: Tripod substitute Dear Webby, You ranked a purse full of sand higher than a store bought tripod. Why is that? Manny Dear Manny Get a fishing rod and try turning a light switch on or off. Did you notice how the tip wavered around due to the slightest jitter in your hand? Now imagine that fishing rod to be a mile long, or even just a quarter mile, and how far the slightest jitter will move the tip. You can even clamp your fishing rod onto a storebought tripod, and see how much the tip jitters around. Look along the fishing rod, using the tip as a gun sight, to a point a quarter mile away. Would you be able to keep your "gun sight" on a moose? Most tripods amplify tiny ground vibrations. An old, soft leather purse filled with sand does the opposite. It dampens vibrations. If you can't find a soft, old leather purse at a second hand store, get an old suede or similar kids or ladie's jacket. Cut off a sleeve to about 6 inches long, turn it inside out and glue one end shut. Rip out any smooth lining. Turn it right side out, fill it with dry sand, but not too tightly, and glue the open end shut. Now you have a nice little pillow. Old leather or suede does not slip off a car or fence post. Now you can nestle the camera on that pillow. It will sit steady, and the ground vibrations will be dampened. Have FUN! DearWebby Ralph was an Air Force colonel. He routinely flew on different aircraft to familiarize himself with their capabilities. One day he was aboard an intelligence aircraft where each crew member was surrounded by complex gear. A young major showed him his computer screen. "That's a chat screen, Sir," the soldier said. "We use it to relay enemy information to the crew--like instant messaging." Nodding, he moved down the line. Flashing on an airman's screen several feet away was this warning: "Heads up! brass coming your way! Close the porn!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use a Bathroom Rug to Move Furniture By Teri [1 Post, 1 Comment] Recently I needed to switch furniture in two rooms in my house. I have beautiful hardwood floors that are 57 years old and was afraid of scratching them. The furniture I needed to move (by myself) was heavy, big pieces and cumbersome. I thought about getting some of those mover thingies you put under the legs to move things but I didn't trust them to not scratch the floors. On the day I started moving the small stuff, I was doing laundry. My bathroom rugs (non-skid back, fluffy top) were sitting on the floor by the washer and I had a light bulb moment! I took the rugs into one room and turned them upside down. I put a small table on top and slide the table into the next room. NO marks on the floor! I have a 5' sideboard which is super heavy and I managed to move that on top of a rug BY MYSELF! So next time you need to move some furniture over hardwood floors just grab a bathroom rug! By Teri from Long Beach, CA Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A teacher caught a student in the hall during class time and said, "Jill, tell me, whose class you're cutting this time?" The young teen said, "Like, uh, see, okay, like it's like, I really don't like, think like, that's really important, y'know, like because I'm, y'know, like I don't get anything out of it." The teacher smiled and said, "It's your English class, isn't it?" ____________________________________________________ In a fancy restaurant in Columbia, a Yuppie started to choke on a bone. A man rushed over, reassured the Yuppie that he was going to be all right and identified himself as a doctor. He performed the Heimlich Maneuver. The bone popped out. As the man's breath & voice returned he said, "I'm ever so grateful doctor, how can I ever repay you?" The doctor smiled and said, "I'll settle for one-tenth of what you were willing to pay while you were choking." ____________________________________________________ Groan Alert: Bob was telling his friend Joe about his vacation in France. Bob talked about how lovely the Eiffel Tower was, the exquisite works of art at the Louvre, the Notre Dame, and of course, the easy French women. Joe asked Bob, "Was there anything you didn't like about France?" "Well," Bob replies, "there was one thing that was strange about it. In France, anything you eat, anything you drink, even the air that you breathe over there cleans out your colon. I mean, it REALLY cleans your colon out." So Joe says, "Gee, with France like that, who needs enemas?" ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ | Today on October 3 in 1863 U.S. President Lincoln declared that the last Thursday of November would be recognized as Thanksgiving Day. 1888 "The Yeomen of the Guard" was performed for the first time. It was the first of 423 shows. 1893 The motor-driven vacuum cleaner was patented by J.S. Thurman. 1901 The Victor Talking Machine Company was incorporated. After a merger with Radio Corporation of America the company became RCA-Victor. 1906 W.T. Grant opened a 25-cent department store. 1922 Rebecca L. Felton became the first female to hold office of U.S. Senator. She was appointed by Governor Thomas W. Hardwick of Georgia to fill a vacancy. 1929 The Kingdom of Serbs, Croats and Slovenes officially changed its name to the Kingdom of Yugoslavia. 1932 Iraq was admitted into the League of Nations leading Britain to terminate their mandate over the nation. Britain had ruled Iraq since taking it from Turkey during World War I. 1935 Italian forces invaded Abyssinia (now Ethiopia). 1941 Adolf Hitler stated in a speech that Russia was "broken" and they "would never rise again." With the help of the USA, they did. 1942 The Office of Economic Stabilization was established by U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. He also authorized controls on rents, wages, salaries and farm prices. 1944 During World War II, U.S. troops broke through the Siegfried Line. 1951 CBS-TV aired the first coast-to-coast telecast of a prizefight. Dave Sands defeated Carl Olson at Soldier Field in Chicago. 1952 Britain became the third nuclear power in the world when they successfully detonated their first atomic bomb. The U.S. and Russia were the only other nuclear powers. 1962 The Sigma VII blasted off from Cape Canaveral for a nine- hour flight. 1962 The play, "Stop the World, I Want to Get Off!" opened on Broadway. 1981 Irish Nationalists in Maze Prison in Belfast, Northern Ireland called off their hunger strike. The strike had lasted 7 months and ten people had died. 1988 The space shuttle Discovery landed safely after its four- day mission. It was the first American shuttle mission since the Challenger disaster. 1989 East Germany suspended unrestricted travel to Czechoslovakia in an effort to slow the flow of refugees to the West. 1990 The Berlin Wall was dismantled eleven months after the borders between East and West Germany were dissolved. The unification of Germany ended 45 years of division. 1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein made a visit to Kuwait since his country had seized control of the oil-rich nation. 1994 The headquarters of the Haitian pro-army militia was raided by U.S. soldiers. 2003 Ray Horn, of the duo "Siegfried & Roy," was attacked by tiger during a performance. Roy survived the attack after being dragged offstage. The tiger, a 7-year-old male named Montecore, was debuting in his first show. 2006 North Korea announced that it would conduct a nuclear test as a key step in the manufacture of atomic bombs that it viewed as a deterrent against a U.S. attack. A date for the test was not announced. 2016 Do smiled. |
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