Good Morning, Do! Happy Valentines Day! Today is Thursday, February 14 Today's Bonehead Award: New Jersey burglar gives cops the garden state salute on the way to jail ______________________________________________________ Today, February 14 in 1929 The "St. Valentine's Day Massacre" took place in Chicago, IL. Seven gangsters who were rivals of Al Capone were killed. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Love has no place in a lawyer's office. --- Elizabeth Aston, Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away... if your car could go straight upwards. ---Sir Fred Hoyle Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? --- Jay Leno (1950 - ) The average person thinks he isn't. --- Father Larry Lorenzoni One fool can ask more questions in a minute than twelve wise men can answer in an hour. --- Nikolai Lenin ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ There was a Russian, a German and a Swiss at an industrial trade fair and having a beer after answering silly questions all day. The Russian said that their rubber soles are so good that a guy, who fell off a roof of a house, did not even break a leg. The German replied he knew of a case where a man wearing his comany's boots jumped off a burning 5-story building and lived to tell the tale. The Swiss had to counter that. He told of a suicider, who had jumped off a 10 story building and kept bouncing back up. After three days they had to shoot him down, so that they could sweep the sidewalk. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon." Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then said to her, "Uh-oh ... I know what *you've* been doing." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Linda for this picture: _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shana Hilsman, 32, Old Bridge, New Jersey New Jersey burglar gives cops the garden state salute on the way to jail The 32-year-old New Jerseyan has been charged with breaking into multiple vehicles in Spotswood, a borough several miles from her Garden State residence. As seen in the above mug shot, Hilsman was not happy to pose for police earlier this month. When collared, Hilsman was carrying numerous burglary tools, cops say. She was charged with burglary, criminal trespass, and possession of burglary tools, and booked into the Middlesex County Adult Corrections Center. According to court records, Hilsman was convicted last year of burglary and sentenced to three years of probation. From: Moe Re: Opera Dear DearWebby, Dear Webby, I dumped Chrome last year.... and got Opera. Not have issues so far. And has a nice side bar for History, Downloads, etc. Plus can set options galore. So can uses while I am in Firefox but want check on something else. moe ps,,, and it a good idea to go look at Crap Cleaner Startup to see what shit Google starts up at boot. Disable or Delete the junk. Dear Moe Excellent Advice! Thank you, Moe! Have Fun! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A friend of mine was visiting a college, which had those security call boxes every few hundred feet. If you were wandering around the campus at night and felt uneasy about somebody following you, for instance, you could hit the button and have a security officer come investigate im- mediately. One of these phones had a sign that said, "Out of Order." Underneath it someone had scrawled, "Keep Running!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Waiting for our aerobics class to begin, several of us were standing around in our leotards chatting about fitness and diets. One woman said that her brother-in-law had quit smoking, gone on a diet and lost weight all at the same time. Thinking to myself that no human being could possibly do this without acquiring at least one other undesirable habit for compensation, I jokingly asked her, "What did he start doing instead of these things?" After a slight pause, she smiled and said, "Well, my sister is pregnant now." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Pet ID Tags Make sure all of your pets have an ID tag with your current contact information on it, just in case. Update the microchip information too. The chances of getting a lost pet back are much greater with a current tage. You get can get inexpensive pet tags made at all pet store chains. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | House hunting like a Russian millionaire is seriously entertaining stuff. |
___________________________________________________ The young lady asked her betrothed, "What did my father say when you asked permission to marry me?" "Not a lot, really." replied the man. "He threw his arms around me, started sobbing, and kept saying, 'Oh, thank you. Thank you'..." ___________________________________________________ Morris and Manuel were partners in a very successful garment manufacturing company in N.Y.C. They Both were having a 'fling' with Beckie....a young attractive model who worked for their firm. One rainy day Beckie announced to her two lovers,"I'm pregnant!" Since both partners were married men they decided that Manuel would take Beckie to Mexico where she could have the baby in without a scandal. Manuel took off for Mexico with Beckie while Morris ran the business and worried. Several months later an Email arrived for Morris from Manuel. It read..." Dear Partner: Beckie had Twins. Mine died at birth. What shall I do with yours ? ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
GROAN ALERT A local homemade bread company was investigated by the Department of Health because the owner would not provide the recipe for his bread. When asked by the local reporters why the recipe was a secret, he replied, "Because its classified, and on a kneed the dough basis only." ___________________________________________________ | Today February 14 in 1778 The Stars and Stripes was carried to a foreign port, in France, for the first time. It was aboard the American ship Ranger. 1803 Moses Coates received a patent for the apple parer. 1849 The first photograph of a U.S. President, while in office, was taken by Matthew Brady in New York City. President James Polk was the subject of the picture. 1876 Alexander Graham Bell filed an application for a patent for the telephone. It was officially issued on March 7, 1876. 1889 In Los Angeles, CA, oranges began their first trip to the east. 1895 Oscar Wilde's final play, "The Importance of Being Earnest," opened at the St. James' Theatre in London. 1899 The U.S. Congress approved voting machines for use in federal elections. 1900 Russia imposed tighter imperial control over Finland in response to an international petition for Finland's freedom. 1900 In South Africa, British Gen. Roberts invaded Orange Free State with 20,000 troops. 1912 The first diesel engine submarine was commissioned in Groton, CT. 1929 The "St. Valentine's Day Massacre" took place in Chicago, IL. Seven gangsters who were rivals of Al Capone were killed. 1940 The first porpoise born in captivity arrived at Marineland in Florida. 1945 Peru, Paraguay, Chile and Ecuador joined the United Nations. 1946 ENIAC (Electronic Numerical Integrator and Computer) was unveiled. The device, built at the University of Pennsylvania, was the world's first general purpose electronic computer. 1961 Lawrencium, element 103, was first produced in Berkely, CA. 1966 Wilt Chamberlain of the Philadelphia 76ers set a National 1979 Adolph Dubs, the U.S. ambassador to Afghanistan, was kidnapped in Kabul by Muslim extremists. He was killed in a shootout between his abductors and police. 1985 Cable News Network (CNN) reporter Jeremy Levin was freed. He had been held in Lebanon by extremists. 1989 Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini called on Muslims to kill Salman Rushdie because of his novel "The Satanic Verses." 1989 The first satellite of the Global Positioning System was placed into orbit around Earth. 1989 Union Carbide agreed to pay $470 million to the government of India. The court-ordered settlement was a result of the 1984 Bhopal gas leak disaster. 1997 Astronauts on the space shuttle Discovery began a series of spacewalks that were required to overhaul the Hubble Space Telescope. 1998 U.S. authorities officially announced that Eric Rudolph was a suspect in a bombing of an abortion clinic in Alabama. 2002 Sylvester Stallone filed a lawsuit against Kenneth Starr. The suit alleged that Starr had given bad advice about selling Planet Hollywood stock. 2003 In Madrid, Spain, a ceramic plate with a bullfighting motif painted by Pablo Picasso in 1949 was stolen from an art show. The plate was on sale for $12,400. 2005 The video-sharing website YouTube was activated. 2019 Do smiled. |
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