Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, March 14 Today in 1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the Batista government of Cuba. Russia continued supplying the Communists. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Man arrested for exposing an infant to meth in Porterville ___________________________________________________ Americans are benevolently ignorant about Canada, while Canadians are malevolently well informed about the United States. --- J. Bartlett Brebner ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Today, March 14 in 1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the Batista government of Cuba. Russia continued supplying the Communists. ____________________________________________________ The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable. ___________________________________________________ Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf holds for men. Mary: TELL me about it! I went golfing with my ex one time, and he told me I asked too many questions! Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game. What questions did you ask? Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions..like, "Why did you hit the ball into that lake?" ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ The ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received a visit from one of her fellow church members. "How are you feeling?" the visitor asked. "Oh," said the lady, "I'm just worried sick!" "What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked. "You look like you're in good health. They are taking care of you, aren't they?" "Yes, they are taking very good care of me." "Are you in any pain?" she asked. "No, I have never had a pain in my life." "Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again. The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had has already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're all wondering where I went." ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Back in those days, it was required that in order for a student to receive credit for a particular course, a card (listing of his/her courses) had to be signed by the instructor/lecturer. It was, at the time, policy that students attend their courses. But depending on the size of the class, it was often quite possible to receive credit, even after not attending the class regularly. Not so, with this physics professor...if he didn't recognize you, you would have to repeat the course (& attend!). On one occasion, a student handed his card to be signed. The professor looked at the name, then at the student, and said, "I've never seen you in my class," and handed back the card. Now being a science student, he naturally thought quickly, and proceeded to the end of the line. When he was at the front again, he handed his card to the prof. The prof looked at the name, then at the student, and said, "You look familiar. OK," and signed the card. ____________________________________________________ As the high school teacher was correcting essays written by her students she read, "Pedro jumped on his burrow and rode off into the sunset." She wrote at the bottom of the page, "You obviously have problems with homonyms. A burrow is a hole in the ground. A burro is an ass. At your age it's time to learn the difference." ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Issac Tamez, 42, Porterville, California, USA Man arrested for exposing an infant to meth in Porterville A man is in jail, accused of exposing an infant to methamphetamine in Porterville. Police say 42-year-old Issac Tamez was smoking meth while babysitting the child last month at a home on Grand Avenue new Newcomb Street. The child suffered an overdose from exposure to the smoke and was rushed to the hospital. The child suffered an overdose from exposure to the smoke and was rushed to the hospital. Police say it took several days for the 5-month-old to recover. Tamaz was arrested on Friday and booked on numerous charges, including child endangerment. He's being held on a $110,000 bond. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: James Re: Uninstall Windows Dear Webby how do i uninstall their new version??it has messed up everything on my computer! tried the normal way to install it but it wont if theres a windows window open.Which has to be to use the control panel. Do i need to reset my whole laptop?I am running win10 on top of it lol James Dear James Unfortunately, once you have sold your soul, any remorse is too late. If your laptop originally was a W7, you can back up all the files, that you want to keep, like spreadsheets, documents, addresses, mail, paintings, pictures, etc., onto a removable USB hard drive or camera chips, double and triple check to make sure you got everything, then contact the maker of that machine and ask how to do a factory reset. That will nuke everything and put the machine back to the way it was, when it left the factory in China. Good Luck! Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________ >From Ellen A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner. Her husband teased her and said she would never be able to stay away from the other half until dinner the next night. The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would rub it in. Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out. She smiled. "He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ After listening restlessly to a long and tedious sermon, a 6 year old boy asked his father what the preacher did the rest of the week. "Oh, he's a very busy man," the father replied. "He takes care of church business, visits the sick, ministers to the poor...and then he has to have time to rest up. Talking in public isn't an easy job, you know." The boy thought about that, then said, "Well, listening ain't easy, either." ______________________________________________ At the candy store Judi had about 20 bags of candy. A smart-alek behind her in line told her: "You should push the air out of them. The candies might cost less if they don't have the weight of the air in them." So for a few minutes she let the air out of the bags. After she did that he told her it didn't really matter. It would have weighed the same. Judi was more confused than ever and said, "If having air in the bag doesn't weigh any more, then why does it make the bags look so fat?" ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A woman brought an old picture of her dead husband to the photographer. She asked the photographer if he could remove the hat from the picture. He convinced her he could easily do that, and asked her what side of his head he parted his hair on. "I forget," she said. "But you can see that for yourself when you take off his hat." ___________________________________________________ | Today, March 14, in 1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom to Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. 1629 A Royal charter was granted to the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 1647 During the Thirty Years War, France, Sweden, Bavaria and Cologne signed a Treaty of Neutrality. 1757 British Admiral John Byng was executed by a firing squad on board HMS Monarch for neglect of duty. 1794 Eli Whitney received a patent for his cotton gin. 1864 Samuel Baker discovered another source of the Nile in East Africa. He named it Lake Albert Nyanza. 1891 The submarine Monarch laid telephone cable along the bottom of the English Channel to prepare for the first telephone links across the Channel. 1900 U.S. currency went on the gold standard with the ratification of the Gold Standard Act. 1900 In Holland, Botanist Hugo de Vries REdiscovered Mendel's laws of heredity. 1901 Utah Governor Heber M. Wells vetoed a bill that would have relaxed restrictions on polygamy. 1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Hay-Herran Treaty that guaranteed the U.S. the right to build a canal at Panama. The Columbian Senate rejected the treaty. A deal was signed on November 6, 1903 with the newly independent Panama. 1904 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the governments claim that the Northern Securities Company was an illegal merger between the Great Northern and Northern Pacific Railway companies. 1905 French bankers refused to lend money to Russia until after their war. 1905 The British House of Commons cited a need to compete with Germany in naval strength. 1906 The island of Ustica was devastated by an earthquake. 1912 An anarchist named Antonio Dalba unsuccessfully attempted to kill Italy's King Victor Emmanuel III in Rome. 1914 Henry Ford announced the new continuous motion method to assemble cars. The process decreased the time to make a car from 12 hours to 93 minutes. 1915 The British Navy sank the German battleship Dresden off the Chilean coast. 1918 An all-Russian Congress of Soviets ratified a peace treaty with the Central Powers. 1932 George Eastman, the founder of the Kodak company, committed suicide. 1936 Adolf Hitler told a crowd of 300,000 that Germany's only judge is God and itself. 1939 Hungary occupied the Carpatho-Ukraine. Slovakia declared its independence. 1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first U.S. President to fly in an airplane while in office. 1945 In Germany, a 22,000 pound "Grand Slam" bomb was dropped by the Royal Air Force Dambuster Squad on the Beilefeld railway viaduct. It was the heaviest bomb used during World War II. 1947 The U.S. signed a 99-year lease on naval bases in the Philippines. 1947 Moscow announced that 890,532 German POWs were held in the U.S.S.R. 1951 U.N. forces recaptured Seoul for the second time during the Korean War. 1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the Batista government of Cuba. Russia continued supplying the Communists. 1964 A Dallas jury found Jack Ruby guilty of the murder of Lee Harvey Oswald. 1967 John F. Kennedy's body was moved from a temporary grave to a permanent one. 1976 Egypt formally abrogated the 1971 Treaty Friendship and Cooperation with the Soviet Union. 1978 An Israeli force of 22,000 invaded south Lebanon. The PLO bases were hit. 1979 The Census Bureau reported that 95% of all Americans were married or would get married. 1979 Near Peking, China, at least 200 people died when a Trident aircraft crashed into a factory. 1980 A Polish airliner crashed while making an emergency landing near Warsaw. 87 people were killed. A 14-man U.S. boxing team was aboard the plane. 1981 Three Pakistani airline hijackers surrendered in Syria after they had exchanged 100 passengers and crewmen for 54 Pakistani prisoners. 1983 OPEC agreed to cut its oil prices by 15% for the first time in its 23-year history. 1989 Imported assault guns were banned in the U.S. under President George H.W. Bush. 1991 The "Birmingham Six," imprisoned for 16 years for their alleged part in an IRA pub bombing, were set free after a court agreed that the police fabricated evidence. 1991 Bolivian interior minister Guillermo Capobianco resigned after U.S. officials accused him of receiving money from drug traffickers. 1995 American astronaut Norman Thagard became the first American to enter space aboard a Russian rocket. 1996 U.S. President Bill Clinton committed $100 million for an anti-terrorism pact with Israel to track down and root out Islamic militants. 1998 An earthquake left 10,000 homeless in southeastern Iran. 2002 A Scottish appeals court upheld the conviction of a Libyan intelligence agent for the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103. A five-judge court ruled unanimously that Abdel Basset Ali al-Megrahi was guilty of bringing down the plane over Lockerbie, Scotland. 2003 Robert Blake was released from jail on $1.5 million bail. Blake had been jailed for the murder of his wife Bonny Lee Bakley. 2022 Do smiled. |
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