| Good Morning, Do! Thank you Betty! Whenever it looks like all subscribers have died out, Betty comes through! Thanks, Betty! Thank you Kurt!! Today is Wednesday, May 3 ___________________________________________________ History: Today, May 3 ___________________________________ Bonehead Award: Man arrested after $ 3M worth of drugs shipped from Arizona to Maine restaurant _____________________________________________________ Q If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. --- Jay Leno (1950 - ) ______________________________________________________ Airline Announcements After a heavy landing the pilot announced, As you may already know, we have hit our destination. "Now ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to share some words with you all that my father shared with me on my eighteenth birthday: Pack your bags and get out." As the plane is taxiing to the gate the pilot announces, We are currently recruiting people to clean the aircraft. If you wish to volunteer then please stand before we have come to a stop. For those of you wondering about the weather at our destination, Honolulu is reporting sunny skies and temperatures of 86 degrees. Unfortunately, our destination is Nome Alaska which is reporting 27 degrees below zero and blowing snow. "Welcome to Orlando. The safest part of your journey is now over." We are now going to dim the lights for take off. If you are scared of the dark or that the Bogey Man will get you, dont worry, he only flies with American Airlines. Please notice that we are 10 minutes early. So the next time we are 2-3 hours late well just call it even. Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt, and if you dont know how to operate one, you probably shouldnt be out in public unsupervised. Position your seat belt tight, low and across your hips, like my grandmother wears her support bra. In reference to oxygen masks: Please help yourself before helping small children or politicians. "You love us, we love you, we are better than Jet Blue, with no surcharge and no bag fee, marry one of us and you'll fly free !." For those of you traveling with your children why? And for those of you that are traveling with two of your children, what in the world were you thinking? ______________________________________________________ Why is this little guy so darn cute!?!? ???? Mountain Bluebird (Millarville Area - May 1, 2020) santisoukp _____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________________ Irving was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and his wife, Sarah, was sitting at his bedside. His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You're beautiful." Flattered, Sarah continued her vigil while he drifted back to sleep. Later he woke up and said, "You're cute." "What happened to 'beautiful'?" Sarah asked. "The drugs are wearing off," he replied. ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________________ Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack's Last Will and Testament. "To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and 1 million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the Jaguar. To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000. And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my sun lamp." ____________________________________________________ Bernie had a fight with Rachel, his wife, and went to the movies to cool off. Later that evening, he decided to phone home to see what the situation was and maybe even apologize. "Hello, darling," he said, "what are you making for dinner?" "What am I making for dinner? After all the horrible things you said to me earlier, you want to know what I am making for dinner?? Poison, that's what I'm making, poison." Bernie replies, "Okay then, just make one portion, I'm not coming home until after the funeral." ___________________________________________________ >From Didi The restaurant where I took my two sons for a meal was crowded with fans watching a sporting event on television. The harried waitress took our order, but more than half an hour passed with no sign of her return. I was trying to keep my kids from becoming restless when suddenly shouts of victory came from the bar. "Hey," commented my 11-year-old, "it sounds as if someone just got his food." ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Bausell Sailor RE: Thermos coffee cup Dear Webby, don't waste money on those warmers - buy a thermal cup for a few dollars more. I brew tea in the morning at about 8:00 and if I leave the lid on it is still hot 5 or more hours latter. and the cup can keep it hot on road trips or working outside where that coffee warmer will not work. I bought a 120v warmer and it did not take me long to throw that waste of money away - Bausell sailor. Dear Sailor I use a Harley Davidson thermal mug and have for decades. Nowadays, a good thermal mug is more expensive than a cup warmer, but you are not depending on electricity to keep your coffee warm. Best are the ones, that are wide at the bottom and narrow at the top. Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ My forgetter's getting better, But my rememberer is broke To you that may seem funny But, to me, that is no joke For when I'm "here" I'm wondering If I really should be "there" And, when I try to think it through, I haven't got a prayer! Oft times I walk into a room, Say "what am I here for?" I wrack my brain, but all in vain! A zero, is my score. At times I put something away Where it is safe, but, Gee! The person it is safest from Is, generally, me! When shopping I may see someone, Say "Hi" and have a chat, Then, when the person walks away I ask myself, "who was that?" Yes, my forgetter's getting better While my rememberer is broke, And it's driving me plumb crazy And that isn't any joke. __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ A doctor told Mrs. Darcy to give her husband one pill a day and one drink of whiskey to improve his stamina. A month later, when Mrs. Darcy came in for another visit, the doctor asked, "How are we doing with the pill and the whiskey?" Mrs. Davis answered, "Well, he's a little behind with the pills, but he's about six months ahead with the whiskey." __________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD reported by Rock, has been earned by Jeremy Mercier, 41, Auburn, USA Man arrested after $3M worth of drugs shipped from Arizona to Maine restaurant Employees of a Maine restaurant got a surprise when they opened a large wooden crate that they thought was a shipment of mugs they had recently ordered. Instead, they found a plastic tote that contained what law enforcement suspect is 14 kilograms (31 pounds) of the powerful synthetic opioid fentanyl with an estimated street value of $3 million, Auburn police Deputy Chief Timothy Cougle said in a statement Saturday. The tote had a shipping label with the restaurants address but the name of someone who did not work there. Employees who opened it saw what they thought looked like drugs, so they contacted police, Cougle said. The crate from Arizona that arrived in the Maine town about 30 miles (50 kilometers) north of Portland was taken to the police department, where a chemical field examination confirmed it contained fentanyl. About an hour later, the man whose name was on the shipment showed up looking for the crate and was arrested, police said. Jeremy Mercier, 41, of Auburn, was charged with drug offenses and for violating bail conditions. He is being held in a county jail without bail. It could not be determined if he had an attorney. Mercier previously spent time behind bars on a 2007 federal drug conviction, Cougle said. The investigation is ongoing, and Cougle said he anticipates state and federal law enforcement getting involved. Mike Peters, the co-owner of Macs Grill, told WMTW-TV in an email that he is glad the drugs did not make it to the streets. Mercier was previously convicted for distributing cocaine in 2007. The street value of the fentanyl is $3 million. Police also seized $2,780 in cash. "The instances of overdose in our, and surrounding, communities is awful, and fentanyl seems to be front and center when it comes to fatalities," he said. "It is very sad. _____________________________________________________ Today, May 3 in 1568 - French forces in Florida slaughtered hundreds of Spanish. 1802 - Washington, DC, was incorporated as a city. 1855 - Macon B. Allen became the first African American to be admitted to the Bar in Massachusetts. 1859 - France declared war on Austria. 1888 - Thomas Edison organized the Edison Phonograph Works. 1916 - Irish nationalist Padraic Pearse and two others were executed by the British for their roles in the Easter Rising. 1921 - West Virginia imposed the first state sales tax. 1926 - The revival of Wilde's "The Importance of Being Earnest" opened in New York. 1926 - U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua and stayed until 1933. 1926 - In Britain, trade unions began a general strike. 1927 - Francis E.J. Wilde of Meadowmere Park, NY, patented the electric sign flasher. 1933 - The U.S. Mint was under the direction of a woman for the first time when Nellie Ross took the position. 1937 - Margaret Mitchell won a Pulitzer Prize for "Gone With The Wind." 1944 - Wartime rationing of most grades of meats ended in the U.S. 1944 - Dr. Robert Woodward and Dr. William Doering produced the first synthetic quinine at Harvard University. 1945 - Indian forces captured Rangoon, Burma, from the Japanese. 1947 - Japan's constitution went into effect in the aftermath of World War II. 1948 - The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that covenants prohibiting the sale of real estate to black people and other minorities were legally unenforceable. 1952 - The first airplane landed at the geographic North Pole. 1966 - The game "Twister" was featured on the "Tonight Show" with Johnny Carson. 1968 - After three days of battle, the U.S. Marines retook Dai Do complex in Vietnam. They found that the North Vietnamese had evacuated the area. 1971 - Anti-war protesters began four days of demonstrations in Washington, DC. 1971 - National Public Radio broadcast for the first time. 1971 - James Earl Ray, Martin Luther King's assassin, was caught in a jailbreak attempt. 1979 - Maraget Thatcher was choses to become Britain's first female prime minister. 1986 - In NASA's first post-Challenger launch, an unmanned Delta rocket lost power in its main engine shortly after liftoff. Safety officers destroyed it by remote control. 1987 - The Miami Herald reported that Donna Rice had been spending "Friday night and most of Saturday" at Democratic presidential candidate Gary Hart's Washington townhouse. The resulting controversy ended Hart's presidential bid. 1988 - The White House acknowledged that first lady Nancy Reagan had used astrological advice to help schedule her husband's activities. 1992 - Five days of rioting and looting ended in Los Angeles, CA. The riots, that killed 53 people, began after the acquittal of police officers in the beating of Rodney King. 1997 - The "Republic of Texas" surrendered to authorities ending an armed standoff where two people were held hostage. The group asserts the independence of Texas from the U.S. 1998 - "The Sevres Road," by 18-century landscape painter Camille Corot, stolen from the Louvre in France. 1999 - Mark Manes, at age 22, was arrested for supplying a gun to Eric Harris and Dylan Kleibold, who later killed 13 people at Columbine High School in Colorado. 1999 - Hasbro released the first collection of toys for the Star Wars movie "Episode I: The Phantom Menace." Today in Star Wars History 1999 - The Dow Jones Industrial Average closed above 11,000 for the first time. 2000 - The trial of two Libyans accused of killing 270 people in the bombing of Pan Am flight 103 (over Lockerbie) opened. 2006 - In Alexandria, VA, Al-Quaida conspirator Zacarias Moussaoui was given a sentence of life in prison for his role in the terrorist attack on the U.S. on September 11, 2001. 2011 - Derrick Rose (Chicago Bulls) became the youngest NBA MVP at the age of 22. 2016 - Donald Trump, then a political outsider, essentially clinched the Republican presidential nomination with a victory in Indiana. 2018 - In Detroit, a federal grand jury indicted former Volkwagen CEO Martin Winterkorn on charges related to the company's diesel emission cheating scandal. Winterkorn could not be extradited to the U.S. under Germany's constitution. 2023, Do smiled.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Go to TOP
Well, Do , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
Please give a friend a subscription to the Humor Letter
If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name,
or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me.
I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly
from then on.
If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't
have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me.
I will gladly enter them for you and send them a confirmation request.
To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to humor@webby.com
If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time,
then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription.
If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/sub.html
You can also UNsubscribe there.
If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter,
please unsubscribe by clicking the link below:
You are currently subscribed to the Regular HTML version with this address:
newsletter@newslettercollector.com
UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular HTMLversion Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter | . |
