Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, July 6 Barb, the lady who sends the daily bonus link, has been diagnosed with cancer. Start up your prayer wheels, please! _____________________________________________________ Today, July 6 1885 Louis Pasteur successfully tested his anti-rabies vaccine. The child used in the test later became the director of the Pasteur Institute. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Texas woman who licked ice cream and put it back has been identified and will be arrested soon. ! ! ! ! _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ The smaller the mind the greater the conceit. --- Aesop (620 BC - 560 BC) _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lynn for this story: Shortly after arriving at the University of Washington, I joined some new friends on a trip to nearby Vancouver, British Columbia. It was my first trip outside the United States. At the border, a Canadian customs officer asked how long we would stay in Canada. Knowing it would be after midnight when we returned, I asked, "How late will we be able to get back across the border?" "Any time, Ma'am," the officer said. "We never close the US.." ______________________________________________________` Noctilucent Clouds at our North Pole on June 12 These are extremely high-atmosphere clouds that continue to reflect light even once the sun is below the horizon for observers on the ground. "As Earth's lower atmosphere warms with spring and summer, the upper atmosphere grows cooler," NASA said in a statement. "In the process, ice crystals collect on meteor dust and other particles, creating electric blue wisps on the edge of space usually 80 to 85 kilometers (50 to 53 miles) in altitude. In the AIM map, noctilucent clouds appear in various shades of light blue to white, depending on the density of the ice particles." _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Bimbo Malfunction Lufkin, Texas Woman who licked ice cream and put it back has been identified and will be arrested soon. One does not simply lick ice cream and put it back in the grocery store freezer. Blue Bell Creameries reported to Police in Lufkin, Texas, that the bonehead's video identifies a Lufkin Walmart. Blue Bell has taken all similar tubs of ice cream out of that Walmart. Blue Bell says they're in hot pursuit of a cold-hearted ice cream tamperer who went viral last month with her antics in the Walmart freezer aisle. Blue Bell Creameries, police and Walmart are looking for her, and since she may have fled to Mexico, the CIA is now also inolved. If she ever comes back to Texas, a lot of people intend to show her that it is not a good idea to mess with Texas ice cream, especially in summer. If the cops arrest her first, she faces 20 years in jail. If not, she might get fed to some gators. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Thea Re: Visible alert Dear Webby know this isn't necessarily a web or computer question, but you seem to have an engineers compulsion to help and improve things. OK, now that I have buttered you up, here is my question. I have lost my hearing and can't hear my door bell. I live in a rental and can't go rewire things, and the cutesy little chime is down by the door. Is there some solution to those problems? Thea Dear Thea Go to https://www.x10.com/ Set an alarm clock! Most people get as carried away browsing there as you gramma did on the first Sears catalog. Look for a wireless doorbell there. Unlike the wimpy ones you see downtown, that produce a quiet whimper, the X10 talks to a transmitter that is plugged into an outlet. That puts a fuzz onto the electrical circuit much the same way that the Internet is put onto the phone line. X10 has been doing that since about 4 decades before the Internet. That fuzz can be detected on any outlet in your apartment, that is on the same breaker as the transceiver. An X10 outlet module plugged into any outlet will then power up. If you have an old radio plugged in and set to very loud, it will suddenly come on when somebody pushes the door bell. No meek little whimper! You can plug in a string of Christmas lights or a fan or an aquarium pump attached to a sprayer aimed to where the cat sleeps, or anything you want. They also have motion detectors, that work the same way. You can use the motion detector start up a video camera or a siren or a recording you made at the dog pound or at the zoo. The only limit is your imagination! Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A minister, a priest and a rabbi were discussing when life begins. "Those of my faith," said the minister, "believe that life starts when the heart begins to beat." "We take a different view," said the priest. "We believe life starts at the moment of conception." "Well," said the rabbi, "it is our belief that life starts when the kids move out and the dog dies." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on July 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Keep Spaghetti from Boiling Over Add a teaspoon of olive oil to your spaghetti water to prevent it from boiling over. Butter or another vegetable oil can be substituted for olive oil. A pat of butter also works well to prevent rice from boiling over. thriftyfun.Com ____________________________________________________ | | A Turkish couple arguing. |
___________________________________________________ HEAVY THINKING It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?" Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's. I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..." "I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!" "But honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!" "That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with a PBS station on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors...they didn't open. The library was closed! To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Dumb and Dumber." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed...easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. ___________________________________________________ My quiet Saturday morning ended abruptly when my 12-year-old son, Billy, and one of his friends burst through the door. "Hey Dad, announced Billy, "have you met the new neighbors?" "No." "Come on Dad, you have to meet them." "Some other time; I'm busy." "Dad, you have to meet them now." >From the urgency in Billy's voice, I assumed the neighbors were waiting outside. I set aside my project and went to the front of the house. No one was there. "Where are they?" I asked. "Well, Dad," he explained, "we haven't met them yet either, but our baseball is in their living room!" __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A husband reading a newspaper says to his wife, "You know, honey, I think there might be some real merit to what this article says, that the intelligence of a father often proves a stumbling block to the son." "Well, thank heaven," said the wife, "at least our James has nothing standing in his way." ___________________________________________________ | Today, July 6 in 1483 King Richard III of England was crowned. 1699 Captain William Kidd, the pirate, was captured in Boston, MA, and deported back to England. 1777 British forces captured Fort Ticonderoga during the American Revolution. 1854 In Jackson, MI, the Republican Party held its first convention. 1858 Lyman Blake patented the shoe manufacturing machine. 1885 Louis Pasteur successfully tested his anti-rabies vaccine. The child used in the test later became the director of the Pasteur Institute. 1905 Fingerprints were exchanged for the first time between officials in Europe and the U.S. The person in question was John Walker. 1917 During World War I, Arab forces led by T.E. Lawrence captured the port of Aqaba from the Turks. 1919 A British dirigible landed in New York at Roosevelt Field. It completed the first crossing of the Atlantic Ocean by an airship. 1923 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics was established. 1928 "The Lights of New York" was previewed in New York's Strand Theatre. It was the first all-talking movie. 1942 Diarist Anne Frank and her family took refuge from the Nazis in Amsterdam. 1945 U.S. President Truman signed an order creating the Medal of Freedom. 1945 Nicaragua became the first nation to formally accept the United Nations Charter. 1947 "Candid Microphone" began airing on ABC radio. 1966 Malawi became a republic within the Commonwealth with Dr. Hastings Banda as its first president. 1967 The Biafran War erupted. The war lasted two-and-a-half years. About 600,000 people died. 1981 Former President of Argentina Isabel Peron was freed after five years of house arrest by a federal court. 1981 The Dupont Company announced an agreement to purchase Conoco, Inc. (Continental Oil Co.) for $7 billion. At the time it was the largest merger in corporate history. 1983 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that retirement plans could not pay women smaller monthly payments solely because of their gender. 1985 The submarine Nautilus arrived in Groton, Connecticut. The vessel had been towed from Mare Island Naval Shipyard. 1988 Several popular beaches were closed in New York City due to medical waste and other debris began washing up on the seashores. 1989 The U.S. Army destroyed its last Pershing 1-A missiles at an ammunition plant in Karnack, TX. The dismantling was under the terms of the 1987 Intermediate-range Nuclear Forces Treaty. 1997 The Mars Pathfinder released Sojourner, a robot rover on the surface of Mars. The spacecraft landed on the red planet on July 4th. 1997 In Cambodia, Second Prime Minister Hun Sen ousted First Prime Minister Norodom Ranariddh and claimed to have the capital under his control. 1998 Protestants rioted in many parts of Northern Ireland after British authorities blocked an Orange Order march in Portadown. 2000 A jury awarded former NHL player Tony Twist $24 million for the unauthorized use of his name in the comic book Spawn and the HBO cartoon series. Co-defendant HBO settled with Twist out of court for an undisclosed amount. 2019 Do smiled. |
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