Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, October 11 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Woman Under Influence With Child In Car ___________________________________________________ Today, October 11 in 1939 - U.S. President Roosevelt was presented with a letter from Albert Einstein that urged him to develop the U.S. atomic program rapidly. ____________________________________________________ A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) I just need enough to tide me over until I need more. --- Bill Hoest The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces. --- Maureen Murphy "Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence." --- Vince Lombardi ____________________________________________________ Brenda's 6 year old was explaining to the other kids what "extinct" meant: "Well," she said in all seriousness, "it means that the dinosaurs are all dead and have been dead so long they don't stink anymore, that's why they call them exstinkt." ____________________________________________________ The crumbling, old church building needed re- modeling, so the preacher made an impassioned appeal, looking directly at the richest may in town. At the end of the message, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1,000." Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood again and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000." As he sat back down, somebody a few rows behind him lightly tossed a bit of plaster that had fallen there, onto him. The rich guy virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge." As he sat down, somebody tossed an even larger chunk of plaster onto him. He jumped up once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!" This prompted a deacon, who had not seen the pranksters, to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again! We'll get a new church yet!" ____________________________________________________ Snow Geese assembling a convoy prior to migrating to Florida ____________________________________________________ A fifth grader looks sad, so her teacher asks, "What's the problem? I hope it's not homework again." "Well, uh, yes it is," the little girl says. "I accidentally made my homework paper into a paper airplane." "That wasn't a very bright thing to do," says the teacher, "but just this once, I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in." "Oh, but that won't work," the girl says, looking even sadder. "You see, the plane was hijacked, and Little Johnny already handed it in as his." ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Maria Otera-Atria, Boca Raton, Fkoeida, USA Woman Under Influence With Child In Car A Boca Raton woman was allegedly driving under the influence with a child under age 18 in her car. The Palm Beach County Sheriffs Office says Maria Otero- Atria was stopped in the area of 6072 West Palmetto Park Road early Friday morning when she was stopped by PBSO Deputies. While the affidavit of probable cause is still being processed, a ticket reviewed by BocaNewsNow.com reveals that she was driving with a passenger under age 18 in her car. The Palm Beach County Sheriffs Office says Maria Otero- Atria was stopped in the area of 6072 West Palmetto Park Road early Friday morning when she was stopped by PBSO Deputies. While the affidavit of probable cause is still being processed, a ticket reviewed by BocaNewsNow.com reveals that she was driving with a passenger under age 18 in her car. Otero-Atria allegedly refused to sign or accept the citation after she allegedly provided breath sample revealed a blood alcohol content over .15. The legal limit in Florida is .08. Maria Otero-Atria was booked into the Palm Beach County Jail and later released on her own recognizance. A court date is pending. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Lisa Re: W7, W10,W11 Dear Webby, Like you, I am using a W7 furbie, because I don't have the patience for W10. W7 does everything I need. What is the story about W11? Lisa Dear Lisa Panic slowly. Since W7 does everything YOUYOU need, you won't need W11. Some companies like Adobe put blockers into their programs to block you, if you don't have W10. However, there supposedly are fixes to get aound that.The program does not need W10, just the payment verification blocks you. If you tell them to cancel the monthly charges contract, then they will reluctantly tell you how to get around the block. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws. ______________________________________________ ====From Darlene Dear Webby, sorry to bother you with another repeat request. But could you please repeat that Hillbilly Medical Dictionary that you had two or three years ago ? Thanks Darlene Sure, Darlene. here it is: "REDNECK GUIDE TO MEDICAL TERMS " BENIGN--------What you be after you be eight ARTERY--------The study of paintings BACTERIA--------Back door to the cafeteria BARIUM--------What doctors do when patients die CESAREAN SECTION--A neighborhood in Rome CAT-SCAN-------- Searching for kitty CAUTERIZE--------Made eye contact with her COLIC--------A sheep dog COMA--------Punctuation mark D&C--------Where Washington is DILATE--------To live long ENEMA--------Not a friend FESTER--------Quicker than someone else FIBULA--------A small lie GENITAL--------Non-Jewish person G.I. SERIES--------World Series of military baseball HANGNAIL----------What you hang your coat on IMPOTENT--------Distinguished or well-known LABOR PAIN--------Getting hurt at work MEDICAL STAFF--------Doctors' cane MORBID--------A higher offer than I bid NITRATES--------Cheaper than day rates NODE--------I knew it OUTPATIENT--------A person who has fainted PAP SMEAR--------A fatherhood test PELVIS--------Second cousin to Elvis POST OPERATIVE--------A letter carrier RECOVERY ROOM--------Place to do upholstery RECTUM---------Damn near killed him SECRETION--------Hiding something SEIZURE----------Roman emperor TABLET--------A small table TERMINAL ILLNESS--------Getting sick at the airport TUMOR--------More than one URINE--------Opposite of you're out VARICOSE----------Near or close by ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A large two-engine train was crossing the country. After they had gone some distance, one of the engines broke down. "No problem," the engineer thought and carried on at half power. Farther on down the line, the other engine broke down and the train came to a standstill. The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement, "Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that you're not in an airplane." ___________________________________________________ | Today, October 11, in 1776 - During the American Revolution the first naval battle of Lake Champlain was fought. The forces under Gen. Benedict Arnold suffered heavy losses. 1811 - The Juliana, the first steam-powered ferryboat, was put into operation by the inventor John Stevens. The ferry went between New York City, NY, and Hoboken, NJ. 1869 - Thomas Edison filed for a patent on his first invention. The electric machine was used for counting votes for the U.S. Congress, however the Congress did not buy it. 1881 - David Henderson Houston patented the first roll film for cameras. 1890 - The Daughters of the American Revolution was founded in Washington, DC. 1899 - The Boer War began in South Africa between the British and the Boers of the Transvaal and Orange Free State. 1929 - JCPenney opened a store in Milford, DE, making it a nationwide company with stores in all 48 states. 1932 - In New York, the first telecast of a political campaign was aired. 1936 - The radio show, "Professor Quiz", aired for the first time. 1939 - U.S. President Roosevelt was presented with a letter from Albert Einstein that urged him to develop the U.S. atomic program rapidly. 1942 - The Battle of Cape Esperance, during World War II, began in the Solomons. 1958 - Pioneer 1, a lunar probe, was launched by the U.S. The probe did not reach its destination and fell back to Earth and burned up in the atmosphere. 1968 - Apollo 7 was launched by the U.S. The first manned Apollo mission was the first in which live television broadcasts were received from orbit. Wally Schirra, Don Fulton Eisele and R. Walter Cunningham were the astronauts aboard. 1983 - The last hand-cranked telephones in the U.S. went out of service. The 440 telephone customers of Bryant Pond, ME, were switched to direct-dial service. 1984 - American Kathryn D. Sullivan became the first female astronaut to space walk. She was aboard the space shuttle Challenger. 1984 - Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins) made his debut in the National Hockey League (NHL) against the Boston Bruins. He scored a goal on his first shot on his first NHL shift. 1994 - U.S. troops in Haiti took control of the National Palace. 1994 - Iraqi troops began moving away from the Kuwaiti border. 1994 - The Colorado Supreme Court declared that the anti- gay rights measure in the state was unconstitutional. 2021 Do smiled. |
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