Good Morning, Do, Today is Wednesday, April 19 Have FUN! DerWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida waiter arrested for stealing $3,000 diamond ring Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 19 in 1587 English admiral Sir Francis Drake entered Cadiz harbor and sank the Spanish fleet. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ The past is not dead. In fact, it's not even past. --- William Faulkner (1897 - 1962) Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. --- Euripides ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "Well," snarled the tough old sergeant to the bewildered private. I suppose after you get discharged from the Army, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave." "Not me, Sarge!" the private replied. "Once I get out of the Army, I'm never going to stand in line again!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A survey on sexual habits was being carried out by a popular newspaper and one questioner stopped an elderly Italian gentleman in the street who was wearing a black suit and asked him how often he had sexual intercourse. "Oh, about half a dozen times a year", said the gentleman. The questioner smiled. "I thought you Italians were supposed to be more active than that!" she said. "We are," said the gentleman. "But, I don't think half a dozen times a year is so bad for a seventy-two year old priest with no car." ______________________________________________________ inbred pigeon ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, height="26" border="0"> Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Wesley Aaron Dicus, 27, Pensacola, Floriduh Florida waiter arrested for stealing $3,000 diamond ring A Florida waiter is accused of stealing a $3,000 diamond ring that fell off a customer's finger. Pensacola police tell news outlets that 27-year-old Wesley Aaron Dicus was arrested Tuesday on charges of grand theft and dealing in stolen property. The Pensacola News Journal reports a 39-year-old woman told police she believed the ring slipped off when she put lotion on her hands. The ring was later identified on an online app called OfferUp. Police say detectives posing as a couple met with Dicus and he offered to sell it to them for $2,000. Police arrested him when the markings on the ring matched the woman's description. Dicus remains in jail on a $12,500 bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Doris Re: Wacky punctuation marks on web pages Dear Webby Dear Webby: Lately I have seen more and more web pages that have question marks and wacky symbols where one would expect a quote or double-quote mark or some other punctuation mark. I have also seen it in some of the blander blogs. I won't visit those again anyway, because of their lack of interesting content, but I am wondering if that is just sloppiness or some new trend. I have even seen it in some articles on anti-government on-line "papers" like CNN and NY-Times-online. What's the story behind that? Doris Dear Doris It's just sloppiness by people who don't know HTML, and who just quickly slobber their stuff into MS WORD and then save it as HTML. What is a real nuisance is that sometimes it looks OK, but sometimes it doesn't. You may have noticed in the Bonehead Awards, paragraphs that I copied form certain online newspapers, also have that problem. Usually I catch the stuff, but sometimes I don't notice the curly quotes and similar gibberish from yuppies pretending to be literate. Sorry about that! Have FUN! DearWebby A man was suffering from a stomach ache, so he told his wife who suggested he try the tablets the Doctor had given her for a similar pain. After taking his wife's tablets for a week, the pain disappeared but he developed two rather tender lumps, one behind each ear. He went to his doctor, showed him the lumps, and explained what had happened. Whereby the Doctor called him all the fools under the sun, saying, "You bloody idiot! I was treating your wife for a fallen womb, God knows how I'm going to get your balls back down!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Packed Lunches All four of my kids take packed lunches. To save money on the snacks that go in, I buy big bags of chips, cheeses, whatever, and bargain sandwich bags, then pack the snacks in them. Saves a lot over buying the individual snack packs that are made to fit into the lunches. I make my own peanut butter crackers too, with saltines or Ritz-type. It takes a few minutes extra in the morning, but it does save money. Marjorie | | The strange case of twins |
____________________________________________________ A solicitor for a charity made an appointment with the mayor to plead for a contribution. The man listened to her appeal in stony silence. Finally, she said, "Did you know, sir, that the equivalent of a dollar will feed a child in India for one month?" Still, there's no response, and the solicitor leaves. The next day, the mayor senr his three children to India. ___________________________________________________ | | This street art is a little different. |
At one point during the little league game, the coach said to his young son, who was playing in the game, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded yes. "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you are out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire and call him nasty names. Do you understand all that?" Again, the little boy nodded yes. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain it to your mother." Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, on April 19 1012 Aelfheah was murdered by Danes who had been ravaging the south of England. Aelfhear became the 29th Archbishop of Canterbury in 1005. 1539 Emperor Charles V reached a truce with German Protestants at Frankfurt, Germany. 1587 English admiral Sir Francis Drake entered Cadiz harbor and sank the Spanish fleet. 1689 Residents of Boston ousted their governor, Edmond Andros. 1713 Holy Roman Emperor Charles VI issued the Pragmatic Sanction, which gave women the rights of succession to Hapsburg possessions. 1764 The English Parliament banned the American colonies from printing paper money. 1770 Captain James Cook discovered New South Wales, Australia. Cook originally named the land Point Hicks. 1775 The American Revolution began as fighting broke out at Lexington, MA. 1782 The Netherlands recognized the new United States. 1794 Tadeusz Kosciuszko forced the Russians out of Warsaw. 1802 The Spanish reopened the New Orleans port to American merchants. 1839 The Kingdom of Belgium was recognized by all the states of Europe when the Treaty of London was signed. 1861 Thaddeus S. C. Lowe sailed 900 miles in nine hours in a hot air balloon from Cincinnati, OH, to Unionville, SC. 1861 The Baltimore riots resulted in four Union soldiers and nine civilians killed. 1861 U.S. President Lincoln ordered a blockade of Confederate ports. 1892 The Duryea gasoline buggy was introduced in the U.S. by Charles and Frank Duryea. 1897 The first annual Boston Marathon was held. It was the first of its type in the U.S. 1927 In China, Hankow communists declared war on Chaing Kai- shek. 1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt issued a proclamation that removed the U.S. from the gold standard. 1938 General Francisco Franco declared victory over the Communists in the Spanish Civil War. 1939 Connecticut approved the Bill of Rights for the U.S. Constitution after 148 years. 1943 The Warsaw Ghetto uprising against Nazi rule began. The Jews were able to fight off the Germans for 28 days. 1951 General Douglas MacArthur gave his "Old Soldiers" speech before the U.S. Congress after being relieved by U.S. President Truman. In the address General MacArthur said that "Old soldiers never die, they just fade away." 1951 Shigeki Tanaka won the Boston Marathon. Tanaka had survived the atomic blast at Hiroshima, Japan during World War II. 1956 Actress Grace Kelly became Princess Grace of Monaco when she married Prince Rainier III of Monaco. The civil ceremony took place on April 18. 1960 Baseball uniforms began displaying player's names on their backs. 1967 Surveyor 3 landed on the moon and began sending photos back to the U.S. 1971 Russia launched the Salyut into orbit around Earth. It was the first space station. 1975 India launched its first satellite with aid from the USSR. 1981 In Davao, Philippines, thirteen people were killed when members of the New People's Army threw hand grenades into the Roman Catholic cathedral during Easter services. 1982 The U.S. announced a ban on U.S. tourist and business traval to Cuba. The U.S. charged the Cuban government with subversion in Central America. 1987 In Phoenix, AZ, skydiver Gregory Robertson went into a 200-mph free-fall to save an unconscious colleague 3,500 feet from the ground. 1987 The last California condor known to be in the wild was captured and placed in a breeding program at the San Diego Wild Animal Park. 1989 A gun turret exploded aboard the USS Iowa. 47 sailors were killed. 1989 In El Salvador, Attorney General Alvadora was killed by a car bomb. 1993 The Branch-Davidians compound in Waco, TX, burned to the ground. It was the end of a 51-day standoff between the cult and U.S. federal agents. 86 people were killed including 17 children. Nine of the Branch Davidians escaped the fire. 1994 A Los Angeles jury awarded $3.8 million to Rodney King for violation of his civil rights. 1995 The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, OK, was destroyed by a bomb. It was the worst bombing on U.S. territory. 168 people were killed including 19 children, and 500 were injured. Timothy McVeigh was found guilty of the bombing on June 2, 1997. 1998 Wang Dan, a leader of 1989 Tienanmen Square pro democracy protests, was freed by the Chinese government. 2000 In the Philippines, Air Philippines GAP 541 crashed while preparing to land. 131 people were killed. 2002 The USS Cole was relaunched. In Yemen, 17 sailors were killed when the ship was attacked by terrorists on October 12, 2000. The attack was blamed on Osama bin Laden's al- Qaida network. 2017 Do smiled. |
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