Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, September 9 >From Merv re Brasilian gang leader used silicon mask to pretend to be daughter in escape bid Hi Webby, This man has since committed suicide. Just saying. Kind regards, Merv. I wonder if anybody believes him more than Epstein. Well, he won't escape again. _____________________________________________________ Today, September 9 in  1994 The U.S. agreed to accept about 20,000 Cuban immigrants a year. This was in return for Cuba's promise to halt the flight of refugees. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: Thousands to attend mass BBQ Saturday October 19 3 PM outside home of vegan who SUED her neighbours for cooking meat  _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  _______________________________________________ You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there. --- George Burns (1896 - 1996) A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions. --- Wilson Mizner _______________________________________________ "We live in a great country," the kindergarten teacher said. "One of the reasons we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free." One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said . . . "I'm not free. I'm four!" ________________________________________________`   Yellow Warblers _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________    An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Cilla Carden, 18 C Rochford Way, Perth Australia  Thousands to attend mass BBQ Saturday October 19 3 PM outside home of vegan who SUED her neighbours for cooking meat  EARLIER this week, news broke of a vegan woman taking her neighbours to court because they were using their barbecue and the smells were causing her "undue offence". Cilla Carden, from Perth in Australia had claimed that she couldn't enjoy her garden anymore because the smell of cooked meat was wafting in from over the fence, and took her case to the Australian Supreme Court. Not satisfied with simply seeking legal action - which was ultimately rejected by a tribunal - Ms Carden appeared on local television to air her grievances with her neighbours, who she claims have had a "devastating" influence on her life. As expected, there's been something of an online backlash against this litigating vegan, and now a massive barbecue outside her home has been planned in retaliation. On Facebook, a page titled 'Community BBQ for Cilla Carden' has been created, urging people to come and have a cookout right on her doorstep to keep the "good old Aussie tradition" of barbecuing alive. Already, 9,500 people have said they will be attending the event. "Cilla Carden has a problem with her neighbours cooking meat on their BBQ, becuase she's a vegan. Recently taking them to the Supreme Court!" Reads the event description. "Don't let Cilla destroy a good old Aussie tradition, join us for a community BBQ, and help Cilla Carden GET SOME PORK ON HER FORK. "BYO hotdog buns, p.s. NO VEGANS" The mass barbecue is scheduled for Saturday, October 19, and allegedly, Carden has been in touch with her lawyers regarding the event. 
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Jim Re: Receiving newsletters in weird format  Dear Webby, I am getting dear webby in this format. Tell me how to change it to the regular format. Thanks Jim  Dear Jim Chat the Earthlink support and get them to walk you through the required steps to make it look EXACTLY like what you see at http://webby.com/humor Use their live chat, not the support phone. Their support is in India or Pakistan, and they can type English MUCH better than they can speak it. When it looks EXACTLY the same, then your settings are right again. Have FUN! DearWebby 
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 In the good old days.... Back in the 1970s we didn't have the space shuttle buzzing around within rifle range of the mountains to get all excited about. We had to settle for men walking on the crummy old moon. In my day, we didn't have virtual reality. If a one-eyed, razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an axe, you just had to hope your axe was better than his. In my day you couldn't take basket weaving or acting instead of math. And that was before they invented calculators! If you couldn't calculate the trajectory of an intercontinental missile, well, then you just repeated Grade 6 until you could. In my day, we didn't have school buses. We had to hitch a ride on a dinosaur or wooly mammoth, or walk to school 10 Miles, and it was all uphill. Both ways! And all we had for traction in winter was barb wire wrapped around our bare feet. We didn't have Internet. All we had for arranging dates were smoke signals from the garbage burning barrel, and for long chats we had to go steal the neighbor's garbage! 
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 During our church service one Sunday, a parishioner was speaking about an emotionally charged topic and had trouble controlling her tears. Finishing her remarks, she told the congregation, "I apologize for crying so much. I'm usually not such a big boob." Father Markus rose to close the session and remarked, "That's quite okay. We all like big boobs." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com font color="#009990"> Firewood Tips: Storing Firewood Try not to store wood for more than a year once it's dried. This isn't a hard and fast rule. You can store dry wood for more than a year but at some point it will start to rot and collect tons of insects. Make sure to use your oldest wood first. thriftyfun.Com If wood is peeled and kept dry and off the ground, many types of wood will last many centuries. Have FUN! DearWebby  ____________________________________________________  
  
 
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 ___________________________________________________ >From Amy One morning while a locksmith had come to change the locks in my house, I realized I had to run a few errands. I turned to him, a sweet older man, and said I was heading out. As I got to the front door, I noticed my sad-faced dog staring at me from the living room. "I love you, sweet boy," I said. "Now you be good. Okay?" >From the other room I heard a voice answer, "Okay." ___________________________________________________ >From Marilyn K Clutching their Kohl's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully gazed at a dead cat in the mall parking lot. Obviously a recent hit since there were no flies or no smell. What business could that poor kitty have had here?' murmured Ellen. 'Come on, Ellen, let's just go' Kay said. However, Ellen grabbed her shopping bag and explained, 'I'll just put my things in your bag, an d then I'll use this tissue paper to cover it in my own Kohl's bag. They continued the short trek to their car in silence, and stashed the bag in the trunk. But it occurred to them that if they left the burial bag in the trunk while they ate, Kay's car would soon lose its new-car smell. They took the bag out of the trunk, and left it on top of the trunk, and then headed to the K & W Cafeteria. After going through the serving line, they sat at a window table to have a view of Kay's Chevy with the Kohl's bag still on the trunk. As they ate, they noticed a woman in a red gingham skirt stroll by their car. She looked quickly this way and that, and took the Kohl's bag without breaking stride and quickly walked out of their line of vision. Kay and Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed look of amazement. It all happened so fast that neither of them could think how to respond. 'Can you imagine that?' finally sputtered Ellen. 'The nerve of that woman!' Kay sympathized with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was building as she thought about the grand surprise awaiting the female thief. Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she noticed Ellen's eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line. Following her gaze, Kay recognized the woman in the red gingham skirt with the Kohl's bag hanging from her arm brazenly pushing her tray toward the cashier. Helplessly the young women watched the woman settle at a table across from theirs, and put the bag on an empty chair. After a few bites of baked whitefish and green beans, she casually lifted the bag to her lap to survey her treasure. She pulled out the tissue paper and peered into the bag. Her eyes widened, an d she began to make a sort of gasping noise. The bag slid from her lap as she sank to the floor, wheezing and clutching her upper chest. A server quickly recognized a customer was in trouble, and called for someone to call 911 while she administered the Heimlich maneuver. A crowd quickly gathered that did not include Ellen and Kay, who were riveted to their chairs for seven whole minutes until the ambulance arrived. In a matter of minutes, the woman with the red gingham skirt emerged from the crowd, still gasping, and securely strapped on a gurney. Two EMS volunteers steered her to the waiting ambulance, while a third scooped up her belongings. The last they saw of the cat-burglar was as she disappeared behind the ambulance doors with the Kohl's Bag perched on her stomach!! God does take care of those who do bad things! (AND once in awhile He allows us to witness it. ___________________________________________________ >From Glenda Heading off to college at the age of 40, I was a bit self- conscious about my advancing years. One morning I complained to my husband that I was the oldest student in my class. "Even the professor is younger than I am," I said. "Yeah," he said optimistically, "but look at it from my point of view. At my age I never thought I would be fooling around with a college girl again!" __________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, September 9 in 490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. The marathon race was derived from the events that occurred surrounding this battle. 1776 The second Continental Congress officially made the term "United States", replacing the previous term "United Colonies." 1836 Abraham Lincoln received his license to practice law. 1850 California became the 31st state to join the union. 1898 In Omaha, NE, Tommy Fleming of Eau Claire, WI won the first logrolling championship. 1904 Mounted police were used for the first time in the City of New York. 1911 Italy declared war on the Ottoman Turks and annexed Libya, Tripolitania, and Cyrenaica in North Africa. 1919 The majority of Boston's police force went on strike. The force was made up of 1,500 men. 1919 Alexander Graham Bell and Casey Baldwin's HD-4, a hydrofoil craft, set a world marine speed record. 1926 The National Broadcasting Company (NBC) was created by the Radio Corporation of America (RCA). 1942 Japan dropped incendiaries over NE in an attempt to set fire to the forests in Oregon and Washington. The forest did not ignite. 1943 During World War II Allied forces landed at Taranto and Salerno. 1948 North Korea became the People's Democratic Republic of Korea. 1957 The first civil rights bill to pass Congress since Reconstruction was signed into law by U.S. President Eisenhower. 1965 French President Charles de Gaulle announced that France was withdrawing from NATO to protest the domination of the U.S. in the organization. 1981 Nicaragua declared a state of economic emergency and banned strikes. 1983 The Soviet Union announced that the Korean jetliner that was shot down on September 1, 1983 was not an accident or an error. 1986 Frank Reed was taken hostage in Lebanon by pro-Iranian kidnappers. The director of a private school in Lebanon was released 44 months later. 1986 Ted Turner presented the first of his colorized films on WTBS in Atlanta, GA. 1986 Gennadiy Zakharov was indicted by a New York jury on espionage charges. Zakharov was a Soviet United Nations employee. 1993 Israeli and PLO leaders agreed to recognize each other. 1994 The U.S. agreed to accept about 20,000 Cuban immigrants a year. This was in return for Cuba's promise to halt the flight of refugees. 1994 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off on an 11-day mission. 1997 Sinn Fein, the IRA's political ally, formally renounced violence as it took its place in talks on Northern Ireland's future. 1998 Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr delivered to the U.S. Congress 36 boxes of material concerning his investigation of U.S. President Clinton. 1998 Four tourists who had paid $32,500 each were taken in submarine to view the wreckage of the Titanic. The ship is 2 miles below the Atlantic off Newfoundland. 1999 The Sega Dreamcast game system went on sale. By 1:00pm all Toys R Us locations in the U.S. had sold out. 2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 100 million applications downloaded. 2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.8 billion applications downloaded. 2019 Do smiled.