Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, June 6 ___________________________________________________ Today, June 6 in 1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches of Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied American, British and Canadian troops were involved. ______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: Rapper Busted For Appeal To Shoot, Kill Cops ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
_____________________________________________________ Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest. --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) _____________________________________________________ Every time the man next door headed toward Robinson's house, Robinson knew he was coming to borrow something. "He won't get away with it this time," muttered Robinson to his wife. "Watch this." "Er, I wonder if you'd be using your power-saw this morning," the neighbor began. "Gee, I'm awfully sorry," said Robinson with a smug look, "but the fact of the matter is, I'll be using it all day." "In that case," said the neighbor, "you won't be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?" __________________________________________ __________________________________________ Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out, "Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are having SEX." Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know THAT?!" the startled father asked. "Their kid is standing out on the balcony, too," the son replied. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cale Groff, 20, St. Petersburg, Floriduh Rapper Busted For Appeal To Shoot, Kill Cops A wanna-be rapper is facing a felony charge after allegedly posting a video to Instagram advocating for the murder of police and the vandalism of a Florida mall, according to an arrest affidavit. In a clip posted this week to his Instagram page, Cale Groff, 20, delivered an inflammatory message to his 7200 followers. If you see a police, stop and shoot him, kill him. Throw a brick at his head or whatevers in your hand, Groff declared. "If you see any police, kill them. Fuck all the police, we gonna kill them how they killed George. Groffs video--which has been deleted from his Instagram page along with every other post--was uploaded in the wake of last weeks death of George Floyd while in police custody in Minneapolis, Minnesota. In addition to calling for violence against cops, Groff (seen above) also suggested that his followers gather at a St. Petersburg mall to throw a square shaped brick through the windows according to the affidavit. Groff was arrested early yesterday and charged with making threatening communications or threats of mass shooting. He was released from jail Tuesday afternoon upon posting a $20,000 bond. Groff was convicted in 2018 of marijuana possession. Recording under the name Ace $wift, Groff maintains a SoundCloud page with 25 tracks, including the cuts FUCK IT, GET LIT, and Still Scamming. Groffs 308 followers are treated to his expositions on familiar rap topics like drugs, guns, committing crimes, and excursions to the club. Each of Groffs compositions is accompanied by a makeshift album cover, several of which show him brandishing a gun, holding a fan of cash, or simply displaying a middle finger. DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Trevor Re: Hotkeys Dear Webby, Love your daily emails, chuckles and wisdom. Today the topic was "Reduce amount of mail stored in Gmail" Part of the instruction was "Set up hotkeys." As an electronically and chronologically disadvantaged senior, I am unfamiliar with "hotkeys" could you please explain? Thanks, Trevor Dear Trevor A hot key is a key combination, that calls a program sequence. You are probably familiar with "CTRL S" to save a document or picture. In Gmail you can set up additional hot keys. On your keyboard's top row, not the one with ESC, on the left side you see ` 1 Those are not used yet in Gmail, so you can use them and assign new duties to them. You can pull down different duties, when you go into the settings. On your computer, go to Gmail. At the top right, click Settings Settings and then Settings. At the top, second line, click Keyboard Shortcuts. Next to the action, type the keyboard key to make a new shortcut. Type 1 and pull down "SELECT ALL" Easy! Then type ` and pull down DELETE SELECTED. Now you know how to set up Hot Keys. Some are already selected. Those you can use as they are, or if they are for a function, that you never use, then you can re-assign them to do something else. I have no idea which ones are original, because since 2004 I have set up many hot keys myself. Just go in there and goof around. Have FUN! DearWebby
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____________________________________________________ | | Lawnmower DUI Helicopter Chase |
_____________________________________________ Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple of minutes, an old man appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly. The passenger screamed, "Look at the window. There's an old ghost's face there!" The driver sped up, but the old man's face stayed in the window. The passenger rolled his window down part way and, scared out of his wits, said, "What do you want?" The old man softly replied, "You got any tobacco?" The passenger handed the old man a cigarette and yelled, "Step on it," to the driver, rolling up the window in terror. A few minutes later they calmed down and started laughing again. The driver said, "I don't know what happened, but don't worry; the speedometer says we're doing 80 now." All of a sudden there was a light tapping on the window and the old man reappeared. "There he is again," the passenger yelled. He rolled down the window and shakily said, "Yes?" "Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asked. The passenger threw a lighter out the window saying, "Step on it!" They were doing about 100 miles an hour, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden there came some more tapping. "Oh my God! He's back!" The passenger rolled down the window and screamed in stark terror, "WHAT NOW?" The old man gently replied, "You want some help getting out of the mud before the cops get here?" _____________________________________________ I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: too many deer were being hit by cars and she didn't want them to cross there anymore. _____________________________________________ >From Linda I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" She smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask." When my daughter quipped: "Maybe they put the moose in yours instead of mine?" the whole line burst out laughing. ____________________________________________ The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with a coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?" | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today June 6 in 1674 Sivaji crowned himself King of India. 1813 The U.S. invasion of Canada was halted at Stony Creek, Ontario. 1833 Andrew Jackson became the first U.S. president to ride in a train. It was a B&O passenger train. 1844 The Young Men's Christian Association was founded in London. 1882 The first electric iron was patented by H.W. Seely. 1924 The German Reichtag accepted the Dawes Plan. It was an American plan to help Germany pay off its war debts. 1925 Chrysler Corporation was founded by Walter Percy Chrysler. 1932 In the U.S., the first federal tax on gasoline went into effect. It was a penny per gallon. 1933 In Camden, NJ, the first drive-in movie theater opened. 1936 The first helicopter was tested in a building in Berlin, Germany. 1941 The U.S. government authorized the seizure of foreign ships in U.S. ports. 1942 The first nylon parachute jump was made by Adeline Gray in Hartford, CT. 1942 Japanese forces retreated in the World War II Battle of Midway. The battle had begun on June 4. 1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches of Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied American, British and Canadian troops were involved. 1968 U.S. Senator Robert F. Kennedy died at 1:44am in Los Angeles after being shot by Sirhan Sirhan. Kennedy was was shot the evening before while campaigning for the Democratic presidential nomination. 1982 Israel invaded southern Lebanon in an effort to drive PLO guerrillas out of Beirut. 1985 The body of Nazi war criminal Dr. Josef Mengele was located and exhumed near Sao Paolo, Brazil. Mengele was known as the "Angel of Death." 1985 The U.S. Senate authorized nonmilitary aid to the Contras. The vote authorized $38 million over two years. 1993 Mongolia held its first direct presidential elections. 2005 The United States Supreme Court ruled that federal authorities could prosecute sick people who smoke marijuana on doctor's orders. The ruling concluded that state medical marijuana laws did not protect uses from the federal ban on the drug. 2020 Do smiled. |
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