| Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, March 17 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! ___________________________________________________ History: on this day, March 17, in 1966, A U.S. submarine found a missing H-bomb in the Mediterranean off of Spain. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Oregon murder suspect escapes courthouse __________________________________________________ Q The young have aspirations that never come to pass, the old have reminiscences of what never happened. --- Saki (1870 - 1916) The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. --- Calvin Trillin (1935 - ) ________________________________________________ Here is a Classic! Dear Ma and Pa: Am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Army beats working for Old Man Minch a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. (!) but am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things -- no hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Boys have got to shave, but it is probably not bad in warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, beef, ham steak, fried eggplant, pie and regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches," which, the Sgt. says, are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys all get sore feet and we ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat. The Sgt. is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. Is like the school board. Cols. and Gens. just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none. This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bull's-eye is near as big as a chipmonk and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higsett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes. Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellows get onto this setup and come stampeding in. Your loving daughter, Nan P.S. Speaking of shooting; enclosed is $2000 for barn roof and ma's teeth. The city boy?s shoot craps, but not very good ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? B: It's a girl. She's my daughter. A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father. B: I'm not. I'm her mother. ________________________________________________ A robust-looking gentleman ate a fine meal at an expensive restaurant and topped it off with some Napoleon brandy, then he summoned the headwaiter. "Do you recall," he asked pleasantly, "how a year ago, I ate just such a repast here and then, because I couldn't pay for it, you had me thrown into the alley like a common bum?" "I'm very sorry sir..." began the contrite headwaiter. "Oh, it's quite all right." said the guest, "but I'm afraid I'll have to trouble you again." _________________________________________________ Jennil Modar Northern Pygmy Owl March 2023 ________________________________________________ I have to go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs. Yeah, when it rains, it pours! That means no newsletters on Saturday, Sunday or Monday. By Monday hopefully the Refurb will be here, and I can set it up, and work without having to reboot every 7 minutes. In my next life, I won't touch computers. I think I will work as a miner. That was my happiest time in life. Just blowing up rocks and crushing them. Very relaxing. Actually, I want to do that NOW! ________________________________________________ We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Mike's parents have four children. Their names are Penny, Dime and Quarter. What is the fourth child's name? ___________________________________________________ This guy was walking along the beach when he came across this salt-encrusted piece of metal. He worked for an hour or so to remove the salt. Lo and behold it was a very old oil lamp. The guy started to buff it to remove the verdigris when "poof" a genie appeared. This genie, like all genies, was so happy to be freed of the lamp that he granted the guy three wishes. "I wish to be a dollar richer than Bill Gates, " says the guy. "Guy," the genie said, "You will forever be a dollar richer than Bill Gates. What's your second wish." "Genie, I want the most expensive Porsche made: Fire engine red, on board GPS and the finest audio system ever installed in an automobile." "That's easy, Guy," says the genie. He waves his hand and best car anybody had ever seen pops out of the lamp. The genie then asks the guy for his third wish. The guy mulls the problem over and over. A girl-- nah, with billions and billions of dollars he certainly had become a chick magnet. World peace? Only wackos want that. The guy found a reason not to wish for anything that came to his mind. "Genie," the guy said, "I can't think of anything now. May I save the third wish for later." "Gee, this is most unusual. But you hold the hammer, I can't escape from this lamp until you make a third wish. Call me when you're ready," and whoosh the genie disappears into the lamp. The guy carefully picks up the now-ever-so- valuable lamp and places it in the trunk of the fire engine red Porsche. He turns the radio on to balance the sounds and makes all the other adjustments needed to get his great audio system customized to his ears. After that, he pulled off the beach and headed south along the Pacific Coast Highway. Soon he was up to 60, then 70, then 80. The Porsche handled perfectly. The guy was so happy that he began to sing along with the familiar commercial on the radio. "Oh, I wish I was an Oscar-Mayer Wiener..." Well, Do, what is YOUR third wish? ___________________________________________________ >From Lillemor During his physical, the doctor asked the patient about his daily activity level. He described a typical day this way: Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees. Inspired by the story, the doctor said,You must be one hell of an outdoorsman! NAH,he replied,I'm just a shitty golfer. __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Edi Villalobos Jr., 28, Hillsboro, Oregon, USA Oregon murder suspect escapes courthouse Courthouse surveillance video shows an Oregon murder suspect sprinting away from bailiffs after they unshackled him in court a requirement under state law then escaping the building and prompting a massive manhunt. Edi Villalobos Jr., a 28-year-old accused of murder and a slew of other felonies, was supposed to stand before the court for the start of his trial. Instead, he ran down the hallway and out an employees-only exit, video shows. "Per Oregon law, the deputies removed all restraints from Villalobos during the jury selection process," the Washington County Sheriff's Office said in a statement. "At around 11 a.m., the court took a break, and restraints were placed back on Villalobos. When the break ended, deputies again removed all restraints from Villalobos, as directed by Oregon Law." The incident happened on Feb. 28, but the sheriff's office made the video public Thursday. After a roughly two-hour manhunt, police arrested him in a Hillsboro apartment, where a neighbor called 911 to report they heard someone trying to break in, according to the sheriff's office. "Deputies entered the apartment and located Villalobos hiding in a closet underneath a blanket," the sheriff said. While in custody awaiting his murder trial, Villalobos racked up charges for unlawful possession of a weapon by an inmate and distributing contraband, court records show. Now he faces two new felony burglary charges and another for escaping custody. _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Dr Moe RE: What happened to your computer? Dear Webby What happened to your computer? Must have been very serious Moe Dear Dr Moe It kept crshing and locking up every 10 - 15 minutes. No matter what I did, it did not stop being a nuisanc. The problem might have been Goofle sneaking in W10 specific secret updates, like they have been threatening. Bastids! That machine is a super-clean W7 Refurb, like a digital James Bond would build for himself. There was not a single filler on it when I got it from Joel at ComputerRack in Calgary, when Microschlop came out with W10, and I decided that life is too short to put up with THAT slow crap. That was about 7 or 8 years ago. That machine has been running at light speed ever since. MalwareBytes has kept it clean. It has occasionally irked me a bit by rudely blocking sites, that IT considered less than 220% clean. That is no problem. Just causes a brief grin. About the only thing that dares to sneak in are Microschlop and Goofle autupdates. They need to be nuked! TWICE!! Joel is an hour away in Calgary. Good freeway. Lots of cloverleafs but all the bridges are West-East. I fly South>North, not slow. 119.5 is legit. They don't give tickets for less than 20 over the limit. The way it should be on a decent Freeway. Then about half way there some moron did a surprise brake check. Well, I still have pretty good reaction time, and stopped 1/8" from her ugly ass. Computer slid off the passenger seat and klunked onto the firewall. Percussive Maintenance, like I did hundreds of times in the PC and XP days. Then, when I got to Joel, he opened it up, looked in, started it up. It ran just fine. Did not crash every 10 minutes. Joel shrugged and refused to take any money. So I ordered another W7 refurb. I love keeping geniuses like him happy. Thanks, Joel! _______________ Today, March 17 in 0461, Bishop Patrick, St. Patrick, died in Saul. Ireland celebrates this day in his honor. 1756, St. Patrick's Day was celebrated in New York City for the first time. The event took place at the Crown and Thistle Tavern. 1766, Britain repealed the Stamp Act that had caused a lot of resentment in the North American colonies. 1776, British forces evacuated Boston to Nova Scotia during the Revolutionary War. 1868, Postage stamp canceling machine patent was issued. 1870, Wellesley College was incorporated by the Massachusetts legislature under its first name, Wellesley Female Seminary. 1884, In Otay, California, John Joseph Montgomery made the first manned, controlled, heavier-than-air glider flight in the United States. 1886, 20 Blacks were killed in the Carrollton Massacre in Mississippi. 1891, The British steamer Utopia sank off the coast of Gibraltar. 1901, In Paris, Vincent Van Gogh's paintings were shown at the Bernheim Gallery. 1909, In France, the communications industry was paralyzed by strikes. 1910, The Camp Fire Girls organization was founded by Luther and Charlotte Gulick. It was formally presented to the public exactly 2 years later. 1914, Russia increased the number of active duty military from 460,000 to 1,700,000. 1917, Americas first bowling tournament for ladies began in St. Louis, MO. Almost 100 women participated in the event. 1930, Al Capone was released from jail. 1930, In New York, construction began on the Empire State Building. Excavation at the site began on January 22. 1941, The National Gallery of Art was officially opened by U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt in Washington, DC. 1942, Douglas MacArthur became the Supreme Commander of the Allied forces in the Southwestern Pacific. 1944, During World War II, the U.S. bombed Vienna back to the stone age. 1950, Scientists at the University of California at Berkeley announced that they had created a new radioactive element. They named it "californium". It is also known as element 98. 1958, The Vanguard 1 satellite was launched by the U.S. 1959, The Dalai Lama (Lhama Dhondrub, Tenzin Gyatso) fled Tibet and went to India. 1961, The U.S. increased military aid and technicians to Laos. 1962, Moscow asked the U.S. to pull out of South Vietnam. 1966, A U.S. submarine found a missing H-bomb in the Mediterranean off of Spain. 1967, Snoopy and Charlie Brown of "Peanuts" were on the cover of "LIFE" magazine. 1969, Golda Meir was sworn in as the fourth premier of Israel. 1970, The U.S. Army charged 14 officers with suppression of facts in the My Lai massacre case. 1972, U.S. President Nixon asked Congress to halt busing in order to achieve desegregation. 1973, Twenty were killed in Cambodia when a bomb went off that was meant for the Cambodian President Lon Nol. 1973, The first American prisoners of war (POWs) were released from the "Hanoi Hilton" in Hanoi, North Vietnam. 1982, In El Salvador, four Dutch television crewmembers were killed by government troops. 1985, U.S. President Reagan agreed to a joint study with Canada on acid rain. 1989, A series of solar flares caused a violent magnetic storm that brought power outages over large regions of Canada. 1992, In Buenos Aires, 10 people were killed in a suicide car- bomb attack against the Israeli embassy. 1992, White South Africans approved constitutional reforms to give legal equality to blacks. 1995, Gerry Adams became the first leader of Sinn Fein to be received at the White House. 1998, Washington Mutual announced it had agreed to buy H.F. Ahmanson and Co. for $9.9 billion dollars. The deal created the nation's seventh-largest banking company. 1999, A panel of medical experts concluded that marijuana had medical benefits for people suffering from cancer and AIDS. 1999, The International Olympic Committee expelled six of its members in the wake of a bribery scandal. 2000, In Norway, Jens Stotenberg and the Labour Party took office as Prime Minister. The coalition government of Kjell Magne Bondevik resigned on March 9 as a result of an environmental dispute. 2000, In Kanungu, Uganda, a fire at a church linked to the cult known as the Movement for the Restoration of the Ten Commandments killed more than 530. On March 31, officials set the number of deaths linked to the cult at more than 900 after authorities subsequently found mass graves at various sites linked to the cult. 2004, NASA's Messenger became the first spacecraft to enter into orbit around Mercury. The probe took more than 270,000 pictures before it crashed into the surface of Mercury on April 30, 2015. 2007, Mike Modano (Dallas Stars) scored his 502nd and 503rd career goals making him the all-time U.S. leader in goal- scoring. 2009, The iTunes Music Store reached 800 million applications downloaded. 2023, Do smiled.
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