Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, March 30 ______________________________________________________ Today, March 30 in 1936 Britain announced a naval construction program of 38 warships to get ready for WWII. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: Care facility worker rrested for feeding jalapeno peppers to dementia patient  ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction. --- E. F. Schumacher _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Jolene had been wanting new kitchen cabinets for a long time, but her husband insisted they were an extravagance. Then she went to visit her Mother for two weeks, and when she returned, she was overjoyed to find that her husband had surprised her by installing beautiful new cabinets. A few days later a neighbor came over to visit and after admiring the new cabinets, the neighbor added, "All of us were so glad that the fire your husband had while you were gone was confined to the kitchen." ______________________________________________________   Albino Leopard Gecko _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor:  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Kyra Johnson, 30, Oklahoma City Oklahoma  Care facility worker arrested for feeding jalapeno peppers to dementia patient  A former employee at a senior care facility is accused of feeding one of the patients hot peppers in order to hurt him. Kyra Johnson, 30, is charged with abuse by a caretaker, according to KFOR. The allegations stem from an incident at The Village on the Park near S. Penn and Kingsridge Dr., where Johnson was still a caretaker at the time. The victim was an 81-year-old man who police said suffers from dementia and relied on those working in the Memory Care Living Unit. One morning, Johnson is accused of taking advantage of that trust. According to the affidavit, other employees saw her chop up a jalapeo and mix it in with his eggs. One witness stated, I hope that is not hot, to which Johnson allegedly replied, I hope it is. Investigators reported Johnson was seen feeding him the eggs with the jalapeo in them, even though he was not accustomed to eating spicy food, and did not need assistance feeding himself. The affidavit states he was seen fanning and gasping for air to cool his mouth. Witnesses told investigators Johnson meant to cause him pain and suffering.  
 From: Alice Re: What are Word Processors?  Dear DearWebby You probably think I am living under a rock. I have seen those terms bandied about for decades, but never had the courage to ask what they are about. So, what are they, in simple words? Alice  Dear Alice Word Processors started with big, bulky, "Electric Piano" systems, that had no screen, but were able to print. Eventually screens were added and after personal computers became affordable, programs were created to take care of the typing, editing, saving and printing. Wang was the big innovator in the low budget arena, while IBM with their "Display-Write" took care of big business. Initially the program sat on a huge mainframe computer in the basement, with each typist or secretary having just a keyboard and screen. Eventuallly the programs moved to personal computers, but the produced text was still saved on the mainframe. Small business and hobbyists of course did not have access to mainframes in the basement, so they saved the text on disks. Early pioneers in PC based word processing were WordStar, which was soon replaced by WordPerfect. Both were just as capable, but Word Perfect did not have an on- screen menu. Instead it had a cardboard strip with all the commands to go where you now have the F keys. In those days, the F-keys were "on the left, where God intended them to be" as Isaac Asimov wrote then. With SHIFT, CTRL, ALT and combinations of them, you could do absolutely anything. Then in the late 80s the women's libbers revolutionized writing. Instead of getting paid according to how many pieces of correspondence they produced per day, they now demanded to get paid according to how pretty their letters were. So the now obsolete F-keys (replaced by frantic mousing around) were moved to the top of the keyboard and instead of producing text, the work moved towards typesetting. Nowadays it makes little difference which word processor you use. All of them are capable of producing the same results. The main difference is YOU. Yes, YOU! If you have learned it and are comfortable with one brand, for example Open Office, then all others feel klutzy and slow. Just stick with what you are comfortable with. By the way, if you or your mom once were a speed demon on Word Perfect. it is still available as part of Corell Office. Have FUN! DearWebby  
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 Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000." The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon ... "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits." 
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 Every baseball team could use a man who plays every position perfectly, never strikes out and never makes an error. The trouble is, there's no way to make him lay down his hot dog and come down out of the stands. ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Salt for BBQ Flare Ups Don't Let High Fuel Costs Drive You Nuts Avoid aggressive driving and observe the speed limit. Lighten your load by clearing your car of extra weight, and remove roof racks or carriers if not used frequently. Keep current with car maintenance. clean air filters, properly inflated and aligned tires and the correct grade of oil can all increase mileage. Thriftyfun.com   ____________________________________________________   
  
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 ___________________________________________________ Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $64,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the emcee that he desired a question on American History. The big night had arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the best guest this show had ever seen. The emcee stepped up to the mic. "Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You know that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away $64,000 dollars richer. Are you ready?" Bob nodded with a cocky confidence-the crowd went nuts. He hadn't missed a question all week. "Bob, your question on American History is a two-part question. As you know, you may answer either part first. As a rule, the second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like to take a stab at first?" Bob was now becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn't believe it, but he was drawing a blank. American History was his easiest subject, but he played it safe. "I'll try the second part first." The emcee nodded approvingly. "Here we go Bob. I will ask you the second half first, then the first half." The audience silenced with gross anticipation...... "Bob, here is your question... And in what year did it happen??" ___________________________________________________ A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go. Excited, he jumps out of the plane. After a bit, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. He tries again. Still nothing. He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail. Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going *up*! Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver -- by this time scared out of his wits -- yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?" The other guy yells back, "No! Do you know anything about gas barbecues?" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Bulletin Bloopers The youth group has raised almost $500 for drug abuse. "Correction: The following typo appeared in our last bulletin: 'Lunch will be gin at 12:15.' Please correct to read '12 noon.' " Any church member over the age of 18 is invited to participate in this lay ministry program. It requires a minimal amount of training and time. The orientation will include six weekly classes of about 200 hours each Tuesday night. The Seniors group will have a picnic Saturday. Each person is asked to bring a friend, a vegetable, or dessert in a covered dish. Meat and drinks will be furnished. The last day of Vacation Bible School will include a field trip to the state game farm. We could use some additional volunteers to help preparing the lunch of sandwiches, potato chips, cheese, crack, and cool aid that morning. Remem ber the youth department rummage sale for Summer Camp. We have a Gents three-speed bicycle, also two ladies for sale, in good running order. ___________________________________________________  
 Today March 30 in 1533 Henry VIII divorced his first wife, Catherine of Aragon. 1814 The allied European nations against Napoleon marched into Paris. 1822 Florida became a U.S. territory. 1842 Dr. Crawford W. Long performed the first operation while his patient was anesthetized by ether. 1855 About 5,000 "Border Ruffians" from western Missouri invaded the territory of Kansas and forced the election of a pro-slavery legislature. It was the first election in Kansas. 1856 A peace treaty was signed between England and Russia. (Treaty of Paris) 1858 Hyman L. Lipman of Philadelphia patented the pencil. 1867 The U.S. purchased Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million dollars. 1870 The 15th amendment, guaranteeing the right to vote regardless of race, was passed by the U.S. Congress. 1870 Texas was readmitted to the Union. 1903 Revolutionary activity in the Dominican Republic brought U.S. troops to Santo Domingo to protect American interests. 1905 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt was chosen to mediate in the Russo-Japanese peace talks. 1909 The Queensboro bridge in New York opened linking Manhattan and Queens. It was the first double decker bridge. 1909 In Oklahoma, Seminole Indians revolted against meager pay for government jobs. 1916 Pancho Villa killed 172 at the Guerrero garrison in Mexico. 1936 Britain announced a naval construction program of 38 warships to get ready for WWII. 1939 The comic book "Detective Comics #27" appeared on newstands. This comic introduced Batman. 1940 The Japanese set up a puppet government called Manchuko in Nanking, China. 1941 The German Afrika Korps under General Erwin Rommel began its first offensive against British forces in Libya. 1944 The U.S. fleet attacked Palau, near the Philippines. 1945 The U.S.S.R. invaded Austria at the end of World War II. 1946 The Allies seized 1,000 Nazis attempting to revive the Nazi party in Frankfurt. 1950 The invention of the phototransistor was announced. 1950 U.S. President Truman denounced Senator Joe McCarthy as a saboteur of U.S. foreign policy. 1972 The British government assumed direct rule over Northern Ireland. 1972 The Eastertide Offensive began when North Vietnamese troops crossed into the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) in the northern portion of South Vietnam. 1975 As the North Vietnamese forces moved toward Saigon South Vietnamese soldiers mob rescue jets in desperation. 1981 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was shot and wounded in Washington, DC, by John W. Hinckley Jr. Two police officers and Press Secretary James Brady were also wounded. 1982 The space shuttle Columbia completed its third and its longest test flight after 8 days in space. 1987 Vincent Van Gogh's "Sunflowers" was bought for $39.85 million. 1993 In Sarajevo, two Serb militiamen were sentenced to death for war crimes committed in Bosnia. 1993 In the Peanuts comic strip, Charlie Brown hit his first home run. 1994 Serbs and Croats signed a cease-fire to end their war in Croatia while Bosnian Muslims and Serbs continued to fight each other. 1998 Rolls-Royce was purchased by BMW in a $570 million deal. 2002 An unmanned U.S. spy plane crashed at sea in the Southern Philippines. 2002 Suspected Islamic militants set off several grenades at a temple in Indian-controlled Kashmir. Four civilians, four policemen and two attackers were killed and 20 people were injured. 2009 The Port Authority of New York and New Jersey confirmed that the new World Trade Center building would be officially known by its legal name of "One World Trade Center." 2019 Do smiled. 
 

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