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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, February 18, in 1885, Mark Twain's "Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" was published in the U.S. for the first time. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Armed Florida good Samaritans detain man who assaulted, shot at 2 women __________________________________________________ Q He who lives without folly isn't so wise as he thinks. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) Not every story has explosions and car chases. That's why they have nudity and espionage. --- Bill Barnes and Gene Ambaum ________________________________________________ A wife sent her husband and their daughter to the health food store with a carefully prepared shopping list. They returned with brussel sprouts, organically grown tomatoes, wild rice, tofu, veggie burgers, celery stalks, .... and a box of chocolate cookies. The man noticed his wife's hostile glare when she pulled out the cookies. So he said, "Hey, this box of cookies has one-third less sugar AND fat than usual!" "Really? And just why is that?" she asked icily. "We ate a third of the cookies on the way home," he grinned. __________________________________________________ Marcy walks into a drug store and asks the clerk if she can use the store's baby scale. "Sorry, ma'am," says the clerk. "Our baby scale is broken. But we can figure the baby's weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the second number from the first." "Oh, that won't work," says Marcy. "Why not?" asks the clerk. "Because," she answers, "I'm not the mother - I'm the aunt." __________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ Adam and Eve A little girl asked her father, "How did the human race start?" The father answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so all mankind was made." Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question. The mother answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." Description: The confused girl returned to her father and said, "Dad, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Mom said they developed from monkeys?" The father answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your mother told you about hers." ________________________________________________ In the back woods of Tennessee, a redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I am doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming". Sure enough, within minutes, he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down, there's another one!" said the doctor. Within a few minutes he had delivered another baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern. ..it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor. The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?" ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ The average income of the modern teenager used to be about 2 a.m. Nowadays it depends on the battery life of their sillyphone. ___________________________________________________ A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23rd Psalm. He noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted by the phrase "Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life..." "What's wrong with that, Johnny?" the pastor asked. "Well," answered Johnny, "I understand about having goodness and Marcy folowing me around. But I don't want Shirley following me around all the time. She's a gossip and a spoilsport!" __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Wilkerson, 38, Pensacola, Florida, USA Armed Florida good Samaritans detain man who assaulted, shot at 2 women A Florida man was arrested by deputies after two concealed carry permit holders kept him from escaping by holding him at gunpoint after he allegedly shot at two women. Police in Florida say that Lee David Wilkerson, 38, was standing outside the Bingo Paradise bingo hall in Pensacola, Florida on Wednesday when two females attempted to enter and an argument ensued, according to a Facebook post from the Escambia County Sheriff's Office. Wilkerson allegedly retrieved a firearm from his side and struck one of the females in the head with it before shooting in their direction as they attempted to run away. Wilkerson, who police say was carrying methamphetamine at the time, then allegedly tossed his gun into a nearby dumpster. Lee David Wilkerson, 38, was arrested after shooting at 2 women outside a Florida bingo hall Lee David Wilkerson, 38, was arrested after shooting at 2 women outside a Florida bingo hall (Escambia County Sheriff, Google Maps) When Wilkerson tried to walk back into the building, two citizens with concealed weapons pulled those weapons and held him at the scene until police arrived. Authorities were able to locate Wilkersons gun in a nearby dumpster. Wilkerson was arrested and is facing charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, possession of a weapon by a convicted felon, firing a weapon in public, use/display of a firearm during a felony, and aggravated battery/use of a deadly weapon. Wilkerson was also charged with trafficking methamphetamine. ____________________________________________________ Bob and Katie were having a discussion about family finances. Finally Bob exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" Katie replied, "If it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here either." _____________________________________________________ A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross- examined. The lawyer thundered at him: "Have you ever been married?" "Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once." "Whom did you marry?" "Well, a woman." The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman. Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?" And the witness said meekly, "MY mother did." _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits from: Carol Re: What is the best tool for PDF? Dear Webby I have often wondered what tool or program to use for filling PDF forms, that Government lard-asses use to be a nuisance Carol Dear Carol I use Open Office or Office Libre WRITE. They are both the same, but one has more sample templates. WRITE is just a word processor, but it lets you save the results in many different formats, including PDF, or in DOC for students, who have a snooty teacher who has free Government provided Mirosoft Office or 365 and deman that the students buy it. You can even use Open Office or Office Libre to write ebooks or printable books, withput anybody knowing which program you used to write it, - if you don't tell them. WRITE works perfectly for doing your taxes on on-line forms that have restricted fields. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Today, February 18 in 1564, The artist Michelanglelo died in Rome. 1685, Robert Cavelier, Sieur de LaSalle established Fort St. Louis at Matagorda Bay, and thus formed the basis for France's claim to Texas. 1735, The first opera performed in America. The work was "Flora" (or "Hob in the Well") and was presented in Charleston, SC. 1841, The first continuous filibuster in the U.S. Senate began. It lasted until March 11th. 1861, In Montgomery, AL, Jefferson Davis was inaugurated as the President of the Confederate States. 1885, Mark Twain's "Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" was published in the U.S. for the first time. 1913, The famous French painting "Nude Descending a Staircase", by the French artist, Marcel Duchamp, was displayed at an "Armory Show" in New York City. 1930, Elm Farm Ollie became the first cow to fly in an airplane. 1930, The planet Pluto was discovered by Clyde Tombaugh. The discovery was made as a result of photographs taken in January 1930. 1932, Sonja Henie won her 6th world womens figure skating title in Montreal, Canada. 1952, Greece and Turkey became members of NATO. 1953, "Bwana Devil" opened. It was the first three- dimensional feature. 1953, Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz signed a contract worth $8,000,000 to continue the "I Love Lucy" TV show through 1955. 1970, The Chicago Seven defendants were found innocent of conspiring to incite riots at the 1968 Democratic national convention. 1972, The California Supreme Court struck down the state's death penalty. 1977, The space shuttle Enterprise went on its maiden "flight" sitting on top of a Boeing 747. 1987, The executives of the Girl Scout movement decided to change the color of the scout uniform from the traditional Girl Scout green to the newer Girl Scout blue. 1998, In Russia, money shortages resulted in the shutting down of three plants that produced nuclear weapons. 1998, In Nevada, two white separatists were arrested and accused of plotting a bacterial attack on subways in New York City. 2000, The U.S. Commerce Department reported a deficit in trade goods and services of $271.3 billion for 1999. It was the largest calender-year trade gap in U.S. history. 2001, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt, Sr., was killed in a crash during the Daytona 500 race. 2001, FBI agent Robert Philip Hanssen was arrested and accused of spying for Russia for more than 15 years. He later pleaded guilty and was sentenced to life in prison without parole. 2003, In South Korea, at least 120 people were killed when a man lit a fire on a subway train. 2006, American Shani Davis won the men's 1,000-meter speedskating in Turin. He was the first black athlete to win an individual gold medal in Winter Olympic history. 2022 Do smiled. https://www.cloudwards.net/how-to-uninstall-microsoft- edge/
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