Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, June 26 ___________________________________________________ History on this day, June 25, in 1925, Charlie Chaplin's comedy "The Gold Rush" premiered in Hollywood. That was the ONLY movie about Canada I had seen before immigrating to Canada. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Woman Naked From Waist Down Claimed Snakes Ate Her Pants __________________________________________________ In journalism, there has always been a tension between getting it first and getting it right. --- Ellen Goodman (1941 - ) It has always been the prerogative of children and half- wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor. --- Neil Gaiman __________________________________________________ >Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gloria Harpel, 35, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA Woman Naked From Waist Down Claimed Snakes Ate Her Pants A woman found naked from the waist down told Pennsylvania police that snakes had eaten her pants, according to a court filing. Responding last Thursday afternoon to multiple 911 calls about a half-dressed woman walking in the middle of a road about 25 miles from Philadelphia, cops found Gloria Harpel, 35, naked from the waist down and she was rambling. Harpel, who police suspected of narcotics use, initially said that she had put her pants in a storm drain before contending that snakes had eaten them. Pictured at right, Harpel--who was reportedly sweating profusely and making nonsensical outbursts--was arrested for indecent exposure, disorderly conduct, and public drunkenness. She was booked into the Montgomery County jail on the misdemeanor counts. The probable cause affidavit does not provide a further description of the purported trouser snakes. ___________________________________________________ John and Suzi had just driven an exhausting 12-hour drive to their honeymoon destination in Daytona Beach, Fla. They found their hotel room but decided to refresh themselves with a dip in the hotel pool. Suzi must have dropped a few pounds due to the pre-wedding jitters, because each time she dove into the pool, she lost either the top or bottom of her skimpy new bikini. They had the pool to their self's, so they just laughed and retrieved the pieces. Later they dressed for dinner and went down to the hotel restaurant. Waiting for a table they sat in the lounge and ordered drinks. Above the bar was a huge, empty, glistening fish tank. Curious, John asked, "Why is such a beautiful fish tank empty?" The bartender grinned from ear to ear as he replied, "That's not a fish tank, it's the swimming pool." ___________________________________________________ >From the Bausell Sailor: I was at the dentist yesterday and told the nurse "I sure hope that the dentist does not say the four-letter word that patients fear" and she asked what that would be and I told her "OOPS"! ___________________________________________________ One evening after work, a man drove his secretary home after she had a little too much to drink at a party. Although nothing happened, he decided not to mention it to his wife. Later that night, the man and his wife were driving to a movie when he spotted a high-heeled shoe hidden under the passenger seat. Pointing to something out the passenger window to distract his wife, he picked up the shoe and tossed it out of his window. They arrived at the theater a short time later and were about to get out of the car when his wife asked, "Honey, have you seen my other shoe?" ___________________________________________________ The World's Shortest Books 26. "Hillary's quotable truths 25. "My plan to find the real killers" by OJ Simpson 24. "To all the men I've loved before" by Ellen DeGeneres 23. "The Book of Virtues" by Bill Clinton 22. The Difference between Reality and Dilbert 21. Human Rights Advances in China 20. "Things I Wouldn't Do for Money" by Dennis Rodman 19. Al Gore: The Wild Years 18. Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean 17. Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors 16. America's Most Popular Lawyers 15. Detroit - A Travel Guide 14. Different Ways to Spell "Bob" 13. Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches 12. Easy UNIX 11. Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance 10. Everything Men Know About Women 9. Everything Women Know About Men 8. French Hospitality 7. George Foreman's Big Book of Baby Names 6. "How to Sustain a Musical Career" by Art Garfunkel 5. Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette 4. One Hundred and One Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA 3. Staple Your Way to Success 2. The Amish Phone Directory 1. The Engineer's Guide to Fashion ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three very large, leathered bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spat into the old man's milk and then he too took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter. Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?" The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either, he just backed his big-rig over three motorcycles." ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ >From Mona Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. ____________________________________________________ >From Bill When a woman in my office became engaged, a colleague offered her some advice. "The first ten years are the hardest." "How long have you been married?" I asked. "Ten years," she replied. ___________________________________________________ DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Elsa Re: What is the | key for? Dear Webby! I have always wondered what the | on the keyboard was for. Nobody knows. Can you please tell me? Elsa Dear Elsa The | key is called the pipe. It is used in certain types of programming to string different commands together on one line instead of putting them on separate lines. Don't worry about the pipes. If you see one, it was probably meant to be a ? and somebody hit a key too far to the left. Have FUN! Dear Webby ___________________________________________________ The Quarantine Song Starkle, starkle, little twink, Who the hell you are I think, I'm not under what they call The alcofluence of incohol. I'm not drunk as thinkle peep, I'm just a little slort of sheep. Tee martoonis make a guy Fool so feelish, don't know why Rally don't know who's me yet The drunker I stay the longer I get So just one more to full my cup, I've all day sober to Sunday up. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________________ The proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his children and immediately started to assemble it with all the neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it. After several hours of reading the directions, attempting to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and called upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard. The old-timer came over, threw the directions away, and in a short while had the set completely assembled. It's beyond me," said the father, "how you got it together without even reading instructions." "To tell the truth," replied the old-timer, "I can't read, and when you can't read, you've got to think." ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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________________________________________________ Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel. One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food & fire area. It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just watching. Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders and they had a great idea! They could sit on top of the boulders and get a better view of their wives working. This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ulti- mately led to television...and later to the remote control. _______________________________________________ Brotha Steve writes and tells me this is a true story. Recently I was in a restaurant having breakfast. A woman came in and said she needed to get a "to-go order." She said she was in a hurry because she had to get online and talk . . . "to her AOL friends." (She actually said those very words.) She then ordered eggs, potatoes, and toast. When asked if she wanted bacon, she replied, "No, I don't eat pork. But I would like a double order of sausages, please." _______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
| Today, June 26, in 1096, Peter the Hermit's crusaders forced their way across Sava, Hungary. 1243, The Seljuk Turkish army in Asia Minor was wiped out by the Mongols. 1483, Richard III usurped himself to the English throne. 1794, The French defeated an Austrian army at the Battle of Fleurus. 1804, The Lewis and Clark Expedition reached the mouth of the Kansas River after completing a westward trek of nearly 400 river miles. 1819, The bicycle was patented by W.K. Clarkson, Jr. 1844, John Tyler took Julia Gardiner as his bride, thus becoming the first U.S. President to marry while in office. 1870, The first section of the boardwalk in Atlantic City, NJ, was opened to the public. 1894, The American Railway Union called a general strike in sympathy with Pullman workers. 1900, The United States announced that it would send troops to fight against the Boxer rebellion in China. 1900, A commission that included Dr. Walter Reed began the fight against the deadly disease yellow fever. 1907, Russia's nobility demanded drastic measures to be taken against revolutionaries. 1908, Shah Muhammad Ali's forces squelched the reform elements of Parliament in Persia. 1917, General John "Black Jack" Pershing arrived in France with the American Expeditionary Force. 1925, Charlie Chaplin's comedy "The Gold Rush" premiered in Hollywood. That was the ONLY movie about Canada I had seen before immigrating to Canada. 1926, A memorial to the first U.S. troops in France was unveiled at St. Nazaire. 1924, After eight years of occupation, American troops left the Dominican Republic. 1927, The Coney Island Cyclone roller coaster opened in New York. 1936, The Focke-Wulf Fw 61 made its first flight. It is considered the first practical helicopter. 1942, The Grumman F6F Hellcat fighter was flown for the first time. 1945, The U.N. Charter was signed by 50 nations in San Francisco, CA. 1948, The Berlin Airlift began as the U.S., Britain and France started ferrying supplies to the isolated western sector of Berlin. 1951, The Soviet Union proposed a cease-fire in the Korean War. 1959, U.S. President Eisenhower joined Britain's Queen Elizabeth II in ceremonies officially opening the St. Lawrence Seaway. 1961, A Kuwaiti vote opposed Iraq's annexation plans. 1963, U.S. President John Kennedy announced "Ich bin ein Berliner" (I am a Berliner) at the Berlin Wall. 1971, The U.S. Justice Department issued a warrant for Daniel Ellsberg, accusing him of giving away the Pentagon Papers. 1974, In Troy, Ohio, a Marsh supermarket installed the first bar code scanning equipment, made by IBM, and a product with a bar code was scanned for the first time. The product was Juicy Fruit gum. 1975, Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi declared a state of emergency due to "deep and widespread conspiracy." 1976, In Toronto, Canada, the CN Tower opened to the public. The official opening date is listed as October 1, 1976. It was the world's tallest free-standing stucture and the world's tallest tower until 2010. 1979, Muhammad Ali, at 37 years old, announced that he was retiring as world heavyweight boxing champion. 1985, Wilbur Snapp was ejected after playing "Three Blind Mice" during a baseball game. The incident followed a call made by umpire Keith O'Connor. 1996, The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the Virginia Military Institute to admit women or forgo state support. 1997, The U.S. Supreme Court struck down the Communications Decency Act of 1996 that made it illegal to distribute indecent material on the Internet. 1997, J.K. Rowlings book "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" was published in the U.K. The book was later released in the U.S. under the name "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone." This was the first book in the Harry Potter series. 1997, The U.S. Supreme Court upheld state laws that allow for a ban on doctor-assisted suicides. 1998, The U.S. and Peru open school to train commandos to patrol Peru's rivers for drug traffickers. 1998, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that employers are always potentially liable for supervisor's sexual misconduct toward an employee. 2000, The Human Genome Project and Celera Genomics Corp. jointly announced that they had created a working draft of the human genome. 2000, Indonesia's President Abdurrahman Wahid declared a state of emergency in the Moluccas due to the escalation of fighting between Christians and Muslims. 2001, Ray Bourque (Colorado Avalanche) announced his retirement just 17 days after winning his first Stanley Cup. Bouque retired after 22 years and held the NHL record for highest-scoring defenseman and playing in 19 consecutive All-Star games. 2002, WorldCom Inc. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. 2022 Do! smiled. |
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