Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, January 13 Today's Bonehead Award: Floriduh woman breaks into police station, eats officer's lunch, forgets her ID there ______________________________________________________ Today, January 13 in 1942 Henry Ford patented the plastic automobile referred to as the "Soybean Car." The car was 30% lighter than the average car. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away. --- Thomas Fuller (1608 - 1661) Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else? --- James Thurber ______________________________________________________ This guy's in the rear of a full elevator and he shouts, "Ballroom please." A lady standing in front of him turns around and says, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was crowding you." ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ AUNT KAREN is the mother of two high-spirited young girls. When I called her one morning, our conversation was constantly interrupted by the din of kids screaming and chasing each other. "Could you hold on for a moment?" my aunt finally asked, putting down the phone. Within ten seconds all I could hear was absolute silence. Then, "Okay, I'm back." "But it's so quiet!" I exclaimed. "You must have complete control over those two." "Not really," my aunt confessed wearily. "I'm in the closet." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ IN THE veterinary office where I'm a technician, we mail out reminders when pets are due for vaccinations. Bruno, a German shepherd, arrived for his annual rabies shot, and we were required by state law to ask his owner if Bruno had bitten anyone in the last ten days. "Oh yes, in fact that's why we're here," she replied. Surprised, I told her we assumed they'd come in because of our reminder. "We did," she explained. "Bruno bit the mail carrier who was delivering your card." ______________________________________________________ Do I hear a can opener? _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Yvelande Jean-Pierre 29, Boynton Beach, FloriDUH Floriduh woman breaks into police station, eats officer's lunch, forgets her ID there Many of us have had to deal with a co-worker eating our food at work, but what about a burglar doing it? Boynton Beach police arrested 29-year-old Yvelande Jean-Pierre, Wednesday for just that. 1st mistake - breaking into our substation. 2nd - eating Agent Berben's chicken & asparagus. 3rd - leaving her ID behind. Today, we charged Yvelande Jean-Pierre w/burglary to an unoccupied structure, theft & criminal mischief. According to police, Jean-Pierre broke into a substation and stole two pre-made meals belonging to an officer from the refrigerator. She actually warmed one up and ate it. Upon finding the scene the next day, detectives discovered Jean- Pierre left her ID behind. Police also said Jean-Pierre was caught on surveillance video. Jean-Pierre has since been charged with burglary, theft and criminal mischief. From: Angel Re: UBE Dear DearWebby, What is this all about? Subject: Considered UNSOLICITED BULK EMAIL, apparently from you From: "Content-filter at spamwall19.mweb.co.za" Date: Wed, 20 Feb 2008 11:07:48 +0200 (SAST) X-Virus-Scanned: ClamAV using ClamSMTP A message from to: -> .......@mweb.co.za was considered unsolicited bulk e-mail (UBE). Angel Dear Angel The NOI (Ninjas Of Ineptitude) at mweb.co.za censored your subscription, probably because it had educational content. Please tell the NOI to whitelist humor@webby.com, because the subject line and the Tech Support Pits column frequently have educational information about avoiding undesired email or software. Try to use small words and explain to them, that mail, which is about how to avoid bad stuff, is not bad stuff. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. I had put in an 18-hour day at work and was upset to find my four-year-old Zack asleep in bed with my husband when I got home. Zack squirms so much it is impossible to get a decent night's sleep when he is with us. Exhausted, I collapsed into his bed instead, where I slept better than I had in years. The next morning, I asked my husband, "Why was Zack in bed with you?" "Oh," he replied, shrugging, "he wet his bed, and I was too tired to change his sheets." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
"Get this." said a guy to his friends, "Last night, while I was down at the bar with you guys, a burglar broke into my house. "Did he get anything?" his friends asked. The guy said, "Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs." One of his friends ask, "How'd that happen?" The guy answered, "Well, it was really late at night and my wife thought it was me coming home drunk." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Lay Outfits Out the Night Before If they get into the habit of laying out their outfit the night before it will make the mornings less stressful and help keep their room organized. For younger children, lay their outfit out for them. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | People are Awesome! Best of the week. |
___________________________________________________ Wife: "I'm going to try something new this summer with the dog and kids." Husband: "What"s that?" Wife: "I'm sending the dog to camp and the kids to obedience school." ___________________________________________________ 1. Energizer Bunny Arrested & Charged with Battery. 2. A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative. 3. Practice safe eating -- always use condiments. 4. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. 5. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. 6. Marriage is the mourning after the knot before. 7. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. 8. Corduroy pillows are making headlines. 9. Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome? 10. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? 11. A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter. 12. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 13. A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor. 14. Without geometry, life is pointless. 15. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. 16. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks to Rubye for this story: My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, "Do you know her?" "Yes," I sighed. "She was my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she has not been sober since." "My God!" said my wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" ___________________________________________________ | Today January 13 in 1128 Pope Honorius II granted a papal sanction to the military order known as the Knights Templar. He declared it to be an army of God. 1854 Anthony Faas of Philadelphia, PA, was granted the first U.S. patent for the accordion. He made improvements to the keyboard and enhanced the sound. 1898 Emile Zola's "J'accuse" was published in Paris. 1900 In Austria-Hungary, Emperor Franz Joseph decreed that German would be the language of the imperial army to combat Czech nationalism. 1906 Hugh Gernsback, of the Electro Importing Company, advertised radio receivers for sale for the price of just $7.50 in "Scientific American" magazine. 1928 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson gave the first public demonstration of television. 1942 Henry Ford patented the plastic automobile referred to as the "Soybean Car." The car was 30% lighter than the average car. 1984 Wayne Gretzky extended his NHL consecutive scoring streak to 45 games. 1992 Japan apologized for forcing tens of thousands of Korean women to serve as sex slaves for Japanese soldiers during World War II. 1998 ABC and ESPN negotiated to keep "Monday Night Football" for $1.15 billion a season. 2002 Japan and Singapore signed a free trade pact that would remove tariffs on almost all goods traded between the two countries. 2002 U.S. President George W. Bush fainted after choking on a pretzel. 2009 Ethiopian military forces began pulling out of Somalia, where they had tried to maintain order for nearly two years. 2018 Do smiled. |
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