Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, May 28 ___________________________________________________ Today, May 28 in 1996 U.S. President Clinton's former business partners in the Whitewater land deal were convicted of fraud. ______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: Woman, 48, Busted For Battering Boyfriend Told Police Victim Liked It "Rough" ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
_____________________________________________________ Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on money and short on mistakes. --- Aaron McGruder Hmmm, I got the "Late to bed" down pat, but will still have to learn the "Late to wake". _____________________________________________________ Coming out of church, Mrs. Peterson asked her husband, "Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?" "I didn't even see her," admitted Mr. Peterson. "And that dress Mrs. Hansen was wearing," continued Mrs. Peterson, "Really, don't tell me you think that's the proper costume for a mother of two." "I'm afraid I didn't notice that either," said Mr. Peterson. "Oh, for heaven's sake," snapped Mrs. Peterson. "A lot of good it does you to go to church." __________________________________________ Canola and Velvet Photo by Rodney Sitler Camrose County, AB Now you know what Canola looks like. __________________________________________ A doctor told Mrs. Darcy to give her husband one pill a day and one drink of whiskey to improve his stamina. A month later, when Mrs. Darcy came in for another visit, the doctor asked, "How are we doing with the pill and the whiskey?" Mrs. Davis answered, "Well, he's a little behind with the pills, but he's about six months ahead with the whiskey." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Marnie Faxon, 48, Oldsmar, Florida Woman, 48, Busted For Battering Boyfriend Told Police Victim Liked It "Rough" A woman arrested for yanking her boyfriends hair told police that it was a sexual thing, adding that the victim liked it rough, according to an arrest affidavit. Floridian Marnie Faxon, 48, was busted yesterday for domestic battery following a confrontation Sunday with her boyfriend in the Treasure Island apartment the couple shares. The 47-year-old victim showed police video of Faxon grabbing his hair and pulling it backward while yelling at him. A witness cited in the affidavit reported hearing the man yelling to let his hair go or he would call the police. After being read her rights, Faxon reportedly claimed her encounter with the victim was a sexual thing, and that the victim liked it rough. Faxons boyfriend told cops she was lying about the incident. Charged with domestic battery, a misdemeanor, Faxon (seen above) was booked into the county jail and later released on her own recognizance. A judge has ordered her to have no contact with the victim. Faxons rap sheet includes a pair of drunk driving convictions, as well as convictions for violating probation and driving with a suspended or revoked license. She was arrested in July 2018 for felony domestic battery after allegedly punching and scratching her then boyfriend during a confrontation for which she was judged the primary aggressor. DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Elsa Re: What is the | key for? Dear Webby, I have always wondered what the | on the keyboard was for. Nobody knows. Can you please tell me? Elsa Dear Elsa That key is called the pipe. It is used in certain types of programming to string different commands together on one line instead of putting them on separate lines. Don't worry about the pipes. If you see one, it was probably meant to be a ? and somebody hit a key too far to the left. Have FUN! DearWebby
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____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________ Sam Gold made an appointment with a urologist, famous for his work in the field of impotence. The doctor examined him and said, "You're in remarkably good condition for a man of 85. Why are you here?" Sam replied, "My friend Max says he has sex twice a week. I can't do that." The doctor shrugged. "Yes you can. You can certainly say you have sex as many times a week as you like." _____________________________________________ >From Michael I was sitting outside one cloudy day, reminiscing on all the bad luck I was having. Everything was going wrong. Feeling bad, I looked up to the heavens with outstretched arms and said "Why me, Lord, Why me." All of a sudden there was a clap of thunder and a bolt of lightning, and as the clouds parted, a booming voice came down from the sky, and said "Because, Michael, there's something about you that just ticks me off" _____________________________________________ Two men were sitting at a bar recounting their dreams. "I dreamed I was on vacation," one man said fondly. "It was just me and my fishing rod and this big beautiful lake. What a dream." "I had a great dream too," said the other. "I dreamed I was in bed with two beautiful women and having the time of my life." His companion looked over and exhorted, "You dreamed you had two women, and you didn't call me?" "Oh, I did," said the other, "but when I called, your wife said you'd gone fishing." ____________________________________________ >From Richard I interviewed for a job in another department yesterday. The department head asked me some standard questions then said, "In this job we need someone who is responsible." I replied without thinking, "I'm the one you want. At my current job, every time anything goes wrong, they always say I'm responsible!" Hmmmm, I don't think I'll be getting that position. | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today May 28 in 585 BC A solar eclipse occurred that had been predicted by Thales Miletus. 585 BC The Persian-Lydian battle ended. 1533 England's Archbishop declared the marriage of King Henry VIII to Anne Boleyn valid. 1805 Napoleon was crowned in Milan, Italy. 1863 The first black regiment left Boston to fight in the U.S. Civil War. 1900 Britain annexed the Orange Free State. 1918 Azerbaijan declared independence. 1928 Chrysler Corporation merged with Dodge Brothers, Inc. 1934 The Dionne quintuplets were born near Callender, Ontario, to Olivia and Elzire Dionne. The babies were the first quintuplets to survive infancy. 1937 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt pushed a button in Washington, DC, signaling that vehicular traffic could cross the newly opened Golden Gate Bridge in California. 1940 During World War II, Belgium surrendered to Germany. 1957 National League club owners voted to allow the Brooklyn Dodgers to move to Los Angeles and that the New York Giants could move to San Francisco. 1976 The Peaceful Nuclear Explosion Treaty was signed, limiting any nuclear explosion regardless of its purpose to a yield of 150 kilotons. 1985 David Jacobsen, director of the American University Hospital in Beirut, Lebanon, was abducted by pro-Iranian kidnappers. He was freed 17 months later. 1987 Mathias Rust, a 19-year-old West German pilot, landed a private plane in Moscow's Red Square after evading Soviet air defenses. He was released August 3, 1988. 1995 An earthquake in the Russian town Neftegorsk killed at least 2000 people. It had a magnitude of 7.5. 1996 U.S. President Clinton's former business partners in the Whitewater land deal were convicted of fraud. 1998 Pakistan matched India with five nuclear test blasts. The U.S., Japan and other nations imposed economic sanctions. Pakistani Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif said "Today, we have settled the score with India." 1998 Dr. Susan Terebey discovered a planet outside of our solar system with the use of photos taken by the Hubble Space Telescope. 1999 In Milan, Italy, Leonardo de Vinci's "The Last Supper" was put back on display after more than 20 years of restoration work. 2002 Russia became a limited partner in NATO with the creation of the NATO-Russia Council. 2015 The Observatory at One World Trade Center officially opened. 2020 Do smiled. |
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