Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, June 15 ___________________________________________________ Today, June 15 in 1844 Charles Goodyear was granted a patent for the process that strengthens rubber. _____________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: Jailed ex-scout leader tried to harm alleged child victims ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
_____________________________________________________ Dance like it hurts, Love like you need money, Work when people are watching. --- Scott Adams (1957 - ) _____________________________________________________ A Wealthy playboy met a beautiful young girl in an exclusive lounge. He took her up to his lavish apartment where he soon discovered she was not a tramp, but was well groomed and apparently very intelligent. Hoping to impress her, he began showing her his collection of expensive paintings, first editions of famous authors and offered he a glass of wine. He asked her if she preferred Port or Sherry and she said, "Oh, Sherry by all means. To me it is the nectar of the gods, Just looking at it in a crystal-clear decanter fills me with a glorious sense of anticipation. When the stopper is removed and the gorgeous liquid is poured into my glass, I inhale the enchanting aroma and I'm lifted on the wings of ecstasy. It seems as though I'm about to drink a magic potion and my whole being begins to glow. The sounds of a thousand violins being softly played fills my ears and I am transported into another world." "Port, on the other hand, makes me fart." _____________________________________________________ Tanzania lion cubs ___________________________________________________ Groan Alert! Johnny's mother told him that he had been a very naughty boy and, as punishment, she decided to omit his favorite vegetable from his dinner. That evening he sat down at the table and moaned: "I've only got beans, carrots and potatoes. Where are... His mother interrupted him. "You know what they say, Johnny: no peas for the wicked." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Matthew Baker, 50, O'Fallon, Missouri, Kansas, USA Jailed ex-scout leader tried to harm alleged child victims A former Cub Scout leader now faces felony witness tampering charges after police say he tried to arrange from jail to have someone attack two of the children hes accused of molesting to keep them from testifying against him. Matthew Baker, 50, of O'Fallon, has been charged with two counts each of tampering with a witness in a felony prosecution and two counts of tampering or attempting to tamper with a victim, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported. Those charges are in addition to 10 sex crime charges involving other children. Court documents say Baker told a cellmate that he had asked another inmate to have someone outside the jail harm two children, ages 9 and 10, who accused Baker of molesting them. Baker told his cellmate he intended to prevent the children from testifying against him in court, officials said. Baker also asked an inmate to send a letter he had written to the parents of a 10-year-old whom Baker is accused of abusing, police said, asking them to have their child tell police that he had not assaulted the child. Baker wrote that he was sorry for the pain inflicted to your child and all the others and asked if he and the family could still be friends, court documents say. DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Victoria Re: Printer paper Dear Webby, I am finally going to get a printer. Laser, color! My daughter ordered it for my birthday. I guess she got tired of having to do all my printing. What kind of paper do I need to get? Thanks Victoria Dear Victoria Regular "Copy Paper" works well in laser printers. Copiers are laser printers. Check if you have a "Staples" store in your area, and if they deliver. Most of them do deliver. You can order the paper online. Have a look at their site at http://staples.com Paper is at Printer Paper A REAM is a 500 sheet pack and weighs about 1 Kg (2.2 pounds). A CARTON is a 5000 sheet box. When the description says "20 lbs", that is NOT the weight of the box, but refers to the thickness of the paper. 20 lbs paper is just fine for any laser printer or copier. If you decide to get a carton, currently on sale for $20 - $30, most definitely take advantage of the free delivery. A 5000 sheet carton probably weighs as much or more than you! There are 10 Reams in a carton. You just take one ream out at a time. Have FUN! DearWebby
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____________________________________________________ | | Driving a car made of ice |
_____________________________________________ Ever wonder why ABCDEF are used to define bra sizes? A - Almost Boobs B - Barely there C - Can Do D - Damn good DD - Double Dang Good E - Enormous F - Fake _____________________________________________ A guy was visiting his friend in the hospital who was "all torn up." "What happened?" he asked. "Well, we were hunting the Mumba snake. It has yellow and black stripes. It likes to sun itself lying across a pathway in the jungle. You catch it by grabbing the tip of its tail with one hand and quickly running your other hand up the length of its body so you can grab it behind the neck." "Go on". the friend said. "Well, I stealthily sneaked up to the tail laying across the jungle path, grabbed it by the end and rapidly moved my other hand upward ... just as the procedure goes." "So why are you so beaten up?" the friend asked. "Did you ever *goose* a tiger?" _____________________________________________ While working for the U.S. Census, I approached one home where I was greeted by two children. I introduced myself, explained that I was a census taker and asked to see an adult. The older child ran to the door and shouted for the woman of the house. She hollered back, "Who is it?" The youngster yelled, "It's the senseless undertaker." ____________________________________________ Some newly married friends were visiting us when the topic of children came up. The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him. They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he`d put an end to things by saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy." Without a moments hesitation, the bride retorted, "Well, I hope you'll love the third one as if it was your own." | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today June 15 in 1215 King John of England put his seal on the Magna Carta. 1381 The English peasant revolt was crushed in London. 1389 Ottoman Turks crushed Serbia in the Battle of Kosovo. 1607 Colonists in North America completed James Fort in Jamestown, VA. 1667 Jean-Baptiste Denys administered the first fully- documented human blood transfusion. He successfully transfused the blood of a sheep to a 15-year old boy. 1752 Benjamin Franklin experimented by flying a kite during a thunderstorm. The result was a little spark that showed the relationship between lightning and electricity. 1775 George Washington was appointed head of the Continental Army by the Second Continental Congress. 1844 Charles Goodyear was granted a patent for the process that strengthens rubber. 1846 The United States and Britain settled a boundary dispute concerning the boundary between the U.S. and Canada, by signing a treaty. 1864 An order to establish a military burial ground was signed by Secretary of War Edwin M. Stanton. The location later became known as Arlington National Cemetery. 1866 Prussia attacked Austria. 1877 Henry O. Flipper became the first African American to graduate from the U.S. Military Academy at West Point. 1898 The U.S. House of representatives approved the annexation of Hawaii. 1909 Benjamin Shibe patented the cork center baseball. 1911 The Computing-Tabulating-Recording Co. was incorporated in the state of New York. The company was later renamed International Business Machines (IBM) Corp. 1916 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson signed a bill incorporating the Boy Scouts of America. 1917 Great Britain pledged the release of all the Irish captured during the Easter Rebellion of 1916. 1919 Captain John Alcock and Lt. Arthur W. Brown won $50,000 for successfully completing the first, non-stop trans-Atlantic plane flight. 1940 The French fortress of Verdun was captured by Germans. 1944 American forces began their successful invasion of Saipan during World War II. 1947 The All-Indian Congress accepted a British plan for the partition of India. 1948 Soviet authorities announced that the Autobahn would be closed indefinitely "for repairs." 1958 Greece severed military ties to Turkey because of the Cypress issue. 1964 The last French troops left Algeria. 1978 King Hussein of Jordan married 26-year-old American Lisa Halaby, who became Queen Noor. 1981 The U.S. agreed to provide Pakistan with $3 billion in military and economic aid from October 1982 to October 1987. 1982 In the capital city of Stanley, the Falklands war ended as Argentine troops surrendered to the British after a British sub sunk the only Argentine cruiser. 1983 The U.S. Supreme Court reinforced its position on abortion by striking down state and local restriction on abortions. 1986 Pravda, the Communist Party newspaper, reported that the chief engineer of the Chernobyl nuclear plant was dismissed for mishandling the incident at the plant. 1992 It was ruled by the U.S. Supreme Court that the government could kidnap criminal suspects from foreign countries for prosecution. 1992 U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle instructed a student to spell "potato" with an "e" on the end during a spelling bee. He had relied on a faulty flash card that had been written by the student's teacher. 1994 Israel and the Vatican established full diplomatic relations. 1999 South Korean naval forces sank a North Korean torpedo boat during an exchange in the disputed Yellow Sea. 2020 Do smiled. |
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