Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, May 11 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Georgia mom admits she let men rape daughters, ages 5 and 6, in exchange for money Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, May 11 in 1573 Henry of Anjou became the first elected king of Poland. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars. --- Hobart Brown Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. --- Plato ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ For Air Defense artillerymen, the Annual Service Practice is an important event as it's the only time they're permitted to fire live missiles. It draws not only the inspectors, but also several dignitaries. As the safety officer during one such event, I was in the control tower along with our executive officer. The exec was explaining the day's activities by the public-address system to visitors who were in a safe viewing area. Suddenly, on the firing line, a bored soldier lit up a cigarette. Before I could react, the exec grabbed the microphone and screamed, "PUT OUT THAT F@#$%&G CIGARETTE!" Two generals, a Congressman, and the local mayor obediently responded and put out their cigarettes. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Canvasback_Duck flies 120 km/h (73mph) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ There is more than just the ads that change daily in the Seattle Times! Comics http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/comics/ _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Morgan Summerlin, 25, Fulton County, Georgia Georgia mom admits she let men rape daughters, ages 5 and 6, in exchange for money him down. A 25-year-old Georgia mother admitted she allowed two men to rape her daughters in exchange for money. According to the Office of the Fulton County District Attorney, the 5-year-old and 6-year-old girls told their guardians that their mother, Morgan Summerlin, took them to the men's homes where they were sexually assaulted. The men would give the girls money; Summerlin would then take the cash for herself. A jury found one of the men, Richard Office, guilty last week on charges of rape, child molestation, trafficking a person for sexual servitude, enticing a child for indecent purposes and sexual battery. He was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole plus an additional 146 years to run concurrently. Summerlin also allowed another man, Alfredo Trejo, to abuse her children. He was convicted of rape, sexual battery, child molestation and aggravated child molestation in February. A judge sentenced him to 25 years in prison and lifetime probation. Like Office, Trejo would abuse the girls and give them money, which Summerlin would then take, prosecutors said. On April 26, Summerlin pleaded guilty to cruelty to children, trafficking a person for sexual servitude and enticing a child for indecent purposes. Sentencing is set for June 4. The children's grandmother, Teresa Davidson, pleaded guilty to cruelty to children for failing to protect the girls after they told her about the abuse. She was sentenced to five years. The report did not state why the mother did not have guardianship, or who the actual guardian was. Tech Support Pits From: Carrie Re: Internet business Dear Webby There is so much written about making big money on the Internet. Since most of that is in spam, how much of that can be believed ? I want just a small business without the stress that comes with a big company. Is there something that would fit for me? Thanks Carrie Dear Carrie If you want "just a small business", then crochet doilies and sell them to relatives. You will make more money than any of the gullible suckers who believe what they read in spam. If you want an Internet business that pays you more per month than working as a part time greeter at Walmart, then you have to follow some basic rules: 1) Clean up your credit rating enough so that you can get a credit card merchant account or a PayPal merchant account. Register as a company and get aa company bank account. Make the company pay you a wage and all the legal requirements like pension plan, medical, etc. You will severely kick yourself if you neglect that! Btw., you don't really need to really pay yourself instantly. It is quite customary that you simply have the compoany owe you the wages, and you keep them in there as an investment until the company can afford to pay you. Just keep track of all that same as any company expense, that you "lend" to the company. 2) Set up a web site. However, be careful and limit your time! It's really easy to do, but if the creativity bug bites you, it's too much fun and becomes addictive, and it's easy to forget that the reason for it is your business. It's quite OK to play, but budget your time! If you don't know how to write pages, take the free HTML course that you see in the right side margin. 3) Start writing a regular newsletter. Absolutely nothing will generate as many contacts and friends. 4) As you are getting comfortable with pages and newsletters, it's time to find a niche that suites you. Don't pick anything that requires x amount of hours to make, but something that you can duplicate easily or buy easily. Try to avoid nutrition supplements. That niche is way too crowded and you won't make any money there. 5) Avoid MLM (pyramid schemes) where you are just making money for your upline. 6) Get yourself a coach. Life is too short to make all the mistakes yourself. Avoid those who claim that they are a coach or successful but are actually so poor that they resort to spamming. They are like the fortune tellers on the street, who can't even predict when they are going to be arrested. Instead find somebody who is running a successful business and has done so for a long time. 7) Stock up on a small amount of whatever you are planning to sell and sell it to friends. ABSOLUTELY refuse to accept cash. I don't have the space here to explain it, but cash will ruin your business for sure. Tell them that you need to test your order form or your merchant account, or whatever, but don't accept cash! Make everybody go through your order form or shopping cart, and keep that money totally separate. You can write off a lot of things, and pay yourself generously, but only if you keep a very strict separation. Anything else will just get you yelled at by your accountant and by the tax authorities, cost you more and waste a lot of time. I can't tell you what would work in your area. You need a local start, unless you have a huge amolunt of starting capital. However, you CAN use international suppliers, as long as you keep your source secret. Have a look at Gamiss, a Chinese clothing supplier. Their quality is excellent and they ship incredibly fast. If you put together a catalog, that features their items, you could make pretty good money! I ordered an $8 parka with faake fur trim on the hood from them before Christmas. The same would have cost me close to $100 locally. Right now they got, for example Turndown Collar Single Breasted Fleece PU Leather Jacket - Espresso - 2xl $20.55 https://www.gamiss.com/jackets-11573/product918206/?utm_source=Criteo&utm_medium=CPCCA&utm_campaign=Displayads&lkid=1122 I didn't order it, but it is just an example. Don't get limited to an example! Consider your interests and pick something, that does not turn you off, and that your friends would be interested in. Have FUN DearWebby The elementary school teacher was trying impress upon the seventh-grade history class how Native Americans must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers. "How would you feel," said she, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?" "Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's newest boyfriend." Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Sam staggered into the house at two o'clock in the morning. As he entered his bedroom, he found another man in bed with his wife. Anni, his wife pushed the man off her and demanded to know where Sam had been until two o'clock in the morning. Sam looked at his wife's lover and demanded, "Who in the heck is this guy, and what is he doing in bed with you?" The wife thundered back, "Don't you go changing the subject! Where in the heck have you been so late?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Thanks to Chris for this story: An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru? The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...." "Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace O this family." "OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, this sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club.... (takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...." "Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad. Girl, crying again,"Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff." "Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant'. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pet ID Tags Make sure all of your pets have an ID tag with your current contact information on it. The chances of getting a lost pet back are much greater if your pet has a tag with your current phone number on it. You get can get inexpensive pet tags made at all pet store chains. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ The young son of a Baptist minister was in church one morning when he saw for the first time baptism by immersion. He was greatly interested in it, and the next morning proceeded to baptize his three cats in the bathtub. The youngest kitten bore it very well, and so did the younger cat, but the old family tom cat rebelled. The old feline struggled with the boy, clawed his skin, and finally got away. With considerable effort the boy caught the old tom again and proceeded with the "ceremony." But the cat acted worse than ever, clawing and spitting, and scratching the boy's face. Finally, after barely getting the cat splattered with water, he dropped him on the floor in disgust and said: "Fine, be a Methodist if you want to!" | Early Highlights from the 2018 Nat Geo Travel Photographer of the Year Contest. |
___________________________________________________ As a professional clown, John entertains groups at parties and company picnics. Once, an inebriated guest began heckling him in the middle of a performance, disrupting his act. Trying to ignore him wasn't working, so he used a different tactic. Slipping his arm around his shoulder, John looked him in the eye and said, "Mister, I get paid to dress up and make a fool of myself - what's your excuse?" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ A housewife with three young children was getting dinner ready when the phone rang. The six-year-old picked it up and said, "Hi, Daddy!" and she began telling him about her day. She then passed the phone to her brother and sister as was the custom whenever Daddy called from work. When it was finally the wife's turn to talk she took the receiver and said, "Hi, hon." "Thank goodness, lady," the voice on the other end replied. "I just called to tell you that the wallpaper you ordered is here!" ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ The young mother wanted so much to be a part of her teenage children's group. She worked hard at learning all the styles the young mothers wore and all foods the children like to eat. She always tried to look young and spiffy and to have an abundant supply of snacks when the gang dropped by. She even learned how to talk "young" learning all the buzz words and hip sayings. One day all this came to a screeching halt when, after serving the right snacks, she heard herself say to a room full of hormone dripping teenagers, "If anyone want secs, just let me know. I'll be in the kitchen getting it ready." ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An old country farmer with serious financial problems bought a mule from another old farmer for $100, who agreed to deliver the mule the next day. However, the next day he drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news: The mule died." "Well, then, just give me my money back." Can't do that. I went and spent it already." "OK, then. Just unload the mule." "What ya gonna do with a dead mule?" "I'm going to raffle him off." "You can't raffle off a dead mule!" "Sure I can. I just won't tell anybody he's dead." A month later the two met up and the farmer who sold the mule asked, "Whatever happened with that dead mule?" "I raffled him off just like I said I would. I sold 500 tickets at $2 a piece and made a net profit of $898." "Didn't anyone complain?" "Just the guy who won. I'm not a crook like you, I gave him his two dollars back." | Skywalk over the Grand Canyon |
___________________________________________________ A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out? Do you have to correct God's grammar?" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, May 11 in 0330 Constantinople, previously the town of Byzantium, was founded. 1573 Henry of Anjou became the first elected king of Poland. 1647 Peter Stuyvesant arrived in New Amsterdam to become governor. 1689 French and English naval battle takes place at Bantry Bay. 1745 French forces defeat an Anglo-Dutch-Hanoverian army at Fontenoy. 1792 The Columbia River was discovered by Captain Robert Gray. 1812 British prime Minster Spencer Perceval was shot by a bankrupt banker in the lobby of the House of Commons. 1857 Indian mutineers seized Delhi from the British. 1889 Major Joseph Washington Wham takes charge of $28,000 in gold and silver to pay troops at various points in the Arizona Territory. The money was stolen in a train robbery. 1894 Workers at the Pullman Palace Car Company in Illinois went on strike. 1910 Glacier National Park in Montana was established. 1934 A severe two-day dust storm stripped the topsoil from the great plains of the U.S. and created a "Dust Bowl." The storm was one of many. 1944 A major offensive was launched by the allied forces in central Italy. 1947 The creation of the tubeless tire was announced by the B.F. Goodrich Company. 1949 Siam changed its name to Thailand. 1960 Israeli soldiers captured Adolf Eichmann in Buenos Aires. 1967 The siege of Khe Sanh ended. 1985 More than 50 people died when a flash fire swept a soccer stadium in Bradford, England. 1995 The Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty was extended indefinitely. The treaty limited the spread of nuclear material for military purposes. 1996 An Atlanta-bound ValuJet DC-9 caught fire shortly after takeoff from Miami and crashed into the Florida Everglades. All 110 people on board were killed. 1997 Garry Kasparov, world chess champion, lost his first ever multi-game match. He lost to IBM's chess computer Deep Blue. It was the first time a computer had beaten a world-champion player. 1998 India conducted its first underground nuclear tests, three of them, in 24 years. The tests were in violation of a global ban on nuclear testing. 1998 A French mint produced the first coins of Europe's single currency. The coin is known as the euro. 2001 U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft announced his decision to approve a 30-day delay of the execution of convicted Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh. McVeigh had been scheduled to be executed on May 16, 2001. The delay was because the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) had failed to disclose thousands of documents to McVeigh's defense team. 2018 Do smiled. |
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