Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, December 19 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Kansas man arrested for intentionally crashing into mother's car, killing her ___________________________________________________ Today, December 18 in 1972 Apollo 17 splashed down in the Pacific, ending the Apollo program of manned lunar landings. _____________________________________________________ Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. --- Euripides (484 BC - 406 BC) The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not. We have plenty of messenger boys. --- Sir William Preece, chief engineer of the British Post Office, 1876 "What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light." --- Mark Twain _____________________________________________________ There was a university in New England where the students operated a "bank" of term papers and other assignments. There were papers to suit all needs and as it would look odd if an undistinguished student suddenly handed in a brilliant essay, there were papers for an A grade, B grade and C grade. A student who had spent the weekend on pursuits other than his assignment, went to the "bank" and as his course was a standard one he took out a paper for an inconspicious C, retyped it and handed the work in. In due course he received it back with the professor's comments "I wrote this paper myself twenty years ago. I always thought it should have had an A, and now I am glad to give it one!" _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. The minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He does." ____________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by James R. Allen, 42, Parker, Kansas, USA Kansas man arrested for intentionally crashing into mother's car, killing her Authorities say a 42-year-old eastern Kansas man has been arrested for murder after allegedly crashing a pickup into his mother's car, killing her. The Kansas Bureau of Investigation said between 2:45 p.m. and 3:10 p.m. on Tuesday, James R. Allen was driving near 1800 Road and Keitel Road in Parker when he struck the car his mother was driving. "It is believed Allen turned his pickup truck around and intentionally struck the car ... a second time," the KBI said in a release. The victim, 70-year-old Charlotte Grimes, died at the scene. Allen left the area on foot and later returned to the area in a second vehicle. He was treated for minor injuries and jailed for second-degree murder. The Linn County Sheriff's Office requested the KBI's assistance at around 5 p.m. Tuesday. The investigation is ongoing and no other details were released. Kansas Department of Corrections records show Allen has previously served time in prison for criminal threat and aggravated assault. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Carl Re: When to refill ink Dear Webby, If my ink cartridge runs out of one color, is it safe to continue printing with just the other colors ? Thanks Carl Dear Carl That depends on your printer. Some printers let you continue printing until BLACK runs out. Others get into a snit whenever the first color runs out. Your printer manual might tell you. It has been decades since I used n ink squirter, but it has always been a good policy to order more ink or toner when the first ink- out alarm shows. That way, when you do need ink, you got it. Especially nowadays, with the mail being extra slow due to Corona virus staff changes, it is a VERY good idea to have spare ink stashed at home. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A radio DJ was introducing a record. "This next one," he said, "is for Charlotte Burke, who is a hundred and eleven. Hey, Charlotte, congratulations on a ripe old age!" There was a short pause and then the DJ said in a somewhat more subdued voice, "I'm sorry, I got it wrong. This next one is for Charlotte Burke, who is ill." ____________________________________________ Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium." "Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine. Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?" "Absolutely not," he said. "How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not." "Season's more than half over," he said. ____________________________________________ A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder." "Well," she said, "I hope you've got a good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning." _______________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today December 19 in 1562 The Battle of Dreux was fought between the Huguenots and the Catholics, beginning the French Wars of Religion. 1732 Benjamin Franklin began publishing "Poor Richard's Almanac." 1777 General George Washington led his army of about 11,000 men to Valley Forge, PA, to camp for the winter. 1842 Hawaii's independence was recognized by the U.S. 1843 Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" was first published in England. 1871 Corrugated paper was patented by Albert L. Jones. 1887 Jake Kilrain and Jim Smith fought in a bare knuckles fight which lasted 106 rounds and 2 hours and 30 minutes. The fight was ruled a draw and was halted due to darkness. 1903 The Williamsburg Bridge opened in New York City. It opened as the largest suspension bridge on Earth and remained the largest until 1924. It was also the first major suspension bridge to use steel towers to support the main cable. 1907 A coalmine explosion in Jacobs Creek, PA, killed 239 workers. 1917 The first games of the new National Hockey League (NHL) were played. Five teams made up the league: Toronto Arenas, Ottawa Senators, Quebec Bulldogs, the Montreal Canadiens and the Montreal Wanderers. 1918 Robert Ripley began his "Believe It or Not" column in "The New York Globe". 1932 The British Broadcasting Corp. began transmitting overseas with its "Empire Service" to Australia. 1957 Meredith Wilsons "The Music Man" opened at the Majestic Theatre in New York City. It ran for 1,375 shows. 1957 Air service between London and Moscow was inaugurated. 1959 Walter Williams died in Houston, TX, at the age of 117. He was said to be the last surviving veteran of the U.S. Civil War. 1972 Apollo 17 splashed down in the Pacific, ending the Apollo program of manned lunar landings. 1973 Johnny Carson started a fake toilet-paper scare on the "Tonight Show." 1978 Indira Gandhi was expelled from the Lok Sabha for contempt and imprisoned. 1979 ESPN televised its first NHL game. The teams were the Washington Capitals and the Hartford Whalers. 1984 Wayne Gretzky, 23, of the Edmonton Oilers, became only the 18th player in the National Hockey League (NHL) to score more than 1,000 points. 1984 Britain and China signed an accord returning Hong Kong to Chinese sovereignty on July 1, 1997. 1989 U.S. troops invaded Panama to overthrow the regime of General Noriega. 1996 The school board of Oakland, CA, voted to recognize Black English, also known as "ebonics." The board later reversed its stance. 1998 U.S. President Bill Clinton was impeached on two charges of perjury and obstruction of justice by the U.S. House of Representatives. 1998 A four-day bombing of Iraq by British and American forces ended. 2000 The U.N. Security Council voted to impose sanctions on Afghanistan's Taliban rulers unless they closed all terrorist training camps and surrender U.S. embassy bombing suspect Osama bin Laden. 2003 Images for the new design for the Freedom Tower at the World Trade Center site were released. The building slopes into a spire that reaches 1,776 feet. 2008 U.S. President George W. Bush signed a $17.4 billion rescue package of loans for ailing auto makers General Motors and Chrysler. 2020 Do smiled. |
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