Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, November 1 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! ____________________________________________________ Today, November 1 in 1979 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini urged all Iranians to demonstrate on November 4 and to expand their attacks against the U.S. and Israel. On November 4, Iranian militants seized the U.S. embassy in Tehran and took 63 Americans hostage. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Drunk driver, 32, who killed two and injured seven when he plowed into cyclists at a Mardi Gras parade is given 91 years in prison _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ I stand by all the misstatements that I've made. --- Dan Quayle (1947 - ), _______________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for these: HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS (Actual notes from hospital charts) 1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a week. 6. On the second day the knee felt better and on the third day it disappeared. 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly, also appears to be depressed. 8 The patient has been depressed since she began s eeing me in 1999. 9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. 10. Healthy appearing decrepit 80-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 12. She is numb from her toes down. 13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. 14. The skin was moist and dry. 15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 22 The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 23. Skin: somewhat pale but present. 24. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. 25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. ________________________________________________` ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tashonty Toney, 32, in jail Drunk driver, 32, who killed two and injured seven when he plowed into cyclists at a Mardi Gras parade is given 91 years in prison A man who killed two and injured seven after drunkenly slamming his car into a group of bicyclists following a New Orleans Mardi Gras parade in March has been sentenced to 91 years in prison. Tashonty Toney, 32, pleaded guilty Monday to two counts of vehicular homicide with a blood-alcohol concentration above 0.20 in the deaths of Sharree Walls, 27, and David Hynes, 31, as well as 14-counts of hit-and-run. Just before State Judge Laurie White announced his sentence, for the first time, Toney stood in the courtroom and told the friends and families of his victims that he was sorry for what he did. However, White admonished Toney and said he didn't believe his claims of remorse, handing him an effective life sentence of 91 years behind bars. 'While your words sound like that you are sorry, I don't think that your actions meet your words,' Orleans Parish Criminal District Court Judge White said. The judge's opinion was swayed largely by Assistant District Attorney Jason Napoli revealing that Toney was recorded on a jailhouse phone call laughing after hearing gut-wrenching victim-impact testimony on Monday. Toney's sister also referred to Walls' parents, who are black, with a racial slur after her mother pleaded with the judge to impart the maximum possible sentence against her brother. During the hearing, police revealed how Toney rampaged through the Esplanade bike lane at 80mph in his Chevrolet Camaro on the night of March 2, smashing through two groups of cyclists before abandoning his car and attempting to flee on foot. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Which cloud Dear Webby, Can you recommend a "cloud" backup system. Microsoft's OneDrive isn't working for me. What do you use? Thanks. Bill Dear Bill I agree re Microspft's OneDrive. Since you don't have a web site that you can use, just use DropBox. For the small amount of data you got, you can use the free version. You can even set it up so that whenever you plug your camera chip reader or your camera in, it automatically uploads to DropBox. My dad does that. You have to read the instructions to customize it, but after that it is about as easy as you can get without having a web site. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. >From Eduard Although I had arrived 20 minutes early for my one o'clock doctor's appointment, I watched patient after patient dis- appear into the various rooms. Now, I know things happen, and that more serious issues are typically dealt with first, so I was able to accept that those coming in after me were seen first, But when I was still sitting in the waiting room 1 1/2 hours later, I'd had enough and had become pretty irate. Fortunately, as I got up and went to the receptionist, I calmed down enough to handle it without anger. Instead I calmly said, "I know my son's appointment was for one o'clock. Can you tell me if that was a.m. or p.m.?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
The CIA lost track of one of its operatives, and so calls in one of their top spy hunters. The CIA boss says, "All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he's somewhere in Ireland. If you think you've located him, tell him the code words,'The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning.' If it's really him, he'll answer, 'Yes, and for mist at noon as well.'" So the spy hunter goes to Ireland and stops in the first bar he sees. He says to the bartender, "Maybe you can help me. I'm looking for a guy named Murphy." The bartender replies, "You're going to have to be more specific because, around here, there are lots of guys named Murphy. There's Murphy the Baker, who runs the pastry shop on the next block. There's Murphy the Banker, across the street. There's Murphy the Plumber next door. And, as a matter of fact, my name is Murphy, too." Hearing this, the spy hunter figures he might as well try the code words on bartender, so he says, "The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning." The bartender replies, "Oh, you're looking for Murphy the Spy. He lives on 24 East Broadmoor in Dublin, on the second floor. But,.... from what I hear he's vacationing in Hawaii right now. You'll have to ask Murphy the travel agent to get the phone number of the hotel he's staying at. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Treat Job Hunting as a Job When job hunting, treat it like a full time job. Spend 40 hours a week dedicated to finding a job, whether the time involves resume building, searching online, developing cover letters, or beating the pavement. By Emily from RI ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ After Jane's son fell into the pond yet again and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated Jane sent him to his room and washed and dried his clothes. A little later, Jane heard a commotion in the back yard. She yelled out "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?" There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter." ___________________________________________________ Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on? He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on- this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Then, finally, she asked him, "Now, where are your mittens?" He replied: "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..." ___________________________________________________ When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband asked his wife if she had bought regular or premium gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the engine running so rough." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly. "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband. "It cost the same as always," said the wife. "I bought the usual ten dollars worth." __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, November 1 in 1512 Michelangelo's paintings on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel were first exhibited to the public. 1604 "Othello," the tragedy by William Shakespeare, was first presented at Whitehall Palace in London. 1611 "The Tempest," Shakespeare's romantic comedy, was first presented at Whitehall Palace in London. 1755 At least 60,000 people were killed in Lisbon, Portugal by an earthquake, its aftershocks and the ensuing tsunami. 1765 The British Parliament enacted The Stamp Act in the American colonies. The act was repealed in March of 1766 on the same day that the Parliament passed the Declaratory Acts which asserted that the British government had free and total legislative power of the colonies. That did not go over well either. 1861 Gen. George B. McClellan was made the general-in-chief of the American Union armies. 1864 The U.S. Post Office started selling money orders. The money orders provided a safe way to payments by mail. 1870 The U.S. Weather Bureau made its first meteorological observations using 24 locations that provided reports via telegraph. 1879 Thomas Edison executed his first patent application for a high-resistance carbon filament (U.S. Pat. 223,898). 1894 Russian Emperor Alexander III died. 1904 The Army War College in Washington, DC, enrolled the first class. 1911 Italy used planes to drop bombs on the Tanguira oasis in Libya. It was the first aerial bombing. 1936 Benito Mussolini made a speech in Milan, Italy, in which he described the alliance between Italy and Nazi Germany as an "axis" running between Berlin and Rome. 1949 In Washington, 55 people were killed when a fighter plane hit an airliner. 1950 Two Puerto Rican nationalists tried to assassinate U.S. President Harry Truman. One of the men was killed when they tried to force their way into Blair House in Washington, DC. 1952 The United States exploded the first hydrogen bomb on Eniwetok Atoll in the Marshall Islands. 1954 Algeria began to rebel against French rule. 1959 Jacques Plante, of the Montreal Canadiens, became the first goalie in the NHL to wear a mask. 1963 The USSR launched Polyot I. It was the first satellite capable of maneuvering in all directions and able to change its orbit. 1968 The movie rating system of G, M, R, X, followed by PG-13 and NC-17 went into effect. 1979 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini urged all Iranians to demonstrate on November 4 and to expand their attacks against the U.S. and Israel. On November 4, Iranian militants seized the U.S. embassy in Tehran and took 63 Americans hostage. 1981 The U.S. Postal Service raised the first-class letter rate to 20 cents. 1985 In the village of Ignacio Aldama, 22 members of a Mexican anti-narcotics squad were killed by alleged drug traffickers. 1987 Deng Xiaoping retired from China's Communist Party's Central Committee. 1989 Tens of thousands of refugees fled to the West when East Germany reopened its border with Czechoslovakia. 1989 Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega announced the end of a cease-fire with the Contra rebels. 1993 The European Community's treaty on European unity took effect. 1994 The Amazon.com domain name was registered. 1998 Nicaraguan Vice President Enrique Bolanos announced that between 1,000 and 1,500 people were buried in a 32-square mile area below the slopes of the Casita volcano in northern Nicaragua by a mudslide caused by Hurricane Mitch. 1998 Iridium inaugurated the first handheld, global satellite phone and paging system. 2019 Do smiled. |
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