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| Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, September 12 ___________________________________________________ History on this day, September 12, in 1922, The Episcopal Church removed the word "Obey" from the bride's section of wedding vows. ____________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Margaret Beato Says You Know Me Baby When Asked If DrinkingMore Than Two Times Legal Limit. ____________________________________________________ One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say. --- Will Durant (1885 - 1981) Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age. --- William Feather (1908 - 1976) ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ The following responses were received during a newspaper contest in which contestants from ages 4 to 15 were asked to provide their own "Deep Thoughts" (like those prepared by Jack Handey). * I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? --Age 15 * Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. --Age 13 * It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen's. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends. --Age 8 * Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote. --Age 10 * Home is where your house is. --Age 6 * For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out. --Age 6 * As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up. --Age 7 * Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. --Age 15 * It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood would be right there. --Age 5 * Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the biggest number you could come up with! --Age 6 * The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe "Don't you think it is about time you audited my return?" or "Isn't it morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?" --Age 15 * If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started. --Age 15 ____________________________________________________ After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room. Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking was helping. His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. Sammy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed it, and then cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Dad!" __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Margaret Beato, Boca Raton, Florida, USA Margaret Beato Says You Know Me Baby When Asked If DrinkingMore Than Two Times Legal Limit. A Boca Raton woman allegedly almost ran an unmarked police car and the Street Crimes Agent inside off the road when she made an exceptionally wide turn in the area of Sandalfoot Blvd. and North Branch Road in West Boca Raton. Margaret Beato then ignored the police officer who ordered her to stay in her vehicle. When later asked if she had been drinking, Beato allegedly told the officer, you know me baby. She eventually provided a breath sample that police say revealed a blood or breath alcohol content of .210 more than twice the legal limit of .08. BocaNewsNow.com obtained the arrest report for Margaret Beato. This is part of the report written by the PBSO Street Crimes Agent: I was traveling eastbound on Sandalloot Blvd approaching Seaspray Pl when I observed a blue Chevy sedan with the passenger side headlight inoperable at the stop sign pt Seaspray Pl and Sandalfoot. The vehicle made a right turn to go westbound on Sandalfoot. As the vehicle turned I noticed that the turn was wider than normal as vehicle came Into the eastbound lane, causing me to go off-road to avoid a collision. I made a U-turn and immediately initiated a traffic stop by activating my overhead red and blue lights and siren. The vehicle slowed down and turned northbound onto North Branch Rd. The vehicle then parked in the driveway of 10688 North Branch Rd. A white female immediately exited the driver side of the vehicle. I gave a verbal command to get back in the vehicle by shouting Sheriffs Office stay in the vehicle. The command was ignored as the female attempted to walk toward the residence. I approached the female and informed her again to get back into the vehicle. The female then got back into the vehicle and immediately began to honk the horn to alert someone to come out. I asked for her identification and she handed me her driver license. The female was identified as Margaret Beato. I could smell the odor of an unknown alcoholic beverage emitting from her breath, along with a slurred speech, along with trouble keeping her balance as she was holding onto her vehicle to stand up. I asked Beato if she had been drinking and she replied, you know me baby. Beato proceeded to fail multiple field sobriety tests, according to the arrest report. She was arrested and eventually booked into the Palm Beach County Jail. Shell be in court on October 4th. _____________________________________________________ A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt uneasy, not knowing about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials. "Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing," she said. "So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning machine." _____________________________________________________ 2 buddies in the rain _____________________________________________________ >From Carol Chocolate is a Vegetable ------------------------ Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable. To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food. Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want. If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly. The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot. Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less. If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves. (We're testing this with other snack foods as well.) If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other? Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate. Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done. A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn't that handy? If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you? If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you? _____________________________________________________ Come on out to play! ___________________________________________________ The man says to his hair stylist, "My hair is falling out. What can I use to keep it in?" The stylist replies, "Might I suggest a shoebox?" _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Enna Re: Which is better? Open Office, or Office Libre? Dear Webby, Which is better, Open Office or Office Libre? Enna Dear Enna Both office suites offer document templates, but LibreOffice provides more built-in ready-to-use templates than OpenOffice. Winner: LibreOffice because features such as templates and Wizards appear to be easier to use and access. Overall, however, both have many of the same features and capabilities. For everyday work, it makes no difference. I doubt you will notice any difference if you use one at work and the other one at home. Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ I figured out why they call our language the "Mother Tongue." Fathers never get a chance to use much of it. _____________________________________________________ A man was on a a long walk in the country. He became thirsty so decided to stop at a little cottage and ask for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly. The housewife replied: "Ah, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using." _____________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, September 12, in 1609, English explorer Henry Hudson sailed down what is now known as the Hudson River. 1814, During the War of 1812, the Battle of North Point was fought in Maryland. 1866, "The Black Crook" opened in New York City. It was the first American burlesque show. 1873, The first practical typewriter was sold to customers. 1914, The first battle of Marne ended when the allied forces stopped the German offensive in France. 1916, Adelina and August Van Buren finished the first successful transcontinental motorcycle tour to be attempted by two women. They started in New York City on July 5, 1916. 1918, During World War I, At the Battle of St. Mihiel, U.S. Army personnel operate tanks for the first time. The tanks were French-built. 1922, The Episcopal Church removed the word "Obey" from the bride's section of wedding vows. 1928, Katharine Hepburn made her stage debut in the play "The Czarina." Four years later she made her film debut in "A Bill of Divorcement." 1938, In a speech, Adolf Hitler demanded self-determination for the Sudeten Germans in Czechoslovakia. 1940, The Lascaux paintings were discovered in France. The cave paintings were 17,000 years old and were some of the best examples of art from the Paleolithic period. 1943, During World War II, Benito Mussolini was taken by German paratroopers from the Italian government that was holding him. 1944, U.S. Army troops entered Germany, near Trier, for the first time during World War II. 1953, U.S. Senator John F. Kennedy married Jacqueline Lee Bouvier. 1953, Nikita Krushchev was elected as the first secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union. 1954, "Lassie" made its television debut on CBS. The last show aired on September 12, 1971. 1963, The last episode of "Leave it to Beaver" was aired. The show had debuted on October 4, 1957. 1974, Violence occurred on the opening day of classes in Boston, MA, due opposition to court-ordered school "busing." 1974, Emperor Haile Selassie was taken out of power by Ethiopia's military after ruling for 58 years. 1977, South African anti-apartheid activist Stephen Biko died at the age of 30. The student leader died while in police custody which triggered an international outcry. 1983, Arnold Schwarzenegger became a U.S. citizen. He had emigrated from Austria 14 years earlier. 1991, The space shuttle Discovery took off on a mission to deploy an observatory that was to study the Earth's ozone layer. 1992, Police in Peru captured Shining Path founder Abimael Guzman. 1992, Dr. Mae Carol Jemison became the first African- American woman in space. She was the payload specialist aboard the space shuttle Endeavor. Also onboard were Mission Specialist N. Jan Davis and Air Force Lieutenant Colonel Mark C. Lee. They were the first married couple to fly together in space. And, Mamoru Mohri became the first Japanese person to fly into space. 2009, Steve Jobs announced that Apple's iTunes had 88% of the legal U.S. music download market. 2022 Do! smiled. |
https://metro.co.uk/2022/09/06/ukrainian-pensioner-awarded-medal-after-shooting-down-russian-aircraft-17306308/?ico=zone-post-strip_item_2_news https://metro.co.uk/2022/09/06/dublin-man-accused-of-murdering-siblings-says-no-comment-in-court-17305576/
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