Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, August 24 _____________________________________________________ Today, August 24 in 1456 The printing of the Gutenberg Bible was completed. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: New Jersey Woman Torched Man's Home After 4 AM Booty Call Fizzled _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut after- wards. ---Benjamin Franklin My work is a game, a very serious game. --- M. C. Escher (1898 - 1972) Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet, because you're being had. --- Michael Crichton, Gullible Warming is a good example of that. _______________________________________________ A dinner party of different nationalities had arrived at a restaurant. They each ordered a glass of wine, but when the wine arrived they noticed that each of the glasses had a fly in it. * The Swede demanded to have new wine in the same glass. * The Englishman demanded to have new wine in a new glass. * The Finn picked the fly out of the wine and drank the wine. * The Russian drank the wine, fly and all. * The Chinese ate the fly but left the wine. * The Jew caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese. * The Romanian drank two thirds of the wine and then demanded to have new wine. * The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish for cod. * The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the wine, which he then sold to the Englishman. * The American sued the restaurant and claimed for a 65 million dollar compensation for mental suffering. * The Scotsman grabbed the fly, wrung it out, and drank the wine. ________________________________________________` _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Taija Russell, 29, Woodbury, New Jersey New Jersey Woman Torched Man's Home After 4 AM Booty Call Fizzled A New Jersey woman set fire to a man's home after accepting a booty call invitation only to discover when she arrived that he had fallen asleep, police charge. According to cops, Taija Russell, 29, torched Curtis Stokes's home around 4 AM on August 4. Russell was arrested this week on several felony charges, including attempted homicide, aggravated arson, and aggravated assault. As detailed in a probable cause affidavit, Russell had initially texted Stokes hello, to which he responded, Bring ya ass. But Stokes, 32, told cops that he fell asleep after inviting Russell over and that he later awoke to his house on fire. During a police interview, Stokes referred to Russell as a side chick. Investigators say that when Russell (seen above) arrived at the residence, the snoozing Stokes did not hear her at the front door. He also did not respond to a series of text messages sent by Russell while she was outside his home. In those texts, Russell complained, You wasted my money to come out here. She then allegedly sent a series of threats declaring, U smoked, I see you wanna die, and I swear to god I hope you die." Unable to contact Stokes, cops say, Russell went to a nearby Conoco gas station, where she purchased lighter fluid, matches, and a cigarette lighter. She then returned to the property and allegedly set a fire outside the door. As seen in the below photos, the resulting blaze destroyed the one-story home in Woodbury, a city just south of Camden and Philadelphia. Stokes, who escaped the flames through a window, was transported to a local hospital suffering from burns and smoke inhalation, cops reported. The man's dog was rescued from the home by firefighters. Investigators quickly recognized signs of arson, like the presence of an accelerant, and launched a criminal investigation. Through interviews with Stokes and other witnesses, and a review of surveillance video, cops identified Russell as the alleged perpetrator. Russell was busted Tuesday and booked into the Salem County jail, where she is being held without bail. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Irene Re: Why are Blacklists so bad? Dear Webby, What have you got against blacklists? There must be a reason for them! Irene Dear Irene Nowadays blacklisting spam is obsolete, because spammers either fake the sender address, or use yours forged in as the sender. The only purpose left for blacklists is KNOWN undesirables, like your MIL, or a company you no longer deal with. The real problem is that blacklists sneakily grow in the dark, especially if you set certain criteria to automatically add that address to the Blacklist. For example, if you use a certain drug name as a filter, tell it to dump that mail, and blacklist the sender, then your blacklist will grow like crazy, since the spammers use totally different stolen addresses as the senders. If the spammers use the Millions of addresses they hacked out of a certain credit card company, then suddenly your mom and your daughter are both blacklisted, and you don't know why. In addition to that, a long blacklist will really slow down your machine. It is by far the best to strictly use filters, and retire the blacklist. Try the filters! They are actually a fun game that YOU win and the spammers lose. If you have a challenge, just email or Skype me, and I will make you a filter for that in seconds. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. Anni showed up at the photo shop with an old picture of a former beau wearing a hat, She wanted to know if the photographer could retouch the photo and remove the hat from the picture. - He convinced Anni, that it could easily be accomplished, and asked her what side of his head did the man in the picture part his hair on. - Thinking hard for a moment, Anni said, "I forget, but you can see that for yourself when you take off his hat." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
While at the supermarket this weekend, I came across two women talking in the the aisle I was going down. "Harry and I have been together ten years now and he makes me very happy," one said. "So I don't mind buying him what he likes even if it is a litle more expensive." "Well, with my Benny I have no choice. He's just plain fussy," her friend replied. As I passed by their carts I discovered both women were loading their shopping carts with high-priced cat food. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Paying for Home Improvement Projects Whenever you hire someone to do a home improvement project or yard work, never pay the full amount upfront. Get an estimate in writing and pay no more than half up front and then half upon completion. It will insure that the worker is motivated to do the job the way you want it done. thriftyfun.Com Bigger projects need to be broken into progress stages, each with a scheduled progress inspection, so that the contractor can pay for supplies and wages for work completed. Don't take the contractors word over the phone about a stage completion, but actually inspect the work and take pictures, before releasing a progress payment. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ | | Extraordinary places reclaimed by nature. |
___________________________________________________ I learned a lesson in marketing from a man who bought an old boat, a trailer and a motor from me. "Thanks," he said as he loaded them up. "I'm planning to resell them." Good luck, I thought. I had been trying to get rid of them for months. But when I ran into him a few weeks later, he'd sold everything. "How did you manage that?" I marveled. "I took out an ad: 'Heavy-duty boat trailer with free boat.' When the buyer came to get it, I asked if he had a motor. He said no. I told him I happened to have one in my garage. Bought that, too." ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Donna for this story: Part of my job as a public-health nurse is teaching new parents how to care for their infants. As I was demon- strating how to wrap a newborn, a young Asian couple turned to me and said, "You mean we should wrap the baby like an egg roll?" "Yes," I replied, "that's a good analogy." "I don't know how to make egg rolls," another mother said anxiously. "Can I wrap my baby like a burrito?" ___________________________________________________ The band leader had a drummer who dragged. After remonstrating with him without success the band leader had to fire him. The drummer was so distraught that he went down to the railway station and threw himself behind a train. __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, August 24 in 0079 Mount Vesuvius erupted killing approximately 20,000 people. The cities of Pompeii, Stabiae and Herculaneum were buried in volcanic ash. 0410 The Visigoths overran Rome. This event symbolized the fall of the Western Roman Empire. 1456 The printing of the Gutenberg Bible was completed. 1572 The Catholics began their slaughter of the French Protestants in Paris. The killings claimed about 70,000 people. 1814 Washington, DC, was invaded by Canadians that set fire to what is now the White House and Capitol. The President's building had to be whitewashed after restoration and so became known as "the white house". The Americans stormed North with a far larger army and torched York, Ontario, which became Toronto. 1869 A patent for the waffle iron was received by Cornelius Swarthout. 1891 Thomas Edison applied patents for the kinetoscope and kinetograph (U.S. Pats. 493,426 and 589,168). 1912 A four-pound limit was set for parcels sent through the U.S. Post Office mail system. 1932 Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across the U.S. non-stop. The trip from Los Angeles, CA to Newark, NJ, took about 19 hours. 1949 The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) went into effect. The agreement was that an attack against on one of the parties would be considered "an attack against them all." 1954 The Communist Party was virtually outlawed in the U.S. when the Communist Control Act went into effect. 1959 Three days after Hawaiian statehood, Hiram L. Fong was sworn in as the first Chinese-American U.S. senator while Daniel K. Inouye was sworn in as the first Japanese-American U.S. representative. 1963 John Pennel pole-vaulted 17 feet and 3/4 inches becoming the first to break the 17-foot barrier. 1968 France became the 5th thermonuclear power when they exploded a hydrogen bomb in the South Pacific. 1985 27 anti-apartheid leaders were arrested in South Africa as racial violence rocked the country. 1989 "Total war" was declared by Columbian drug lords against their government. 1989 The U.S. space probe, Voyager 2, sent back photographs of Neptune. 1990 Iraqi troops surrounded foreign missions in Kuwait. 1991 Russian President Mikhail Gorbachev resigned as the head of the Communist Party. 1992 China and South Korea established diplomatic relations. 1995 Microsoft's "Windows 95" went on sale. 1998 U.S. officials cited a soil sample as part of the evidence that a Sudan plant was producing precursors to the VX nerve gas. And, therefore made it a target for U.S. missiles on August 20, 1998. 1998 A donation of 24 beads was made, from three parties, to the Indian Museum of North America at the Crazy Horse Memorial. The beads are said to be those that were used in 1626 to buy Manhattan from the Indians. 2001 In McAllen, TX, Bridgestone/Firestone agreed to settle out of court and pay a reported $7.5 million to a family in a rollover accident in their Ford Explorer. 2001 The remains of nine American servicemen killed in the Korean War were returned to the U.S. The bodies were found about 60 miles north of Pyongyang. It was estimated that it would be a year before the identies of the soldiers would be known. 2001 U.S. District Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly was randomly picked to take over the Microsoft monopoly case. The judge was to decide how Microsoft should be punished for illegally trying to squelch its competitors. 2001 NASA announced that operation of the Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite would end by September 30th due to budget restrictions. Though the satellite is best known for monitoring a hole in the ozone layer over Antarctica, it was designed to provide information about the upper atmosphere by measuring its winds, temperatures, chemistry and energy received from the sun. 2006 The planet Pluto was reclassified as a "dwarf planet" by the International Astronomical Union (IAU). Pluto's status was changed due to the IAU's new rules for an object qualifying as a planet. Pluto met two of the three rules because it orbits the sun and is large enough to assume a nearly round shape. However, since Pluto has an oblong orbit and overlaps the orbit of Neptune it disqualified Pluto as a planet. 2019 Do smiled. |
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