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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida couple, who was arrestred for tasing their kids. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 23, in 1066 The 18th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet took place. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Ric I asked my kid the John the Baptist riddle. His answer was "They both eat honey. " Another riddle: Why did John the Baptist eat wild locusts and honey? Answer: The honey keeps them on the plate. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ >From Barb British humour as it used to be: Absolutely politically incorrect It has been announced that the police are going to be allowed to use water cannons on rioters. They are putting some Tide washing powder in to stop the coloureds from running. ------------------------------------------------------------ Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London. Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam. ------------------------------------------------------------ Riots in Birmingham last month caused over 1 million worth of improvements ----------------------------------------------------------- Muslims have gone on the rampage in Manchester, killing anyone who's English. Police fear the death toll could be as high as 8 or 9. ______________________________________________________ San Marino, Italy >From FB ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joshua Pierre Louis, 28, and Roxanne Paduani, 33 Fort Myers, Floriduh Lehigh Acres parents jailed for using stun gun to discipline children Two Lehigh Acres parents are in Lee County Jail on child abuse charges after detectives said they used a stun gun to discipline their four children. Joshua Pierre Louis, 28, and Roxanne Paduani, 33, were arrested Thursday about 6:15 p.m. by Lee County sheriff's detectives. "They were using it as a tool to deter the children from misbehaving," the sheriff's office report said. "The stun gun inflicted pain compliance on the children and left visible marks on two of the children." The sheriff's office declined to comment on the investigation. The children's ages were not immediately available Friday. Investigators learned about the alleged abuse of the four children when someone called the Florida Abuse Hotline, run by the Department of Children and Families. "The four children have been sheltered and are currently with relatives," she said. According to the arrest report, one of the children informed a DCF child protective investigator that they were being tased as a form of discipline. Paduani told a sheriff's office investigator that the couple owned a handheld stun gun and sparked it to warn one of the children, but denied ever touching children with it. One of the children told a case coordinator with the Children's Advocacy Center that Louis "shocks 'us' with the Taser when we are bad," according to the report. "They described being bad as screaming," the report states. The child then showed the case coordinator scars on their lower left stomach and said they were from being tased. In another instance, one of the children showed investigators marks on their upper right chest and said they were tased there. The child told authorities that Paduani has held the Taser but never used it on them. However, the report indicates, that she knows Louis tases them, but isn't present when it happens. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Gabby Re: Why are ink and toner so expensive? Dear Webby Why are printer cartidges and printer ink so expensive ? Gabby Dear Gabby Ink is not really that expensive. How much does Perrier or Evian water cost in your area ? That's just plain water with a bit of advertising added. I have seen people pay $4.95 for six ounces of that. For plain water! If you go downtown to Staples, you pay $265 for the toner that I get from the link further up for 1/8 of that. If I run out of toner and don't have a spare cartridge in that color, well, then I simply don't print for a few days until they ship me a box of toner. I am not at all complaining about the cost of toner cartridges. They are well packed in sturdy boxes that handle shipping from the manufacturer in China quite nicely. Sure, just like with Perrier or Naive water, the actual manufacturing cost is negligible. The price is determined by how much people are willing to pay. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ >More British humor from Barb Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque... They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside. ============================================ During last night's high winds an African family were killed by a falling tree. A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said "We didn't even know they were living up there". ============================================= Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough television shows with minorities in mind, Crime Watch is being shown 5 times a week now. ============================================= I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony, shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Hamburger Helper 1 lb ground meat (I use turkey) 1 onion, finely chopped 1 1/2 cups water 1 jar your favorite tomato sauce (Prego garlic and onion) pasta - your choice (I like Campanelle) cheese Brown the meat, drain the fat, push to the sides of skillet. Brown the onion in the middle. Then combine meat and onion, add the wet ingredients, add some pasta and simmer until done. Top with grated cheese. I love tons of locatelli. By Judi ______________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
_____________________________________________________ >More British humor from Barb An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in London much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal. It seems that a caller dialed 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah." To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line." ___________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ >From Connie Today at work, the boss wanted to know when Father's Day was. "Easy," I answered. "It's nine months before Mother's Day." ____________________________________________________ Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a attractive young woman asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk." That's fine," replied the woman. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old woman standing beside her. "Grandma will pay the bill," she smiled. ____________________________________________________ | http://biggeekdad.com/2016/03/million-dollar-railroad/ |
| Today on March 23 1026 Konraad II crowned himself king of Italy. 1066 The 18th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet took place. 1490 The first dated edition of Maimonides "Mishna Torah" was published. 1657 France and England formed an alliance against Spain. 1794 Josiah G. Pierson patented a rivet machine. 1806 Explorers Lewis and Clark, reached the Pacific coast, and began their return journey to the east. 1808 Napoleon's brother Joseph took the throne of Spain. 1836 The coin press was invented by Franklin Beale. 1839 The first recorded printed use of "OK" [oll korrect] occurred in Boston's Morning Post. 1840 The first successful photo of the Moon was taken. 1848 Hungary proclaimed its independence of Austria. 1857 Elisha Otis installed the first modern passenger elevator in a public building. It was at the corner of Broome Street and Broadway in New York City. 1858 Eleazer A. Gardner patented the cable streetcar. 1861 London's first tramcars began operations. 1880 John Stevens patented the grain crushing mill. The mill increased flour production by 70 percent. 1881 A gas lamp caused a fire in an opera house in Nice, France. 70 people were killed. 1889 U.S. President Harrison opened Oklahoma for white colonization. 1901 Dame Nellie Melba, revealed the secret of her now famous toast. 1901 It was learned that Boers were starving in British concentration camps in South Africa. 1901 Shots were fired at Privy Councilor Pobyedonostzev, who was considered to be Russia's most hated man. 1902 In Italy, the minimum legal working age was raised from 9 to 12 for boys and from 11 to 15 for girls. 1903 The Wright brothers obtained an airplane patent. 1909 British Lt. Shackleton found the magnetic South Pole. 1912 The Dixie Cup was invented. 1917 Austrian Emperor Charles I made a peace proposal to French President Poincare. 1917 In the Midwest U.S., four tornadoes kill 211 people over a four day period. 1918 Lithuania proclaimed independence. 1919 Benito Mussolini founded his Fascist political movement in Milan, Italy. 1921 Arthur G. Hamilton set a new parachute record when he safely jumped from 24,400 feet. 1925 The state of Tennessee enacted a law that made it a crime for a teacher in any state-supported public school to teach any theory that was in contradiction to the Bible's account of man's creation. 1932 In the U.S., the Norris-LaGuardia Act established workers' right to strike. 1933 The German Reichstag adopted the Enabling Act. The act effectively granted Adolf Hitler dictatorial legislative powers. 1934 The U.S. Congress accepted the independence of the Philippines in 1945. 1936 Italy, Austria & Hungary signed the Pact of Rome. 1937 The L.A. Railway Co. started using PCC streetcars. 1942 The Japanese occupy the Andaman Islands. 1942 During World War II, the U.S. government began evacuating Japanese-Americans from West Coast homes to concentration camps. 1951 U.S. paratroopers descended from flying boxcars in a surprise attack in Korea. 1956 Pakistan became the first Islamic republic. It was still within the British Commonwealth. 1956 Sudan became independent. 1957 The U.S. Army sold the last of its homing pigeons. 1967 Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. called the Vietnam War the biggest obstacle to the civil rights movement. 1970 Mafia "Boss" Carlo Gambino was arrested for plotting to steal $3 million. 1972 Evel Knievel broke 93 bones after successfully jumping 35 cars. 1980 The deposed shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, left Panama for Egypt. 1981 U.S. Supreme Court upheld a law making statutory rape a crime for men but not women. 1983 U.S. President Reagan first proposed development of technology to intercept enemy missiles. The proposal became known as the Strategic Defense Initiative and "Star Wars." 1989 Joel Steinberg was sentenced to 25 years for killing his adopted daughter. 1989 Two electrochemists, Stanley Pons and Martin Fleischman, announced that they had created nuclear fusion in a test tube at room temperature. 1990 Former Exxon Valdez Captain Joseph Hazelwood was ordered to help clean up Prince William Sound and pay $50,000 in restitution for the 1989 oil spill. 1993 U.N. experts announced that record ozone lows had been registered over a large area of the Western Hemisphere. It was BS. 1996 Taiwan held its first democratic presidential elections. 1998 Germany's largest bank pledged $3.1 million to Jewish foundations as restitution for Nazi looting. 1998 Russian President Boris Yeltsin fired his Cabinet. 1998 The movie "Titanic" won 11 Oscars at the Academy Awards. 1998 The German company Bertelsmann AG agreed to purchase the American publisher Random House for $1.4 billion. The merger created the largest English-language book-publishing company in the world. 1999 NATO Secretary-General Javier Solana gave formal approval for air strikes against Serbian targets. 2001 Russia's orbiting Mir space station plunged into the South Pacific after its 15-years of use. 2016 Do smiled. |
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