Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, January 5 Thank You, Doug! Today's Bonehead Award:  Assault on workers at McDonalds  ______________________________________________________ Today, January 5 in 1914 Ford Motor Company announced that there would be a new daily minimum wage of $5 and an eight-hour workday. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. Anonymous, often attributed to Dan Quayle ______________________________________________________ A listener called the disc jockey on the air at our radio station to ask about the upcoming lunar eclipse. "The eclipse can be seen at 1:30 in the morning," the DJ told her. "That late?" she snapped. "Why can't they schedule these things earlier so kids can enjoy them too?" "We don't want everybody in traffic to stare at the moon instead of watching for you and the kids on the road." ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ ONE DAY after a heavy snowfall, this announcement appeared on the bulletin board in the nurses lounge of my local hospital: "Student nurses will please refrain from ever again using this institution's sterile bedpans for makeshift snow sleds." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ A three-year-old in the congregation regularly watched football games with his father. So much so, that he knew some of the signals the referee makes. On a recent Sunday, as the pastor raised his hands high to offer a blessing, the child interrupted the service by leaping to his feet and shouting, "Touchdown!" ______________________________________________________   Is he groping her front or her back? _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________   An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Daniel Taylor, 40, St Petersburg, Floriduh  Assault on workers at McDonalds  Assault at McDonalds The customer seen in a viral video accosting a female McDonald's employee allegedly kicked a second worker in the stomach as he was being escorted out of the Florida restaurant on New Year's Eve, according to police who arrested him on a pair of battery charges. Daniel Taylor, 40, was in the St. Petersburg restaurant around 7 PM Monday when he reached across the front counter and grabbed worker Yasmine James by the collar and jerked her forward. Yasmine is much shorter than Taylor. A video of the incident, seen above, shows James punching Taylor in an attempt to loosen his grip. After letting go of James, Taylor snaps his fingers at a McDonald's manager and says, Excuse me, sir. Gimme a refund. When James later reappears at the counter, Taylor says, And I want her ass fired right now. As alleged in court filings, as Taylor was being escorted out of the restaurant by McDonald's management, he kicked worker Tateona Bell in the stomach as she was standing near the exit door. The confrontation, cops says, was captured on video. Seen above, Taylor was arrested on two misdemeanor battery counts and booked into the Pinellas County jail (where he remains locked up in lieu of $1000 bond). A judge has ordered him to stay away from McDonald's and have no contact with James or Bell. Taylor, listed as a transient in arrest affidavits, may have been under the influence of alcohol during his McDonald's meltdown, cops reported. Taylor's rap sheet includes convictions for lewd and lascivious behavior, passing bad checks, driving without a license, and failure to appear in court. Chances are good that Taylor will get tuned up in jail by McDonalds customers, who don't like it when boneheads assault young McDonalds workers.  
 From: Teddie Re: Why is a laser so slow?  Dear Webby, Why does it take so much time before a Laser printer starts printing? I need one for the counter, because those ridiculous ink squirters are too expensive to operate, and they break down in half a year. Teddie  Dear Teddie Lasers use a toner, which is basically a powder made from hard wax, magnetic powder and color pigment. The built in magic deposits the dry powder exactly where it needs to be, and then the hot fuser roller melts the toner so that it flows into the paper. What takes time is to heat up that fuser roller. If you print again in a few minutes, it will still be hot and won't take long to get to the right operating temperature. Have FUN! DearWebby  
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 After my fifth-graders studied the history of the Alamo, I gave them a test with this bonus question: "What was the famous battle cry that later helped spur on independence for Texans?" One student's response: "Remember the alimony!" 
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 When I was a child, I remember my Mom telling me, "Son, when you grow up, you can marry any girl you please." When I became a young man, I learned the sad fact was that I could not please many of them. Actually, I STILL have that problem! ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Thawing Frozen Locks  If a lock outside has stopped working in cold weather, it might be frozen. Try heating it with a hair dryer until you are able to turn the key. You can also heat the key with a lighter or match before using. Be careful as the key will get hot. Thriftyfun.com If it is your car lock, a zip-lock baggie filled with hot coffee and held against the lock for 60 seconds, will thaw it out quite nicely, without burning your fingers. DearWebby   ____________________________________________________   
 
 
How the Smithsonian Helped Sleuth Out the True Identity of a Pair of Dorothy's Ruby Slippers 
 ___________________________________________________ SITTING IN HIS CAB waiting for a fare, my friend's husband, William, watched as a torrential downpour left lake-size puddles just off the curb of the busy street. Then the back door opened and a customer got in. As William asked the destination, the would-be passenger exited through the other door, successfully avoiding the puddles. "Thanks," she said. "Chivalry isn't dead after all." ___________________________________________________ >From Mary I HAVE a reputation at work for being a strict boss. One day I was in the break room with another manager. I reached into the refrigerator for my lunch, which was packed in an Ace Hardware paper bag. My co-worker stopped mid-bite and stared at me, looking a little tense. When I pulled my sandwich out of the bag, he sighed in relief. "What's the matter?" I asked him. "Uh, nothing," he replied, "I was beginning to think you really do eat nails for lunch." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 MY 50-SOMETHING friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access the popular "Ask Jeeves" site, and we told her it could answer any question she had. Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom. Think of something to ask it." As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's mother thought a minute, then responded, "Did Aunt Helen go to Heaven or to Hell?" ___________________________________________________  
 Today January 5 in 1781 Richmond, VA, was burned by a British naval expedition led by Benedict Arnold. 1885 The Long Island Railroad Company became the first to offer piggy-back rail service which was the transportation of farm wagons on trains. 1896 It was reported by The Austrian newspaper that Wilhelm Roentgen had discovered the type of radiation that became known as Roentgen Rays in Europe and as X-rays in America. 1900 In Ireland, Nationalist leader John Edward Redmond called for a revolt against British rule. 1903 The general public could use the Pacific cable for the very first time. 1914 Ford Motor Company announced that there would be a new daily minimum wage of $5 and an eight-hour workday. 1925 Mrs. Nellie Taylor Ross was sworn in as the governor of Wyoming She was the first female governor in the U.S. 1933 In California, construction of the Golden Gate Bridge began. 1944 The London "Daily Mail" was the first transoceanic newspaper to be published. 1948 Warner Brothers-Pathe showed the very first color newsreel. The footage was of the Tournament of Roses Parade and the Rose Bowl football classic. 1956 In the Peanuts comic strip, Snoopy walked on two legs for the first time. 1972 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon ordered the development of the space shuttle. 1987 U.S. President Ronald Reagan underwent prostate surgery. 1993 The state of Washington executed Westley Allan Dodd. It was America's first legal hanging since 1965. Dodd was an admitted child sex killer. 1996 Yahya Ayyash, a member of the Hamas in Israel, is killed by a booby-trapped cellular phone. 1998 U.S. Representative Sonny Bono died in skiing accident. 2002 A 15 year-old student pilot, Charles Bishop, crashed a small plane into a building in Tampa, FL. Bishop was about to begin a flying lesson when he took off without permission and without an instructor. 2018 Do smiled. 
 

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