Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, August 18 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! ___________________________________________________ Bonehead award Juvenile arrested after massive Tempe drug bust ___________________________________________________ Q A cult is a religion with no political power. --- Tom Wolfe (1931 - ) A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp. --- Joan Rivers (1935 - ) ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ History: 1966, The first pictures of earth taken from moon orbit were sent back to the U.S. ___________________________________________________ Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time, caddy. It's rather distracting!" Caddy: "This isn't a watch, sir, its a compass!" ___________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ >From History A bonehead award goes to the family of the late Henry Elrod II who visited a Florida resort, and aparently saw some berries growing on bushes. According to his wife's lawyer the berries appeared tasty to him, and he supposedly ate enough of the berries to be poisoned to death. His family is now suing the resort. The berries are so foul and burningly bitter tasting that normal people spit them out after the first exploring bite, and call the poison control center. Henry, however, must have thought that compared to his wife's cooking they were delicious, or that they were a way to get away from her cooking. She herself didn't eat any Chinaberries and is now suing the resort, the landscaper, and nearly two dozen companies for not hanging warning signs on the trees. The Chinaberry tree is so common in Florida that it is considered a common nuisance weed by the state. Orlando Sentinel ____________________________________________________ A young boy about five or six years was talking on the telephone. As his dad listened on, the youngster told his grandparents dejectedly, "Mom is in the hospital, so the twins and Roxie and Billy and Sally and Max-the-dog and me and Dad are home all alone." ______________________________________________ Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of prunes at the grocery store!" "I doubt that!" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answers and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice President of prunes?" The clerk replies, "Sure, Canned or Dried?" ____________________________________________________ Steve Ellis Indigo Bunting ___________________________________________________ A mother was driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date. "Mommy?" the little girl asked. "How old are you?" "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite.." "Okay", the little girl said. "How much do you weigh?" "Now really!" the mother said. "Those are personal questions and are none of your business." Undaunted, the little girl asked, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?" "That's enough questions, young lady. Honestly!" The exasperated mother walked away as the two friends began to play. "My mom won't tell me anything about herself," the little girl said to her friend. "Well," said the friend, "all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it." Later that night the little girl said to her mother, "I know how old you are. You're 32." The mother was surprised and asked, "How did you find that out?" "I also know that you weigh 140 pounds." The mother was past surprised. She was shocked. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?" "And," the little girl said triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce!" "Really?" the mother asked. "Why?" "Because you got an F in sex." __________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits from: Dominic Re: Why not Skype for 911 Dear Webby I have used Skype for 20 years and found it to be quite reliable. Even when the ISP, Telus, has problems, I can still get through with Skype. What irks me is their warning not to use Skype for emergencies or 911. Why is that? Dominic Dear Dominic Microsoft is scared that there might be a routine malfunction and that you might sue them. Originally, that was their main excuse. They used that excuse since DOS 1.2, nd since Windows 1. That is why you don't see Windows in the military. They tried to sneak past that with Windows NT, but some smart fella at the Pentagon read that phrase and promptly scrapped a brand new Destroyer before it ever got out of the harbor. They have not tried that since. In addition to that, when you dial 911 or any emergency number, they see where you are at. That helps them to respond quickly, even if you get cut off before you can tell them where you are at. With Skype, you go over the internet to a common relay number near where you are calling to, and would really confuse them. That common number might be east of them, and you could be in the West. So they refuse to answer. If you can't get to a regular phone, skype somebody, who has one. Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ A young woman, a military dependant, came into the dental clinic with a problem tooth. She had several children and appeared to be quite ready to give birth to another one at almost any moment. It was necessary to use X-rays to locate the source of her problem, so she was conducted to the dental unit with an X-ray machine, and her husband followed. The X-ray technician was lining up the cone of the machine preparatory to making the first exposure, when he noticed that the young woman's husband was standing beyond her, but in a position where he would receive some radiation after it passed through her teeth. Being well trained, the technician stopped and asked the fellow to move to a safer position. "Sir, please step over there. Too much of this radiation will make you sterile." A broad smile appeared on the young woman's face, he eyes grew wide with excitement, and she clapped her hands while saying, "Joe, come here, hold my hand!" ________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock Juvenile, Tempe, Arizona, USA Juvenile arrested after massive Tempe drug bust Many Thousands of dollars worth of drugs were seized from a juvenile suspect on Aug. 2, says the Maricopa County Sheriff's Office. Detectives with the Maricopa County Drug Suppression Task Force served a search warrant in Tempe as part of a continuing investigation into illegal drug trafficking. "One juvenile suspect was taken into custody pursuant to this investigation. He was armed at the time of his contact with Tempe Police and due to their outstanding work, he was unable to access that weapon which preserved the safety of the public, investigators, and the suspect," MCSO said. The following was found and seized, MCSO says: 5 guns: 2 semi-automatic rifles & 3 Glocks 1,319 THC vape carts ($39,570 value) 125 amphetamine pills ($1,250 value) 21 pounds of marijuana flower ($42,000 value) 95 ounces of THC cannabis (includes edibles) ($38,000 value) 9 pounds psilocybin mushrooms ($28,800 value) 650 grams of marijuana pre-rolls ($9,750 value) 27 grams of amphetamine powder 1,080 counterfeit Xanax pills (containing narcotics) ($16,200 value) About $1,679 cash 2 cars Paraphernalia and paperwork Cell phone Miscellaneous gun parts and ammunition __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work, please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today August 18, in 1227, The Mongol conqueror Ghengis Khan died. 1587, Virginia Dare became the first child to be born on American soil of English parents. The colony that is now Roanoke Island, NC, mysteriously vanished. 1735, The "Evening Post" of Boston, MA, was published for the first time. 1840, The American Society of Dental Surgeons was founded in New York City, NY. 1846, Gen. Stephen W. Kearney and his U.S. forces captured Santa Fe, NM. 1894, The Bureau of Immigration was established by the U.S. Congress. 1914, The "Proclamation of Neutrality" was issued by U.S. President Woodrow Wilson. It was aimed at keeping the U.S. out of World War I. 1916, Abraham Lincoln's birthplace was made into a national shrine. 1919, The "Anti-Cigarette League of America" was formed in Chicago IL. 1920, Tennessee ratified the 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. The Amendment guaranteed the right of all American women to vote. 1937, The first FM radio construction permit was issued in Boston, MA. The station went on the air two years later. 1938, The Thousand Islands Bridge was dedicated by U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The bridge connects the U.S. and Canada. 1940, Canada and the U.S. established a joint defense plan against the possible enemy attacks during World War II. 1958, Vladimir Nabokov's novel "Lolita" was published. 1963, James Meredith graduated from the University of Mississippi. He was the first black man to accomplish this feat. 1966, The first pictures of earth taken from moon orbit were sent back to the U.S. 1981, Herschel Walker of the University of Georgia took out an insurance policy with Lloyds of London. The all-American was insured for one million dollars. 1990, The first shots were fired by the U.S. in the Persian Gulf Crisis when a U.S. frigate fired rounds across the bow of an Iraqi oil tanker. 1991, An unsuccessful coup was attempted against President Mikhail S. Gorbachev. The Soviet hard-liners were responsible. Gorbechev and his family were effectively imprisoned for three days while vacationing in Crimea. 1997, Beth Ann Hogan became the first coed in the Virginia Military Institute's 158-year history. 1998, Mrs. Field's Original Cookies announced that they would acquire the Great American Cookie Co. 2004, Donald Trump unveiled his board game (TRUMP the Game) where players bid on real estate, buy big ticket items and make billion-dollar business deals. 2023, Do smiled.
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