Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, October 8 home4christmas.com is for sale! Make an offer! $50 minimum. You can use it for anything you want. Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award: Another rape by 'repeat' illegal alien ______________________________________________________ Today, October 8 in 1950 U.N. forces crossed into North Korea from South Korea. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can. --- Margo Kaufman ______________________________________________________ A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning." ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two boys are playing hockey on the pond on Boston Common, when one is attacked by a vicious Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy took his hockey stick and managed to wedge it down the dog's collar and twist, luckily breaking the dog's neck and stopping its attack. A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Bruins Fan Saves friend from Vicious Animal..." he starts writing in his notebook. "But, I'm not a Bruins Fan," the little hero replied. "Sorry, since we're in Boston, I just assumed you were," said the reporter and starts again. "Red Sox Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific attack..." he continued writing in his notebook. "I'm not a Red Sox fan either!" The boy said. "I assumed everyone in Boston was either for the Bruins or the Red Sox. So, what team do you root for?" the reporter asked. "I'm a Yankees fan!" the child beamed. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes: "Little Bastard from New York Murders Beloved Family Pet." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A woman in her late forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob", where a small knob is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob." Fifteen years later, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. "All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems. First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them." The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts." She said, "Well, I guess that explains the goatee." ______________________________________________________ Happy Thanksgiving! _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ever Martinez-Reyes, 24, Illegal from El Salvador Another rape by 'repeat' illegal alien Ever Martinez-Reyes, 24, from El Salvador, was ordered held without bail Saturday on rape, sexual assault and assault charges after allegedly following a woman home and knocking her out, Fox News reported. "When he assaulted her and knocked her out, he then proceeded to rape her", Nassau Police Commissioner Patrick Ryder said. "She woke up and he knocked her out again and viciously continued to assault her". Martinez-Reyes had previously been deported and reentered the U.S. illegally again in 2014. From: Grandma Buttercup Re: Solve WiFi Problem Dear Webby, I would like to offer my advice to the person having trouble with the wifi in hotels. I too had that problem and I travel quite a bit, until I called the technician for the wifi service. I have a Sony Vaio and did not know there is a tiny button on the side front that has to be turned on for wifi to work. Haven't had a problem since. Grandma Buttercup Thanks Grandma Buttercup! Let's hope that will do the trick for Nofries! Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly." On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?" "Yes" the mother answered. "And how is your son now?" he asked. "I don't know and I don't care." she replied. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Anna gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to economy because she doesn't have a first class ticket. Anna replies, "I'm beautiful, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she says, "I'm beautiful, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The stewardesses don't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the co-pilot. The co-pilot goes up to Anna and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the economy section. The head stewardess asks the co-pilot what he said to get her to move. The co-pilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't stopping in Jamaica". ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Costume: Bag Of Garbage Cut holes in the bottom of a large garbage bag for legs and two holes in the side of the bag for arms. Your head will stick out the top of the bag. Fill it with crumpled newspaper until it looks like a full garbage bag and tape it closed Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Take a guess as to what these knobbly balls were used for. It's a mystery to me! |
___________________________________________________ A little Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall for the first time. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father. "What is this, Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is". While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again, and a beautiful 24 year-old woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly "Son, go get your Mother." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
| Today October 8 in 1895 The Berliner Gramophone Company was founded in Philadelphia, PA. 1915 During World War I, the Battle of Loos concluded. 1918 U.S. Corporal Alvin C. York almost single-handedly killed 25 German soldiers and captured 132 in the Argonne Forest in France. York had originally tried to avoid being drafted as a conscientious objector. After this event he was promoted to sergeant and was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor. 1919 The first transcontinental air race in the U.S. began. 1945 U.S. President Truman announced that only Britain and Canada would be given the secret to the atomic bomb. Canada never built an atomic bomb, because they figured that the Canadian Government was so screwed up, that nobody would dare attack Canada. They were right. 1950 U.N. forces crossed into North Korea from South Korea. 1952 "The Complete Book of Etiquette" was published for the first time. 1966 The U.S. Government declared that LSD was dangerous and an illegal substance. That made all the Hippies want to try it. 1970 Soviet author Alexander Solzhenitsyn won the Nobel Prize for literature. 1981 U.S. President Reagan greeted former Presidents Carter, Ford and Nixon to the White House. The group was preparing to leave for Egypt to attend the funeral of Anwar Sadat. 1982 In Poland, all labor organizations, including Solidarity, were banned. 1991 A slave burial site was found by construction workers in lower Manhattan. The "Negro Burial Ground" had been closed in 1790. Over a dozen skeletons were found. 1993 The U.S. government issued a report absolving the FBI of any wrongdoing in its final assault in Waco, TX, on the Branch Davidian compound. The fire that ended the siege killed as many as 85 people. 1998 Taliban forces attacked Iranian border posts. Iran said that three border posts were destroyed before the Taliban forces were forced to retreat. The Taliban of Afghanistan denied the event occurred. 1998 Canada and Netherlands were voted into the U.N. Security Council. 2001 Two Russian cosmonauts made the first spacewalk to be conducted outside of the international space station without a shuttle present. 2002 A federal judge approved U.S. President George W. Bush's request to reopen West Coast ports, to end a caustic 10-day labor lockout. The lockout was costing the U.S. economy an estimated $1 billion to $2 billion a day. 2003 China announced that it would have a human crew orbit the Earth briefly on October 15. 2003 Vietnam and the United States reached a tentative agreement that would allow the first commercial flights between the two countries since the end of the Vietnam War. 2003 It was announced that Vivendi Universal and General Electric Co. had reached an agreement to merge. The name for the combined company was NBC Universal. 2003 Siegfried Fischbacher and his manager announced that the "Siegfried and Roy" show at the Mirage was canceled permanently. It was also said that if Roy Horn survived, after a tiger attack on October 3, the duo would continue to work together. 2004 The first-ever direct presidential elections were held in Afghanistan. 2018 Do smiled. |
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