Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, Aug 31 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Shootout injures Globe Police officer; suspect arrested ___________________________________________________ Today, Sept 31 in 1962 The Caribbean nations Tobago and Trinidad became independent within the British Commonwealth. ____________________________________________________ Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. [info][add][mail][note]John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006) ____________________________________________________ There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Tim Alley's Grocery Store. The owner Tim doesn't know what Junior's problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always takes the nickel, they say, because it's bigger. One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, Tim got him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?" ... Junior said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd quit doing it!" ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Nancy, a city girl, married a farmer. One morning, before the farmer went out to the field, he said, "Honey, today the artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of the cows. I put a nail in a two-by-four over the stall. Please show him which one it it is." When he arrived, Nancy led him down the row of stalls until she saw the nail. She pointed to the stall and he asked her, "Are you sure?" "It's the one with the nail," said Nancy. "What's the nail for?" asked the man. "I guess it's to hang your pants on," replied Nancy. ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Perry Roy Tonto, 30, San Carlos, Arizona, USA Shootout injures Globe Police officer; suspect arrested A Globe Police officer is recovering after being struck by gunfire in a shootout with a suspect who was also struck on Friday afternoon, the department said. Just before 5 p.m., Globe Police Commander A.J. Castaneda, Jr. said the department got a call from someone who said they dropped an intoxicated and armed man off near Century and Lyndsay drives who was making threats toward law enforcement. Globe Police officers and deputies with the Gila County Sheriff's Office responded to the area but they didn't find the suspect. Soon after they got a second 911 call from someone saying there was an armed man in their backyard. Officers then found the man who was reportedly hiding behind storage sheds in an empty lot. "As officers exited their vehicles to make contact, the male began firing on officers. A brief exchange of gunfire took place between the officers and the male subject," Castaneda said. One officer was hit, but is going to be OK and is recovering at a local hospital. The suspect was also struck but has since been released from the hospital and was arrested. The suspect, Perry Roy Tonto, 30, of San Carlos, Arizona, was booked into the Gila County Jail on suspicion of attempted homicide of a law enforcement officer, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, endangerment and prohibited possession of a weapon. Arizona's Department of Public Safety is investigating the officer-involved shooting. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Wendy Re: Lost icons Dear Webby, it's the pest again! The problem to-days question was about, the Windows Start Up Repair is my problem too that I've been trying to solve. All my start up programs on the left of my screen are gone. I don't even have the "Start-Up Repair" to click on! I've been trying to get all those programs that used to show up on start up for over 2 months and if I can fix it myself without a repair technician who will charge me big bucks to do what I'm praying I can do for myself. So, wise one - can you help or do I indeed have to send it to the hospital! HA! HA! Thanks for all your help. I've asked about this before but think I didn't spell it out quite right. Cheers, Gwen Dear Gwen The "Start-Up-Repair is ONLY for when Windows won't start at all. Unfortunately Windoze is quite schizophrenic about the icons. At times they mean the native icons like Recycle bin, and call them desktop icons. At other times of the moon they do refer to the icons of programs, like Edge, Chrome, etc, like you and I do. I emailed you the 6 most popular methods for getting your icons back. Now you know why Melissa kicked Bill Gates out. And you know, why I bought a REFURB W7. My Furby has never done stupid shit like that. You can print out my letter, bake a nice chocolate cake or Sacher Torte, and tell your grand kids that they wo't get single bite beore your icons are back. Sacher Torte is just a high quality chocolate cake with two TBSP Sour Cream in the dough, and when baked, sliced horizontally and a mix of Apricot Jam thinned down with a TBSP brandy, smeared beween the layers. They will volunteer for all kinds of chores after that! Have FUN! 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_____________________________________________ What's the definition of an optimist? An liberal arts major with a beeper. ____________________________________________ Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through. So she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said "Oh, am I driving?" ____________________________________________ There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Tim Alley's Grocery Store. The owner Tim doesn't know what Junior's problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always takes the nickel, they say, because it's bigger. One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, Tim got him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?" Junior said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd quit doing it!" ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, August 31, in 1823 Ferdinand VII was restored to the throne of Spain when invited French forces entered Cadiz. The event is known as the Battle of Trocadero. 1852 The first pre-stamped envelopes were created with legislation of the U.S. Congress. 1881 The first tennis championships in the U.S. were played. 1887 The kinetoscope was patented by Thomas Edison. The device was used to produce moving pictures. 1920 The first news program to be broadcast on radio was aired. The station was 8MK in Detroit, MI. 1920 John Lloyd Wright was issued a patent for "Toy-Cabin Construction," which are known as Lincoln Logs. 1935 The act of exporting U.S. arms to belligerents was prohibited by an act signed by U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. 1946 Superman returned to radio on the Mutual Broadcasting System after being dropped earlier in the year. 1962 The Caribbean nations Tobago and Trinidad became independent within the British Commonwealth. 1964 California officially became the most populated state in America. 1980 Poland's Solidarity labor movement was born with an agreement signed in Gdansk that ended a 17-day strike. 1989 Great Britain's Princess Anne and Mark Phillips announced that they were separating. The marriage was 16 years old. 1990 U.N. Secretary-General Javier Perez de Cuellar met with the Iraqi Foreign Minister Tariq Aziz to try and negotiate a solution to the crisis in the Persian Gulf. 1990 East and West Germany signed a treaty that meant the harmonizing of political and legal systems. 1991 Uzbekistan and Kirghiziz declared their independence from the Soviet Union. They were the 9th and 10th republics to announce their plans to secede. 1991 In a "Solidarity Day" protest hundreds of thousands of Communist union members marched in Washington, DC. 1993 Russia withdrew its last soldiers from Lithuania. 1994 A cease-fire was declared by the Irish Republican Army after 25 years of bloodshed in Northern Ireland. 1994 Russia officially ended its military presence in the former East Germany and the Baltics after a half-century. 1998 A ballistic missile was fired over Japan by North Korea. The missile landed in stages in the waters around Japan. There was no known target. 2021 Do smiled. |
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