Good Morning, Do, Today is Tuesday, March 13 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Mom Fights Off and pulls Man Trying to Steal Truck With Her Child Inside out of the truck. He ran but got caught by bicycle cops. Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, March 13 in 1519 Cortez landed in Mexico. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Life is too short for traffic. --- Dan Bellack Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new. --- Henry David Thoreau _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it. Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil. The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: "Put two drops in R ear every four hours." ______________________________________________________ A young man was having some money problems, and needed $200 to get his car fixed and road-worthy again. But had run out of people to borrow from. So, he calls his parents via the operator, and reverses the charge and says to his dad, "I need to borrow two hundred dollars." At the other end, his father says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, son, I think there may be a bad line." The boy shouts, "Two hundred. I need two hundred dollars!" "Sorry, I still can't hear you clearly," says his father. The operator cuts in, "Sorry to butt in, but I can hear him perfectly." The father says, "Oh, good. Then YOU can send him some money!" Click. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ You Know You're a Redneck When 1.---The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse. 2.---You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 3.---You're been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 4.---You think a woman who is "out-of-your-league" bowls on a different night. 5.---Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people." 6.---You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. 7.---Anyone in your family ever died right after saying: "Hey, watch this." 8.---You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. 9.---Your junior prom had a daycare. 10.---Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. 11.---You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are: "Gentlemen, start your engines." 12.---You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. 13.---The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it. 14.---You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. 15.---One of your kids was born on a pool table. 16.---You need one more hole punched in your cards to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. 17.---You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. 18.---You think "loaded dishwasher" means your wife is drunk. 19.---Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. 20.---Your front porch collapses and kills more than one dog. 21.---You had to change churches because the new preacher works as game warden / taxidermist during the week. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by DeShawn Jackson, 23, Bremerton, Washington Mom Fights Off and pulls Man Trying to Steal Truck With Her Child Inside out of the truck. He ran but got caught by bicycle cops. Surveillance video shows the moment a Washington state mother fought off a man trying to steal a pickup truck with her 2-year-old inside on Wednesday, March 7. The woman was walking around the truck when a shirtless man passing by jumped to the driver's seat. The woman managed to open the door of the truck just as it started to move. She struggled with the man. He punched her. The truck drove on a sidewalk and hit a short concrete wall. The man got out and ran away. Police were called to the scene on Elizabeth Avenue in Bremerton and bicycle officers in the area started to chase the suspect, identified as 23-year-old DeShawn Jackson, Q13 Fox reported. Jackson led the officers on a several-block chase during which he attempted to steal another vehicle and hide inside a home. He was arrested and faces charges of robbery, kidnapping, burglary, felony harassment, theft of a motor vehicle, assault, and hit and run. After the arrest, Jackson told officers he smoked synthetic marijuana. There were no reports of an injury of the 2-year-old. Jackson has a lengthy criminal history, including a 2014 conviction for punching, choking, and kicking his girlfriend. What a hero! Getting beat up and drug out of a truck by a young woman, then chased and caught by bicycle cops. They will still be laughing in jail by the time he finishes serving his 10 years. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lee Re: Windows Media Player Dear Webby I have used VLC Media Player as a Window's video viewer however lately I find it becomes "pixelated"(?) frequently. Is there a better app. Lee Dear Lee I still use the regular Microsoft Media Player, even though Microsoft claims that they don't support it for W7 PRO 64. It still seems to work OK. You can download it at https://media-player- classic.en.softonic.com/download You can also get a new version of VLC there. Since your VLC USED to work OK, it might be that your machine is short on available RAM. Hit CTRL SHIFT ESC for the task manager. Click on the s econd tab: Processes If you see any that are over 500.000 K, highlight them and click on END this task, especially if it is a browser. The machine will run a lot better after that. Have FUN! DearWebby What is the penalty for bigamy? Two mother-in-laws. Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Tech support people like me spend our days on the phone with customers. Many like to chat while waiting for their computers to reboot. One man told me he'd been a long-haul truck driver. I'd love to drive a big rig," I said, "but I'd worry about falling asleep at the wheel." "Here's a tip to stay awake," he offered. "Put a $100 bill in your left hand and hold it out the window." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Deep in the woods of Tennessee on a country road, a speeder hit and killed a dog. The dog's owner stood nearby, a long rifle in his hand. The speeder looks at the owner sheepishly and says, "Looks as if I killed your dog." "Sure does." I'm sorry. Was it a valuable dog?" "I wouldn't say that." "Well, suppose I gave you a hundred dollars. Would that be enough?" "Well, I don't know." "Two hundred dollars. That should do it." "Sounds good." The speeder reached into his pocket and came up with the money. Pressing it into the man's hand, he said, "I'm sorry I spoiled your plans to go hunting." "I wasn't going hunting. I was heading out to the woods to put that that mangy mutt out of his misery." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cookware for a Glass Top Stove The same as any other stove. Cast iron, Revereware, teflon , it doesn't matter. They all work just fine on a glass-top stove. By Dusty Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Ann for this story: An observant woman died one day, and found herself waiting in the long line for judgment. As she stood there, she noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the pearly gates into heaven. Others, though, were led over to Satan, who threw them into the burning pit. But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul into a small pile off to one side. After watching Satan do this several times, the woman's curiosity got the best of her. So she strolled over to find out what the devil he was doing. "Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," she said. "I'm waiting my turn for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering, why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?" "Ah, those..." Satan said with a groan. "They're all from Vancouver or Seattle. They're too wet to burn!" | Best of the week of "People are Awesome!" |
___________________________________________________ Father teaching his daughter to drive: "Stop on red, go on green, and take it easy when I turn purple." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, March 13 in 0483 St. Felix III began his reign as Pope. 0607 The 12th recorded passage of Halley's Comet occurred. 1519 Cortez landed in Mexico. 1639 Harvard University was named for clergyman John Harvard. 1660 A statute was passed limiting the sale of slaves in the colony of Virginia. 1777 The U.S. Congress ordered its European envoys to appeal to high- ranking foreign officers to send troops to reinforce the American army. 1781 Sir William Herschel discovered the planet Uranus. 1852 The New York "Lantern" newspaper published the first "Uncle Sam cartoon". It was drawn by Frank Henry Bellew. 1865 Jefferson Davis signed a bill authorizing slaves to be used as soldiers for the Confederacy. 1877 Chester Greenwood patented the earmuff. 1884 Standard time was adopted throughout the U.S. 1900 In South Africa, British Gen. Roberts took Bloemfontein. 1901 Andrew Carnegie announced that he was retiring from business and that he would spend the rest of his days giving away his fortune. His net worth was estimated at $300 million. 1902 In Poland, schools were shut down across the country when students refused to sing the Russian hymn "God Protect the Czar." 1902 Andrew Carnegie approved 40 applications from libraries for donations. 1908 The people of Jerusalem saw an automobile for the first time. The owner was Charles Glidden of Boston. 1911 The U.S. Supreme Court approved corporate tax law. 1915 The Germans repelled a British expeditionary force attack in France. 1918 Women were scheduled to march in the St. Patrick's Day Parade in New York due to a shortage of men due to wartime. 1925 A law in Tennessee prohibited the teaching of evolution. 1930 It was announced that the planet Pluto had been discovered by scientist Clyde Tombaugh at the Lowell Observatory. 1933 U.S. banks began to re-open after a "holiday" that had been declared by President Roosevelt. 1935 Three-thousand-year-old archives were found in Jerusalem confirming some biblical history. 1940 The war between Russia and Finland ended with the signing of a treaty in Moscow. That did not last. Russia invaded Finland again. 1941 Adolf Hitler issued an edict calling for an invasion of the U.S.S.R. 1942 Julia Flikke of the Nurse Corps became the first woman colonel in the U.S. Army. 1943 Japanese forces ended their attack on the American troops on Hill 700 in Bougainville. 1946 Reports from Iran indicated that Soviet tanks units were stationed 20 miles from Tehran. 1946 Premier Tito seized wartime collaborator General Draja Mikhailovich in a cave in Yugoslavia. 1951 Israel demanded $1.5 billion in German reparations for the cost of caring for war refugees. 1951 The comic strip "Dennis the Menace" appeared for the first time in newspapers across the country. 1957 Jimmy Hoffa was arrested by the FBI on bribery charges. 1963 China invited Soviet President Khrushchev to visit Peking. 1969 The Apollo 9 astronauts returned to Earth after the conclusion of a mission that included the successful testing of the Lunar Module. 1970 Cambodia ordered Hanoi and Viet Cong troops to leave. 1970 Digital Equipment Corp. introduced the PDP-11 minicomputer. 1974 The U.S. Senate voted 54-33 to restore the death penalty. 1974 An embargo imposed by Arab oil-producing countries was lifted. 1980 A jury in Winamac, IN, found Ford Motor Company innocent of reckless homicide in the deaths of three young women that had been riding in a Ford Pinto. 1990 The U.S. lifted economic sanctions against Nicaragua. 1991 Exxon paid $1 billion in fines and for the clean-up of the Exon Valdez oil spill. 2003 Japan sent a destroyer to the Sea of Japan amid reports that North Korea was planning to test an intermediate-range ballistic missile. 2003 A report in the journal "Nature" reported that scientists had found 350,000-year-old human footprints in Italy. The 56 prints were made by three early, upright-walking humans that were descending the side of a volcano. 2012 After 244 years of publication, Encyclopdia Britannica announced it would discontinue its print edition. 2018 Do smiled. |
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