Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, July 27 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Drunk Texan woman bit off, swallowed chunk of victim's nose Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, July 27 in 1921 Canadian biochemist Frederick Banting and associates announced the discovery of the hormone insulin. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. --- Calvin Trillin (1935 - ) Punctuality is the virtue of the bored. --- Evelyn Waugh (1903 - 1966) Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. --- Jackie Mason (1934 - ) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks for Cookie for bringing back this classic: Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce a year before. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it." Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding." Jennifer just smiled at her mother. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?" The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license plate number!" "That's no help," Bubba replied, "I'm using the license plate I stole off the mayor's truck to cut down on the speeding tickets." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert Kazee 39, London, Kentucky Kentucky man tried fighting deputy A London, Kentucky, man was about to be arrested, but he was determined not to go down without a fight. The Laurel County Sheriffs Office said Deputy Taylor McDaniel responded to a call that Robert Kazee was walking down the road, screaming and causing a disturbance on Green Acres Road, eight miles south of London, about 3:50 p.m. Monday. When McDaniel arrived, Kazee, 39, of London, was still in the road, according to the sheriffs office. McDaniel told Kazee that he was under arrest, and Kazee responded by taking his shirt off and fighting McDaniel. Deputy McDaniel was finally able to get Kazee into his cruiser, but while McDaniel was driving to the jail, Kazee started kicking the windows of the cruiser, so McDaniel had to stop and subdue Kazee, the sheriffs office said. During this time, Kazee assaulted Deputy McDaniel and Major Chuck Johnson, according to the sheriffs office. Kazee was taken to the Laurel County Detention Center. He is charged with two counts of third-degree assault of a police officer, as well as public intoxication, resisting arrest, disorderly conduct and menacing. Tech Support Pits From: A few people Re: Windows start-up sequence Dear Webby How can I re-arrange the start-up sequence for different programs in Windows to get to the mail faster? Dears Messing with the start-up sequence is more of a black art than a clear science. Windows doesn't really start things one at a time, but more like the "But first..." joke from a few days ago. And before all that, it loads parts of Internet Explorer to make magazine testers think MSIE loads faster than Chrome, Firefox or Oprera, when you open a browser. Then it starts loading stuff, but while it is waiting for the hard drive to deliver what it needs for that, it starts loading more stuff. Even though it appears as insane as a Chinese Fire Drill in Vancouver, it does actually finish loading everything in the shortest possible time. If you mess with it, it is probably going to take longer. You can probably get better results if you simply use the Tools in CrapCleaner and dump no longer fashionable utilities and stuff right out of the start-up sequence. You can also get to your mail faster if you reduce the restore period in MailWasher to the minimum. If you don't miss any mail in one day, you are probably not going to root through the spam restore bin a few days later. Also age off the blacklist in 2 days max. Spammers don't use the same forged name twice in a row anyway. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A friend of mine was trying to figure out the best way to break up with her boyfriend. She seemed awfully concerned that he not be angry. "Are you afraid he'll spread lies about you?" I asked. "I don't mind the lies, but if he ever tells the truth, I'll break his bloody neck," she answered. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
The closest to perfection anyone ever comes is when he or she fills out a job application form. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Check the Date When Buying Dairy When buying milk or any dairy product at the grocery store, be sure to check the "use by" or "sell buy" date on the packaging. If the date is not to your liking, grab a carton from the back of shelf. There is no sense is buying products that will go bad before you can use them. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | A Bulgarian Monastery, Rila Monastery "Saint Ivan of Rila" |
___________________________________________________ When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband asked his wife if she had bought prmium or regular gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the engine running so rough." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly. "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband probingly. "It cost the same as always." said the wife. "I told the man to put in the usual ten dollars worth." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
NEW DEFINITIONS Seamstress \seem'-stres\: Describes 250 pounds in a size six. Selfish \sel'-fish\: What the owner of a seafood store does. Subdued \sub-dood'\: Like, a guy, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man. Sudafed \sood'-a-fed\: Bringing litigation against a government official. Arbitrator \ar'-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. Avoidable \uh-voy'-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do. Baloney \buh-lo'-nee\: Where some hemlines fall. Bernadette \burn'-a-det\: The act of torching a bill. Burglarize \bur'-gler-ize\: What a crook sees with. Control \kon-trol'\: A short, ugly inmate. ____________________________________________________ | Today, July 27 in 1214 At the Battle of Bouvines in France, Philip Augustus of France defeated John of England. 1245 Frederick II was deposed by a council at Lyons after they found him guilty of sacrilege. 1663 The British Parliament passed a second Navigation Act, which required all goods bound for the colonies be sent in British ships from British ports. 1689 Government forces defeated the Scottish Jacobites at the Battle of Killiecrankie. 1784 "Courier De LAmerique" became the first French newspaper to be published in the United States. It was printed in Philadelphia, PA. 1777 The marquis of Lafayette arrived in New England to help the rebellious American colonists fight the British. 1778 The British and French fleets fought to a standoff in the first Battle of Ushant. 1866 Cyrus Field successfully completed the Atlantic Cable. It was an underwater telegraph from North America to Europe. 1909 Orville Wright set a record for the longest airplane flight. He was testing the first Army airplane and kept it in the air for 1 hour 12 minutes and 40 seconds. 1914 British troops invaded the streets of Dublin, Ireland, and began to disarm Irish rebels. 1918 The Socony 200 was launched. It was the first concrete barge and was used to carry oil. 1921 Canadian biochemist Frederick Banting and associates announced the discovery of the hormone insulin. 1940 Bugs Bunny made his official debut in the Warner Bros. animated cartoon "A Wild Hare." 1944 U.S. troops completed the invasion of Guam. 1953 The armistice agreement that ended the Korean War was signed at Panmunjon, Korea. 1955 The Allied occupation of Austria ended. 1964 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson sent an additional 5,000 advisers to South Vietnam. 1965 In the U.S., the Federal Cigarette Labeling and Advertising Act was signed into law. The law required health warnings on all cigarette packages. 1967 U.S. President Johnson appointed the Kerner Commission to assess the causes of the violence in the wake of urban rioting. 1974 The U.S. Congress asked for impeachment procedures against President Richard Nixon. 1980 The deposed shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, died in a hospital near Cairo, Egypt. 1995 The Korean War Veterans Memorial was dedicated in Washington, DC, by U.S. President Clinton and South Korean President Kim Young- sam. 1999 The U.S. space shuttle Discovery completed a five-day mission commanded by Air Force Col. Eileen Collins. It was the first shuttle mission to be commanded by a woman. 2003 It was reported by the BBC (British Broadcasting Corp.) that there was no monster in Loch Ness. The investigation used 600 separate sonar beams and satellite navigation technology to trawl the loch. Reports of sightings of the "Loch Ness Monster" began in the 6th century. 2006 Intel Corp introduced its Core 2 Duo microprocessors. 2018 Do smiled. |
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