Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, September 16 Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award: Man Disguised as Woman Caught Filming Victim in Gas Station Bathroom ______________________________________________________ Today, September 16 in 1400 Owain Glyndwr was proclaimed Prince of Wales after rebelling against English rule. He was the last Welsh-born Prince of Wales. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
I know nothing about sex because I was always married. --- Zsa Zsa Gabor (1919 - ) - More quotations on: [Writing] Most of the change we think we see in life is due to truths being in and out of favor. --- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking. --- Alfred Korzybski ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How old are you again?" "I am 78." The man said. "78?" asked the doctor. "How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." the man explained. "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. "I've pretty much lived an outdoor life." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A marketing survey specialist is asking Dan, a southern college kid, some questions about different products he uses. MSS - Which shaving cream do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Which aftershave do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Which deodorant do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Which toothpaste do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Okay, tell me, what is this 'Baba'? Is it an international company? Dan - Heck no. He's my room-mate. ______________________________________________________ From Dad: This one bloomed today _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ >From Ella Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where tests were performed to determine the source of the pain. My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone. I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?" With a scornful look, the nurse turned to me and snapped, "Honey, he's not THAT sick!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shawn Thomas Hallett, 38, Levelland, Texas Man Disguised as Woman Caught Filming Victim in Gas Station Bathroom Police arrested a man wearing a dress and wig after a woman accused him of filming her in the women's bathroom of a Greenville, South Carolina, gas station. Shawn Thomas Hallett, 38, was arrested and charged with voyeurism after authorities received a call from the QuikTrip (QT) gas station on Academy Street near downtown Greenville, Fox Carolina reported. The victim said she was startled when she heard a male voice coming from a stall in which she could only see a pair of women's shoes. Instead of leaving the bathroom, the victim used a different stall. But the woman said the situation escalated when she saw a hand holding a cell phone appear under the stall wall. Police took testimony from several witnesses who said they saw a man dressed as a woman leaving the bathroom. Greenville police found the accused near the gas station, still wearing the wig and women's clothing. Police also said they found a video of the victim on Hallett's cell phone. From: Jay Re: Zoomable fonts Dear Webby I know you have used zoomable fonts for ages, but my webmaster insists that is not necessary if a computer is set up right. Well, my computer is set up the way I like it, and I can hardly read the pages on my company site. How do you make your fonts so that they can be zoomed? What do you suggest. Jay Dear Jay Dear Jay Some people claim to be webmasters, others ARE, and don't care what title you use for them. Using a word Processor and saving a WORD document as a web page is not the same as creating it with HTML. The same goes for kids using FrontPage. Basic stuff looks OK with it, but it's not quite up to standard and will bite you sooner or later. I would recommend that you get somebody who will do your site the way YOU want it, instead of implying that your computer is not set up right. That page you sent me to is useless. When I see something that is too small to read comfortably, and that can't be zoomed to a decent size, I'm out of there and on my way to a competitor. I have a hunch most people browse that way. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. I asked one nurse what the pin signified. "Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the doctors away." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
>From Frieda: When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: "Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'" One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she wash and iron?" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Quick Homemade Waffles I have an eight year old and we're always rushed in the mornings, so I make up a batch of waffles ahead of time and freeze them in individual serving sizes. Then you take them out of the freezer and put them in the toaster and they come out awesome! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Biltmore Estate's Secret Passages |
___________________________________________________ During taxi, the crew of a US Airways departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate lady who had the ground controller's spot at that moment screamed, "US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on 'Charlie' taxiway; you turned right on 'Delta.' Stop right there! I know it's difficult to tell the difference between C's & D's, but get it right!" Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, "You've screwed everything up; it'll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to! Then, I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" The humbled crew responded, "Yes, Ma'am." The ground control frequency went terribly silent; no one wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at La Guardia was running high. Then an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, "Wasn't I married to you once?" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A man walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Vince." "Who?" "Vince Sabio. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Vince every single time." "There are always a few clouds over everybody." "Not Vince. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star." "He was something, huh?" "He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out." "No wonder you remember him." "Well, I never actually met Vince." "Then how do you know so much about him?" "I married his widow." ____________________________________________________ | Today, September 16 in 1400 Owain Glyndwr was proclaimed Prince of Wales after rebelling against English rule. He was the last Welsh-born Prince of Wales. 1620 The Mayflower departed from Plymouth, England. The ship arrived at Provincetown, MA, on November 21st and then at Plymouth, MA, on December 26th. There were 102 passengers onboard. 1630 The village of Shawmut changed its name to Boston. 1782 The Great Seal of the United States was impressed on document to negotiate a prisoner of war agreement with the British. It was the first official use of the impression. 1810 The Mexicans began a revolt against Spanish rule. Miguel Hidalgo y Costilla, a Catholic priest of Spanish descent, declared Mexico's independence from Spain in the small town of Dolores. 1893 The "Cherokee Strip" in Oklahoma was swarmed by hundreds of thousands of settlers. 1908 General Motors was founded by William Crapo "Billy" Durant. The company was formed by merging the Buick and Olds car companies. 1940 U.S. President Roosevelt signed into law the Selective Training and Service Act, which set up the first peacetime military draft in U.S. history. 1940 Samuel T. Rayburn of Texas was elected Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives. He served for 17 years. 1953 "The Robe" premiered at the Roxy Theater in New York. It was the first movie filmed in the wide screen CinemaScope process. 1974 U.S. President Ford announced a conditional amnesty program for draft-evaders and deserters during the Vietnam War. 1976 The Episcopal Church formally approved women to be ordained as priests and bishops. 1982 In west Beirut, the massacre of hundreds of Palestinian men, women and children began in refugee camps of the Lebanese Christian militiamen. 1985 The Communist Party in China announced changes in leadership that were designed to bring younger officials into power. 1987 The Montreal Protocol was signed by 24 countries in an effort to save the Earth's ozone layer by reducing emissions of harmful chemicals by the year 2000. 1990 An eight-minute videotape of an address by U.S. President George H.W. Bush was shown on Iraqi television. The message warned that action of Saddam Hussein could plunge them into a war "against the world." 1994 Exxon Corporation was ordered by federal jury to pay $5 billion in punitive damages to the people harmed by the 1989 Exxon Valdez spill. 1994 Two astronauts from the space shuttle Discovery went on the first untethered spacewalk in 10 years. 1998 Universal paid $9 million for the rights to the Dr. Seuss classics "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and "Oh, the Places You'll Go." 2018 Do smiled. |
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