Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, December 1 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! The moon is getting closer! By about December 3 you will be able to get your best moon pictures. After that it will move away again. Read up on how to take moon shots with your camera or phone. Your best shots will be when the moon is way up high, so that you have less atmosphere and pollution in the way. You CAN use a sugar bag as a tripod substitute, but focusing that way is rather tricky. If you don't have one, try to borrow a tripod for the occasion. If you use a phone to take pictures, get a piece of thin plexiglass about 4" x 8" and a rubber band. Drill a 1/4" hole about 1/2" from one end. The 1/4" bolt on the tripod will go through that, and a 1/4" wing nut will secure the plexiglass to the tripod. Now all you have to do is attach your phone to the plexiglass "wing". With the phone held perfectly steady you can take amazing moon shots. Bill Ingalls, a NASA photographer, says that those capturing the event through their smartphones have to focus on the correct light balance. Tap the screen and hold your finger on the object (in this case, the moon) to lock the focus. Then slide your finger up or down to darken or lighten the exposure. Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Police arrest woman, 38, after she was caught on camera stealing a mounted ZEBRA head from an Anchorage home in broad daylight' Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, November 30 in 1913 Ford Motor Co. began using a new movable assembly line that ushered in the era of mass production. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ The only sure thing about luck is that it will change. --- Bret Harte (1836 - 1902) There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ My mother-in-law just tried to run me over!" the shaken man told the police officer. "The car hit you from behind," the officer said. "How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?" And the man said, "I recognized her evil laugh!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Tammy for this story: My husband, son and I had stopped to take in a spectacular sunset and were on our way back to our car, when four Buddhist monks walked by. When our son asked about them, I explained, "Their life is a quest for enlightenment." "I wonder what kind of car they drive," my husband said and jokingly suggested, "A Ford Focus?" "Or a Honda Odyssey," I said. The monks got into a Nissan Pathfinder. ______________________________________________________ Near Dragoon, Arizona _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Some Rules of Life * Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money. Corollary: You are never given enough time or money. * Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five. * Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it. Corollary: It will not be in the last place you expect to find it. * Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed. * The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay. * Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens. * First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else. * Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references. * Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale. * Kenny's Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location. * Second Law of Business Meetings: If there are two possible ways to spell a person's name, you will pick the wrong one. Corollary - If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong anyway. * The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag. * Yeager's Law: Washing machines break down only during the wash cycle. Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the plumber's day off. * Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot. * Quile's Consultation Law: The job that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deliver the services. * Loftus' Law: Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even which book it is. * Lovka's Dilemma: You never get away, you only get someplace else. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Desiree Fuller, 38, Anchorage, Alaska Police arrest woman, 38, after she was caught on camera stealing a mounted ZEBRA head from an Anchorage home in broad daylight' An Alaska woman came home to discover a thief broke into her home and stole clothing, jewelry, prescription drugs and a zebra head she had on a wall. A security camera recorded a woman carrying items, including the zebra, out the front door of Stacy Scott's Anchorage, Alaska, home last Friday and into a waiting cab. 'Being so brazen to come into someone's home, make yourself comfortable and literally leave by calling a cab and putting a zebra in the back,' Scott said to KTVA. Scott told the Anchorage television station that she received the zebra head from a friend when she worked at a downtown boutique. 'I thought he'd be a great addition to my home just something fun and whimsical. I was about to dress him up for Christmas actually,' she added She named the head 'George' and said that he was a staple in her house. Police arrested a 38-old woman named Desiree Fuller at an Anchorage motel where the cab driver had dropped her off. The suspect is charged with felony burglary and theft. 'If a suspect leaves in a vehicle, we're going to do everything we can to track that down,' said APD spokesperson Renee Oistad. 'In the case of a People Mover bus or a cab company we can call dispatches of those companies and find out where they picked people up, where they dropped them off.' Police have recovered some of Scott's items but George is still missing. Scott is in disbelief that such an incident could occur in a busy neighborhood in broad daylight. She said: 'It's not about George and all my stuff, it's the brazenness of the whole thing. It's the holidays and people are giving. I certainly would have helped out in some way. You didn't have to do what you did.' _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Softonic infection Dear Webby, again a question for the ultimate man of answers: I keep getting a 1 1/2" by 3 3/4" annoying ad from 'en.softonic.com' in the lower right hand corner of my laptop. All attempts to stop them have failed. Do you have a solution on how to get rid of these? Be well, live long, prosper,and Carpe Diem, Walter Dear Walter The Softonic virus has been around for some time, and there is a fair bit written about it. Malwarebytes blocks it, so I don`t have any personal experience with it, but Google knows lots about it. Try https://malwaretips.com/blogs/remove-softonic-web-search/ Good Luck! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Thanks to Dianne for these daffinitions: Abracadabbler: an amateur magician. Badaptation: a bad movie version of a good book. Carbage: the trash found in your automobile. Dadicated: being the best father you can be. Ecrastinate: checking your e-mail just one more time. Faddict: someone who has to try every new trend that comes along. Gabberflasted: the state of being speechless due to someone else talking too much. Hackchoo: when you sneeze and cough at the same time. Iceburg: an uppity, snobbish neighborhood. Jobsolete: a position within a company that no longer exists. Knewlyweds: second marriage for both. Lamplify: turning on (or up) the lights within a room. Mandals: sandals for men. Nagivator: someone who constantly assists with driving directions in an overly-critical manner. Obliment: an obligatory compliment. Pestariffic: adjective describing a particularly pesty person. Qumbersome: a salad that contains too many cucumbers. Ramdumbtious: a rowdy, energetic person who's not bright. Sanktuary: a graveyard for ships. Testimoney: fees paid to expert witnesses. Unbrella: an umbrella that the wind has turned inside-out. Vehiculized: you own a vehicle. Wackajacky: very messed up. Xerocks: two identical pieces of stone. Yawnese: the language of someone trying to speak while yawning. Znork: A droky critic | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing." The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?" To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check. "There's no charge," he says. "No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says. "Honestly, ma'am," the mortician says, "It cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. So I switched the heads." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Memory Aid: Writing on the Bathroom Mirror When I need to do something in the AM, I jot a note on the bathroom mirror with a dry-erase marker at night. I see it as I am dressing and brushing teeth, and I can then wipe it off the mirror with a tissue. By Linda Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com font> ____________________________________________________ A very self-important college freshman at a recent football game took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his own. "You grew up in a different, actually almost primitive, world," the student said loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. "We young people today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars...We even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing and uh.." Taking advantage of a pause for breath in the student's litany, the "wizened" one said, "You're right, Son. We didn't have those things when we were young........so we invented them...... you arrogant little twit!! All you invented so far is rap. Now......what else are you doing for the next generation??" My cousin Marion and the church organist were discussing music for Marion's wedding service. A first-time bride at 30, she said she'd like a song from Fiddler on the Roof. "You mean 'Sunrise, Sunset'?" the organist asked. "Actually," Marion replied, "I was thinking of 'Miracle of Miracles.'" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, December 1, in 1835 Hans Christian Andersen published his first book of fairy tales. 1909 The Pennsylvania Trust Company, of Carlisle, PA, became the first bank in the in the U.S. to offer a Christmas Club account. 1913 Ford Motor Co. began using a new movable assembly line that ushered in the era of mass production. 1913 The first drive-in automobile service station opened, in Pittsburgh, PA. 1919 Lady Astor was sworn in as the first female member of the British Parliament. 1925 The Locarno Pact finalized the treaties between World War I protagonists. 1934 Sergei M. Kirov, a collaborator of Joseph Stalin, was assassinated at the Leningrad party headquarters. 1941 In the U.S., the Civil Air Patrol was created. In April 1943 the Civil Air Patrol was placed under the jurisdiction of the Army Air Forces. 1942 In the U.S., nationwide gasoline rationing went into effect. 1943 In Teheran, leaders of the United States, the USSR and the United Kingdom met to reaffirm the goal set on October 30, 1943. The previous meeting called for an early establishment of an international organization to maintain peace and security. 1952 In Denmark, it was announced that the first successful sex-change operation had been performed. 1955 Rosa Parks, a black seamstress in Montgomery, AL, refused to give up her seat to a white man. Mrs. Parks was arrested marking a milestone in the civil rights movement in the U.S. 1959 12 countries, including the U.S. and USSR, signed a treaty that set aside Antarctica as a scientific preserve, which would be free from military activity. 1965 An airlift of refugees from Cuba to the United States began. 1969 The U.S. government held its first draft lottery since World War II. 1984 A remote-controlled Boeing 720 jetliner was deliberately crashed into California's Mojave Desert to test an anti-flame fuel additive. The test proved to be disappointing. 1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan said he would welcome an investigation of the Iran-Contra affair if it were recommended by the Justice Department. 1987 Construction began on the Channel Tunnel between the United Kingdom and France. 1987 NASA announced four companies had been given contracts to help build a space station. The companies were Boeing Aerospace, G. E.'s Astro-Space Division, McDonnell Douglas Aeronautics, and Rocketdyne Division of Rockwell International. 1989 Dissidents in the Philippine military launched an unsuccessful coup against Corazon Aquino's government. 1989 East Germany's Parliament abolished the Communist Party's constitutional guarantee of supremacy. 1990 Iraq accepted a U.S. offer to talk about resolving the Persian Gulf crisis. 1990 British and French workers digging the Channel Tunnel finally met under the English Channel. 1991 Ukrainians voted overwhelmingly for independence from the Soviet Union. 1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin survived an impeachment attempt by hard-liners at the opening of the Russian Congress. 1994 The U.S. Senate gave final congressional approval to the 124-nation General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade. 1998 Exxon announced that it was buying Mobil for $73.7 billion creating the largest company in the world to date. 2013 Amazon.com CEO Jeff Bezos revealed "Amazon Prime Air" on "60 Minutes." The services was planned to use unmanned aerial vehicles to deliver packages to customers. 2017 Do smiled. |
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