1.  ICE Denies Asking Trump to Visit Border Despite Wild Claim

 WASN’T ME 

The president said in a weekend interview that “the Border Patrol and the people of ICE want me there and have asked me to go. I feel I sort of owe it to them.” Not quite.

2.  CDC Head Warns of ‘Impending Doom’ as COVID-19 Cases Climb

  HOLD TIGHT 

A new spike is partly the result of states opening back up too quickly.

3.  Even People Who Hate Cleaning Will Love These Gadgets

 AD BY EBAY 

Ebay has stacked savings on certified refurbished goods, so you can get top-of-the-line tools at bargain-bottom prices.

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4.  3 More Accuse Deshaun Watson of Sexual Assault, Obstruction

 AND...ANOTHER 

The NFL star is now facing 19 civil lawsuits over the allegations.

5.  WaPo Lets Journo Felicia Sonmez Cover Sexual Assault Again

 FINALLY 

The prohibition on Sonmez’s coverage allegedly stemmed from her own experience as a sexual assault survivor.

6.  This Cleaning Paste Works On Almost Everything in My House

 SQUEAKY CLEAN 

Humble Suds Scour Cleaning Paste isn’t blowing hot air when it calls itself “all-surface” as suitable surfaces include skin, fruits, and vegetables

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7.  COVID Vax ‘Highly Effective’ in Real-World Conditions: CDC

 WHEW 

Not only do the shots prevent 90 percent of infections, they also provide powerful protection against new variants.

8.  Obama Pays Tribute to ‘Granny’ Sarah, Who Has Died at 99

 ‘REMARKABLE LIFE’ 

Barack’s step-grandmother was receiving treatment for an undisclosed illness in Western Kenya when she passed away on Monday.

9.  Cop Allegedly Lied About Living in Baltimore for Mayoral Bid

 ALTERNATIVE FACTS 

“You guys are fake news,” Ivan Gonzalez, who was indicted last week, told reporters who first asked him about apparent residence discrepancies.

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10.  The Cast for Disney’s Obi-Wan Series Is Absolutely Stacked

 FROM A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY 

Returning players Ewan McGregor, Hayden Christensen, and Joel Edgerton will join “Queen’s Gambit” breakout Moses Ingram, “Game of Thrones” alum Indira Varma, and many more.

11.  Fauci: Trump’s Dumb ‘LIBERATE’ Tweets Felt Like Chest-Punch

  EMERGENCY ROOM 

Trump fired off a series of tweets urging Democratic governors to free their states from measures designed to slow the spread of the coronavirus.

12.  Megaship That Blocked Suez Canal Finally Shunted Aside

 FREEDOM AT LAST 

The 220,000-ton vessel is now being pulled to a wider stretch of water about halfway between the north and south end of the canal.

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13.  Man Fed Poisoned Oatmeal, Strangled With ‘Favorite’ Tie

 LAST MEAL 

The 46-year-old had been in a custody battle with the main suspect, Heidi Marie Littlefield, say cops.

14.  Czech Billionaire Kellner Killed in Alaska Heli-Skiing Crash

 ‘GREAT SADNESS’ 

Petr Kellner was staying at an exclusive lodge which offers weekly packages of $15,000 per person for heli-skiing excursions.

15.  Dozens of States Report COVID Surges as Precautions Ditched

 ‘MOVED TOO FAST’ 

Over two dozen states are reporting at least a 10 percent increase of new cases compared to the week before.

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