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Wheaton College suspends God for wearing human clothes


By Nakedpastor David Hayward on Dec 17, 2015 09:29 am
“Wheaton College Suspends God” cartoon by nakedpastor David Hayward

[GET THE ORIGINAL DRAWING OR A PRINT OF THIS CARTOON HERE!]


A significant, long-standing member of Wheaton College has been placed on administrative leave because he dressed like a human being.


God, the actual inspiration behind the private evangelical college in Chicago’s suburbs, announced long ago that he would come to this world as a human being to express his support for the human race. This included wearing our clothes.


“I stand in solidarity with human beings because, well, they are created in my image and I love them,” God said.


But his gesture concerns many people, including evangelical Christians, who see his actions as a conflation of human and divine.


“While God and people are both special and are somewhat related, we believe there are fundamental differences between the two, including the nature of God… that is, the holiness of God and the sinfulness of the human race; the nature of salvation… that is, people should be going up to God, not God coming down to us; and the nature of the spiritual life… that is, we need God, he doesn’t need us!”


“Wheaton College faculty and staff make a commitment to accept and model our institution’s faith foundations with integrity, compassion, and theological clarity,” the college said in a statement. “As they participate in various causes, it is essential that they engage in and speak in such a way that faithfully represent the college’s evangelical Statement of Faith.


“God’s intentions were likely good. He probably just wanted to express his desire to identify with people in their struggles and show them that he loves them. But he went a little too far and actually dressed like us, talked like us, and even ate with hung out with… well… some pretty questionable characters. We can’t believe he would defile his holiness in such a vulgar way! It’s just not like him.”


They said it’s one thing to wear human clothes, but it’s the theological implication that’s most controversial and disturbing.


Some people, including many Wheaton College students, have expressed support for God’s actions. One person said she was dismayed to hear that some view God’s gesture as compromising to himself. “It’s disappointing that showing solidarity means that you are somehow sacrificing your own identity,” she said. “Just because he became a human being doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s no longer God. Does it? I mean, maybe what God did was to reveal that, in a way, human beings are kind of divine. Perhaps God was saying he was wholly God and wholly human, and that the adverse was now also true… that we are wholly human and wholly God. Could God’s incarnation as human be his way of saying we’re together, we’re united, we’re one?”


It’s been reported that God was baffled but not totally surprised by his dismissal. He said it’s happened many times before. His frequent expressions and gestures of solidarity with the human race have often been rejected. But he really didn’t expect it from his own people. He said it reminds him of a verse in the bible: “He came to his own, and his own received him not” (John 1:11).


For those who dismissed God’s incantational gesture, they are relieved. They think God is comfortably seated on his heavenly throne judging us for not being evangelical enough.


(I want to give credit to the Chicago Tribune’s article on Larycia Hawkins’ dismissal from Wheaton College, Wheaton College suspends Christian professor who wore a hijab, for providing me with the inspiration and an outline to write this satirical piece.)


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