Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, December 16 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Enjoy! Ophelia
Thanks for voting for me!
Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter.
Those, who click me some grocery money, REALLY matter. ______________________________________________________ 1 Doug meets Bill at the bar for their usual after work drink. Bill is sitting there looking somewhat depressed. Doug asks, "What's wrong pal?" Bill replies, "Well, I finally succeeded in talking my girlfriend in to a threesome." "Wow, lucky you. But why the long face?" Doug remarks. Bill sighs and says, "Yeah, well, as the threesome into entered its second hour of hot and heavy action, it dawned on me that I really should have specified *my* involvement." _____________________________________________________ 2 Bobby was chuckling at the bar when his friend Mike joined him. "Women, they think they're so smart," he said with a sly smile, going on to explain that he'd eavesdropped on a phone conversation between his fianc, Lynn, and her best friend, Amy "She said, 'Bobby doesn't know it yet, but the only time I'm putting out is when I want to get pregnant." At this, Bobby doubled over with laughter, and Mike looked at his friend with some consternation, "I'd be mad as a hatter! Why aren't you?" he asked. "Why get mad?" answered Bobby. "She'll never know I've had a vasectomy!" ______________________________________________________ 3 A country club didn't allow women on the golf course. Eventually, there was enough pressure that they decided to allow women on the course during the week. The ladies were satisfied with this arrangement, formed a women's club and became very active. After about 6 months, the club board received a letter from the women's club complaining about the men, urinating on the golf course. Naturally, they just ignored the matter. After another 6 months, they received another letter reminding them of the previous letter and demanding action. After due deliberation they sent the women a letter advising them that they had been granted equal privileges! ______________________________________________________ 4 10 Reasons why guns are favored over men. #10. You can trade an old .44 for a new .22. (Or even two of them.) # 9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road. # 8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times. # 7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup. # 6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo. # 5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space. # 4. Guns function normally every day of the month. # 3. A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?" # 2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it. And the number one reason a gun is favored over a man.... # 1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN ______________________________________________________ 5 Tammy was waiting with the cart, browsing in the small appliances aisle, while Doug gathered a few last minute items. When Doug returned, Tammy was facing the opposite direction, so Doug silently approached and gave her a playful pat on the fanny. Without turning around she said, "That had better be my husband. But if it's not, I shop here every Tuesday." ______________________________________________________ 6 There's a man on the way up the mountain, a man in the whorehouse, and a man coming down the mountain. What were their nationalities? The man going up the mountain was a Russian, the man in the whorehouse was Himalayan, and the man oming down the mountain was Finnish! ========================================================
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Thanks to DD for this one:
One way to light up a tree! Enjoy! (`v) Ophelia
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