Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults. |
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Good Morning, John! Today is Friday, October 30 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Today DearWebby is going to Calgary, and his former secretary's hubby will be driving him back. After the eye injections he can't drive for a few days. He won't be sending out any newsletters on Saturday, Sunday or Monday. Enjoy your vacation! (`v) Ophelia Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter.
Those, who click me some grocery money, REALLY matter. ________________________________________________________ 1 The difference between sex, super sex and love. Girl asks her mother: What is sex? Mother: Sex is when you stop a car driven by a man who offers you a meal in a restaurant, and then you spend some time with him in the hotel room, sleep with him once, and then each one go on his way and you have a Fifty dollar bill extra in your pocket. Then the girl asks her mother: What is Super Sex? Mother: Super sex is when you stop a limousine driven by Chauffeur and a stylish man is sitting in the back who takes you to a luxurious villa, gives you a sumptuous meal with distinctive Caviar...and then you spend the night together in bed and engage in sex more than once, and then you part with an envelope containing a thousand dollars in your pocket. And then the girl asks her mother: What is love? Mother: Love is a lie invented by men so that they can have sex with you for free. _______________________________________________________ 2 A flat-chested woman was delighted when her fairy-god mother said her breasts would increase in size each time a man says, "Pardon" to her. She walked down the sidewalk, accidentally bumped into a man and he said, "Pardon me." Her breasts instantly grew an inch and she was ecstatic. The next day, she bumped into a man in the grocery store,he begged her pardon and another inch was added to her breasts. She was in seventh heaven! She walked into a Chinese restaurant,collided with a waiter who bowed and said, A thousand pardons for my clumsy behavior." The next day, the headline in the local newspaper says, "Chinese Waiter Crushed to Death!" ______________________________________________________ 3 Vickie had dreamt what was in store - When she enticedhim to her boudoir Pleasured herself with zeal If this dream had been real She'd be screaming all night for more ____________________________________________________ 4 The young bride's mother had some old-fashioned ideas of marriage, and passed them on to her daughter. "Never let your husband see you in the nude," she advised. "You should always wear something." "Yes, mother," replied the obedient girl. Two weeks after the wedding, the girl and her brand-new husband were preparing to retire when the guy asked, "Dear, has there ever been any insanity in your family?" "Not that I know of," she answered. "Why?" "Well, we've been married for two weeks now and every night you've worn that silly hat to bed." ____________________________________________________ 5 I hear that in the Middle East all a man has to do to divorce his wife is to say, "I divorce you" three times. Heck, in the U.S. it's easier. All a man has to say just once: "Yes, that dress does make your butt look big." _____________________________________________________ 6 An older woman walks into a doctors office and says, "Hey Doc, I've got a problem." The doctor answers, "Really? What seems to be the trouble?" The woman says,"Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm." The doctor asks,"Well, what have you been taking for it?" The woman says, "Pepper." _____________________________________________________ 7 The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex. The personnel office sent this reply: "Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or sex. However, we do have a few alcoholics." _____________________________________________________ 8 There was a young student called Jones, Who'd reduce any maiden to moans, By his wonderful knowledge, Acquired in college, Of nineteen erogenous zones. ____________________________________________________
Enjoy!. (`v) Ophelia ===================
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