>> Popbeach <<
Gove: sticking the boot on
We lost a few readers last week
for being 'too political' in
sending issues for both Remain and
Leave, but we will not be swayed
in our mission to bring you the
facts you need in order to make
up your mind about the people
who are running this country.
That being so, we feel duty
bound to tell you that Michael
Gove wears wellies – ACTUAL
WELLINGTON BOOTS - to the beach.
Don't believe us? Take a look.
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Think there couldn't be more bad
news for Britain? You'd be wrong.
James Corden's US chat show is
coming to the UK on Sky.
------------------------------- |
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>> Out and proud <<
Boris on a sticky wicket
After winning the Brexit vote
for Britain (then leaving the
country in a state of total
turmoil) you may have read
that Boris Johnson spent his
weekend playing cricket.
What you won't have read is
that Boris's innings was cut
short after he was bowled out
by the Popbitch Racing Club's
trainer George Baker.
Making George Britain's only
successful in-swinger of the
last week.
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Even though he has done fuck all
this week, Boris has still earned
– in book advances, column fees
and his MP salary – about £39,774.
------------------------------- |
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>> Big Questions <<
Who's asking what this week?
Which A-list prostitute keeps
condoms full of the frozen jizz
of her ultra-famous clients in a
freezer unit at home? If she's
hoping to make babies out of
them, she's probably spoiled
the batches – but they're still
good evidence with which to
secure a decent book/story deal.
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Reviews for the ropey Ab Fab movie
have been rather kind. In no way
aided by critics getting a bottle
of Bolly and the chance to party
with Kylie, of course.
------------------------------- |
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>> Production values <<
Friends in high places
Simon Cowell is backing the
investigative reporter Mark
Williams-Thomas in his
attempts to make a British
equivalent of Making A
Murderer for ITV – a series
in which Mark will look into
a big true crime story.
Cowell's most famous close
associates? "Sir" Philip Green
and Max Clifford.
Brave move this, Simon.
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Daniel Sturridge, on how footballers
have their priorities straight:
"Fragrance probably shows people who
you are as much as your clothes do".
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>> Benefit beats <<
Orange is the new Black Lace
We've had pop stars put in
prison for drugs, murder,
noncing, shackling rentboys
to radiators – and now we've
got our first celebrity
benefits cheat behind bars.
Dene Michael Betteridge, front
man from Black Lace, is going
to jail for six months after
claiming £24,000 of incapacity
benefits, having told the
DWP he was so disabled that
he could only get around using
sticks and all he could do
was watch TV.
Meanwhile, far from being
sofa-bound, he was touring the
UK performing 'vigorous'
renditions of Agadoo for
audiences at over 100 gigs.
Which is reason enough to
lock him up, if you ask us.
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Hollyoaks actress Alex Fletcher
has called her baby son Hanson.
(Big MmmmBop fan, we guess?)
------------------------------- |
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>> Carter-fucked << Threesome celeb bites back
Remember that PJS injunction
everyone was talking about a
few weeks ago? After somehow
persuading the Supreme Court
to uphold his injunction and
keep the details of his olive
oil paddling pool sex party
private, you'd have thought
PJS would have been nothing
but pleased with his lawyers.
But, no. It seems some people
are never happy.
Poor old Carter-Ruck got binned
off because PJS was furious
they hadn't kept his name
entirely off the internet.
Instead, PJS has switched
his business to Schillings.
Presumably impressed by all
the good work they did in
keeping Ryan Giggs' name
off the web...
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Celeb fact of the week: Cheryl Cole
is getting a ring from Liam 1D
which is, apparently, "inspired
by her famous rose bum tattoo."
------------------------------- |
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>> Address code <<
Playing the maestro card
Famous people can often be
quite particular about the
way you address them. Lauryn
Hill makes it very clear that
staff are only ever to call
her 'Ms Hill'. Ben Kingsley
is famously pissy if people
dare drop the 'Sir' from his
name (so much so that even
his kids, half-jokingly,
call him "Sir Dad").
But king of them all is Ennio
Morricone. Before he does an
interview, he has his people
send out an email instructing
the interviewer to address
him only as... "Maestro".
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*******************************
Win 6 tickets to The Donkey Show!
What is its full title? The Donkey
Show - A Midsummer Night's...
a) Drama? b) Disco? c) Duel?
Answer/name/contact details to
stuff@popbitch.com by 04/07/16.
Tickets from 25GBP.
http://donkeyshowlondon.com
******************************* |
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>> Rupert's revenge <<
Davey Cameron is a humble pie
No-one was surprised to see
Rupert Murdoch's best-selling
paper come out in favour of
Brexit. Many thought this was
because of Murdoch's love of
the free markets, or the fact
that he wields more influence
at Downing Street than he does
in Brussels – but some insiders
take a different view.
They say it was a pure and simple
revenge on Cameron for Murdoch
having to endure the "most
humble day of my life" (i.e.
his appearance in front of
the CMS Select Committee).
Apparently, Murdoch bears a
grudge like no-one you have
ever met.
Unless you've met Peter
Thiel, of course.
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Q/ Why does Britain love tea
so much?
A/ Because tea leaves
------------------------------- |
|
>> Sniff test <<
Send for paedo beardog
Paedos beware! The authorities
may soon be setting the dogs
on you.
After a dog named Bear proved
instrumental in sniffing out
the flash drive that sent
Subway spokesman Jared Fogle
away to prison for possessing
indecent images of children,
police forces in Utah have
been training sniffer dogs
to dig out other hard drives,
USB keys and memory cards.
And they look damned cute
while they're doing it too.
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The chairman and chief executive of
Jefferies, the New York boutique
investment bank is... Rich Handler.
------------------------------- |
|
>> Life imitates art <<
You could make it up
Many have commented in recent
days that British politics
feels like it's being scripted
by Armando Iannucci. Well, it
looks like British PR is being
scripted by Chris Morris and
Charlie Brooker too.
For who has just joined the
ranks at Hold Tight PR? A
new Creative Director...
Nathan Barley Phillips.
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*****************************
Discover global cuisine with
SimplyCook by creating delicious
meals at home in 20 minutes.
Your first box containing four
meal kits for just ONE POUND
inc P&P (normally £8.99).
Use code POPBITCH16
***************************** |
|
>> Hmmms <<
Guns, otters, J-Pop
Hugely popular Post-Brexit idea
in India – the UK should become
part of an Indian empire.
If you haven't seen Eric Cantona
sing Will Grigg's On Fire, do.
The NRA Share The Safety site
is a parody, but it's an
incredibly slick one.
How do otters eat?
Awkward political gaffes –
Boris decking a kid, Gove's
weird clapping, John
Redwood miming etc...
We told you before that
'faraj' means 'vagina'
in Malay – but there's an
even better Malay word
that's caused this UKIP
picture to go viral...
Brexit – the view from
California's Bigger Picture
Fall Out Boy's Ghostbusters
theme is dreadful; try this
J-Pop version instead
************************************
Thanks to: MDS, JS, NB, LH,
GF, JC, JF, J, PR, KC, SW,
************************************
Old Brexit Jokes Home
The EU data servers nearly
reached capacity – but on
Thursday they got an extra
1 GB of space.
Still Bored?
Media Masters podcast: Nick Ross
Crimewatch, Jill Dando's murder and
those controversial rape comments.
Download and listen here
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