KENOSHA, WI—In a stunning reversal, Kyle Rittenhouse awoke this morning to discover that he had been found guilty after all.

Prosecutors explained that during the night, they had found dozens of mail-in jury votes declaring the defendant guilty on all counts. Apparently, boxes of these mail-in votes arrived in a truck at the courthouse around 3:00 am. Rittenhouse received a full 81,000,000 "guilty" votes, making him "the most guilty defendant of all time" according to experts.

Attorneys for Mr. Rittenhouse were dumbfounded as to how such a thing could have happened... Read more