Sitting in a boat on the Niagara river

I was brought up by evangelicals so I can understand the fervent campaign to elect a revolutionary socialist to the White House. My people believed that we alone knew the mind of God and that He loved us more than the ignorant pagans around us. So when I see the old revolutionary shake his fists and shout against injustice, I relive the righteousness of my childhood. Happy times. I haven’t felt half so superior since.

It’s more satisfying to be part of a militant righteous minority than to be in the anxiety-ridden confused majority — to be a nightrider rather than a passenger in the long wagon train. The problem with righteousness is that it isolates you from those who are less righteous, which is okay if you’re self-sufficient and living in the woods but if you depend on others, you need to cut corners. When I was 20, I looked down on people who hadn’t read the right books, but then one day you need to call a plumber and your world starts to broaden.

But I’m an old man and the world belongs to the young. I am only a tourist, so I guess I will go drink some toilet bowl cleanser or maybe move to Iceland. I enjoyed Reykjavik when I was there years ago with my pal Bill Holm, an Icelander. We roamed around town, eating herring, and he got good and drunk and I watched and took notes. The language is so complicated that Icelanders don’t want to hear you try to speak it — Icelandic for “I have done more for Christianity than Jesus” is Ég hef gert meira fyrir kristni en Jesús, which is a mouthful — so they speak excellent English.

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WLT: A Radio Romance

"Mr. Keillor is at his best...every bit of his huge storytelling talent is here" -The Washington Post

In the spring of 1926, the Soderbjerg brothers, Ray and Roy, launch the radio station WLT (With Lettuce and Tomato) in an effort to rescue their failing restaurant and become the Sandwich Kings of South Minneapolis. For the next quarter century, the “Friendly Neighbor” station produces a dazzling array of shows and stars, including Leo LaValley, Dad Benson, Wingo Beals, Slim Graves and Little Buddy, chain-smoking child star Marjery Moore, and blind baseball announcer Buck Steller. Francis With, a shy young radio fan from North Dakota, gets into WLT through his uncle Art and quickly becomes the Soderbjergs' right hand guy. Soon Francis is a budding announcer adored by Lily Dale, the crippled nightingale of WLT kept hidden from her fans, whose firing contributes to the downfall of the station. And then comes television.
 

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Nothing You Do for Children paperweight

A simple quotation from Garrison Keillor’s 1987 collection of short stories, Leaving Home. Etched in glass and gift-boxed. 

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APHC Sponsor Glasses

Our most popular sponsors of the show! These pint-size glasses––emblazoned with the logos of Bertha's Kitty Boutique, The Catchup Advisory Board, The American Duct Tape Council, and Powdermilk Biscuits––make perfect companions for your favorite libations. 

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