1. Team Trump Conducting ‘Loyalty Tests’ to Root Out Snitches

  DEAR LEADER 

Good thing there’s nothing more important to focus on right now.

2. Atlanta Mayor Says Trump Broke City Law by Not Wearing Mask

 COVER UP 

The White House denied that the president broke any laws with his uncovered face.

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3. This Is the Only Button Down I’ll Be Wearing This Summer

 BUTTON UP 

It’s lightweight, breathable, and made of linen so you can wear it all summer long.

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4. Trump Mulls Ban on 92M Chinese Communist Party Members

 SELF-ISOLATING 

The order could also allow U.S. government to revoke visas from party members who live in the States.

5. Plane Pulls Confederate Flag Over NASCAR All-Star Race

 JUST CAN’T QUIT 

The banner was apparently organized by the Sons of Confederate Veterans group, which has been furious about NASCAR’s Confederate flag ban.

6. Kanye Drops $35,000 to Get on Oklahoma’s Presidential Ballot

 ON AGAIN OFF AGAIN 

The payment was made a day after it was reported that the long-shot campaign was over.

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7. Ex Cop Gets 4 Years for Forcing Homeless Man to Lick Urinal

 ‘YOU TOOK HIS DIGNITY’ 

The judge told the ex officer: “You took from him his only possession: his dignity as a human being.”

8. Twitter Lockdown Blocked Weather Service Tornado Warnings

 ‘TRYING TO SCRAMBLE’ 

After a widespread hack, Twitter prohibited verified accounts from posting, kneecapping a vital source of information.

9. Nick Cannon Finally Offers Apology for Anti-Semitic Remarks

 ‘SINCERE APOLOGIES’ 

The actor and TV show host said his words “reinforced the worst stereotypes of a proud and magnificent people.”

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10. Fauci: White House Attacks Are ‘Bizarre’ and Damage Trump

 ‘NONSENSE’ 

He said that the attempts to discredit him reflect poorly on the president.

11. White House Pulls Navarro From CNN After Anti-Fauci Op-Ed

 WHERE’S NAVARRO? 

“All of a sudden the White House told us he was no longer available,” Wolf Blitzer told viewers Wednesday afternoon.

12. Jason Johnson Returns to MSNBC After Months-Long Benching

 HE’S BACK 

The MSNBC contributor disappeared off the network in February after making disparaging remarks about the women of color who worked for Bernie Sanders.

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13. Seattle East Precinct Arson Suspect Is Turned in by Family

 CAUGHT ON CAMERA 

Isaiah Willoughby was caught setting fire to the precinct while wearing clothing from a company he represents, authorities allege.

14. Walmart, Sam’s Club, Kroger to Require Face Masks in Stores

 MASK UP 

About 65% of the retailer’s locations already had mask mandates due to local government regulations.

15. Megan Thee Stallion Shot in the Foot Following L.A. Party

 WHOA 

She reportedly told the police initially that she had cut her foot on glass.

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