the first anniversary

Brave face. Armored skin. Heart bleeding.

I wrote this a year after my surprise separation - nearly seven years ago.

It’s strange to read it back. It includes raw truths about the control I faced during my two-decade-long marriage. I sometimes wonder if the damage I received has forever blocked me from having a future partner, like an obvious warning sign that says, "Stay away from that one, yikes!”

Surely not. I hope not. I have to hope not.

I recently asked a friend I once dated, “What is pushing men away from me? I need raw, no-holding-back honesty.”

He said, “Your confidence.”

There are too many thoughts and feelings to process before I write about that answer. I will only say this:

I am confident.

A confident woman who also struggles with loneliness and wanting to be loved.

Perhaps there’s a misconception that both cannot exist simultaneously, but they do.

Brave face. Armored skin. Heart bleeding.

Anyway, to that first anniversary…...

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© 2024 amy dawn
OKC, OK
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