Neil Warnock: record breaker and prolific digital content provider

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🎵RECORD BREAKER!🎵

The Fiver wouldn’t be where it is today without proper football men such as Neil Warnock. The Middlesbrough manager is often derided as a meat-and-two-veg manager with outdated views, who has outstayed his footballing welcome. And while it is usually us doing the deriding we’d also argue that he has as much in common with right-on Silicon Valley types as he does with prehistoric long-ball merchants. You see, he’s been a prolific digital content provider down the years thanks to his preference for effing telling it like it is. Not bad considering the internet wasn’t even invented when he took charge of his first game. He’s helped fill Big Website with plenty of material in just half of his managerial career, which in its entirety stretches back over four decades. He’s also come out of retirement more often than some managers have overseen games.

So we owed the 72-year-old a tip of the hat when he donned his padded coat and trotted out at Luton Town to take charge of a 1,602nd match in professional football on Tuesday. It’s a record that is unlikely to be beaten, such is the churn of managers these days. Not bad for a trained chiropodist whose speciality was treating ingrowing toenails. Middlesbrough lost, of course, and Warnock pleasingly played the hits. “We didn’t seem to get any rub of the green tonight,” he growled. “The linesman over the far side … I don’t think he’s ever given us anything when I’ve seen him. I’ll not miss him when I retire.”

Some Boro fans would like that moment to come sooner rather than later. There were calls for his sacking in September after a defeat at Reading but three wins on the spin later and all was right with the world again. The 3-1 loss at Luton was Boro’s second on the bounce and, with a trip to West Brom up next, some wags might get gobby again. Not that it will bother Warnock, who was born with a coat like Teflon™. “I’ve been called ‘Marmite Man’ and all sorts – and that’s even your own fans. Some like you, some dislike you,” he shrugged before the Luton game. “When you’re my age, you do get labelled … you’re ‘dinosaurs’ and all that, ‘long-ball merchants’. I look at some of the teams in our league and I’ve never been as long as them in a million years but because they’re young, they don’t get criticised.”

Had Boro won on Tuesday they’d have scraped into the play-off spots, territory Warnock is as adept at negotiating as he is at ripping out big toenails. No one in England has won as many promotions as Warnock’s eight. So we’d advise those on Teesside to stick with their old leader for a while longer yet. He might enjoy a long throw-in a tad too much, but he has a knack of getting results when the days get dark and the Championship gets serious. And even if they do give him verbal pelters, he’ll only take pleasure from it. “When I pass away, I don’t want clapping or a minute’s silence, I want a minute’s booing,” he once said. Almost makes us want to applaud the cranky old war horse. Almost.

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QUOTE OF THE DAY

“Villarreal is my home and I am 100% committed. Honestly, I am grateful for the interest of a great club, but even more grateful to be here” – Unai Emery rips up Newcastle’s Plan A.

FIVER LETTERS

“The man in the Yellow Submarine knows a sinking ship when he sees one. Good ebening” – Mark McFadden.

“My friend Eric noted the same shortlist of managerial candidates that gets recycled every time there’s a job opening. To shake things up, may I nominate Eric as a potential manager for Newcastle/Everton/Crisis United? He has a solid record with his U-8s and plays an attractive brand of kick-and-run football with the kids. Plus, he regularly gets post-match ice creams for the players. Could be a change from Big Sam or the Portuguese, Spaniard, or Italian manager du jour” – Mike Wilner.

“It seems Premier League new boys Brentford are the model of consistency. Currently sitting 12th with 12 points, 12 goals for and 12 against. I’m sure many of the long-serving teams below them will be envious of their points and goal difference. Long may it continue” – Raymond Dyer.

“The Fiver’s accurate prediction of Atalanta 2-2 Manchester United (yesterday’s Live on Big Website!) reminded me that I must change the battery in my watch. Has anyone else ever found The Fiver useful for anything?” – Martyn Shapter.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Mark McFadden.

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NEWS, BITS AND BOBS

A man who livestreamed himself on Facebook racially abusing Marcus Rashford, Jadon Sancho and Bukayo Saka has been jailed for 10 weeks. Jonathon Best, 52, posted the rant after the Euro 2020 final.

Tottenham suit Fabio Paratici reckons the club has everything in place to achieve success now that Antonio Conte is in situ. “We have everything to achieve – infrastructure, big club, players, history, big fans,” he honked.

That alarm you can hear is one going off around Manchester now that United defender Raphaël Varane is set to miss Saturday’s derby due to hamstring-twang sustained in the 2-2 Big Cup draw at Atalanta.

Chelsea coach Arno Michels is getting all the love after suggesting a tactical tweak in the 1-0 Big Cup win at Malmö. “All credit to my assistant,” roared Tommy T. “He had the idea. We liked it. Malmö were defending in a low block.”

And Cambridge United youngster Ben Worman feels he may have peaked only two games into his professional career after scoring this two-touch beauty in their League One win at Morecambe. “I don’t know if I’ll hit a better strike,” he sighed.

STILL WANT MORE?

“They are the hyperactive toddlers of English football, equally capable of moments of startling insight and unfettered joy as they are of throwing valuable household ornaments into the toilet” – Jonathan Liew riffs on yet another confusing Manchester United performance.

Today’s Spurs comment comes from David Hytner, musing on how Antonio Conte eventually became a convenient fit for Daniel Levy.

This week’s Knowledge answers questions about managers of the month getting the chop swiftly afterwards, perfect home records and Brits abroad scoring in European competitions.

Aston Villa’s Anita Asante gets her chat on with Suzanne Wrack about being an activist and player.

This quiz asks questions – fiendishly difficult ones at that – about footballers on screen, courtesy of our chums at the Blizzard.

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DIOLCH YN FAWR, NICK